jump to last post 1-19 of 19 discussions (19 posts)

Is it ok to have a crush on someone, even if you are happily married?

  1. Theresa_Kennedy profile image75
    Theresa_Kennedyposted 6 years ago

    Is it ok to have a crush on someone, even if you are happily married?

    I was telling this to my sister the other day, that it's normal to have crushes on people throughout our lives, even if we are happily married. It's ok to have a crush, but it doesn't mean you have to ACT on it. Am I right?

  2. Moms-Secret profile image82
    Moms-Secretposted 6 years ago

    I think it is less about how ok it is and more about how natural it is.  Marriage is a commitment that we choose to take but we are still genetically programmed to be attracted to people we meet in life.  There is no way of turning that off.  Pursuing, flirting, or wondering is the problem.

    I am with you.  It is natural and its ok to talk about it.  I am complicated and a lot of people don't make my list, but once in a great while I meet someone that I probably would have dated once.  Then they usually say or do something that would have gotten them kicked off the list anyway!  Thank the Lord for my husband! LOL

  3. KateWest profile image76
    KateWestposted 6 years ago

    Exactly. Crushes are normal, as are fantasies - are we really going to end up with Clive Owen? Not likely. The key of course, in the real life crushes, is not to act on them. But maybe you and your spouse can confess to each other all those secret crushes and spice things up a little.

  4. profile image48
    My neck is redposted 6 years ago

    its ok to think whatever you want.
    enjoy your own thoughts, they're yours

  5. Vanessa Anderson profile image60
    Vanessa Andersonposted 6 years ago

    Absolutely!  Crushes are harmless...unless you act upon them. I've had my share of crushes...mostly on celebrities that I would never get to meet of have a chance with anyways...aka...Bret Michaels and Johnny Depp! Your thoughts are just for you, so enjoy them!

  6. seriousnuts profile image67
    seriousnutsposted 6 years ago

    I agree with you Theresa. It's normal to have crushes. What's important is you do not flirt with them. It's okay to admire someone's looks every now and then, as long as you don't get too obsessed.

  7. edhan profile image59
    edhanposted 6 years ago

    As long as you know the limit.

    It is okay with crush and maybe it helps in marriages as well. Sometimes we need to have fantasy to keep us alive. But always know what is right and wrong.

    It is the trust in relationship between husband and wife. So, even if you or your partner having fantasy, knowing the limits will be ok.

  8. nightwork4 profile image59
    nightwork4posted 6 years ago

    you can't help it if you have a crush on someone. it's part of how you think. as long as you don't become obssessed with the person or let the crush control your life , if anything it is probably good for you.

  9. WindMaestro profile image59
    WindMaestroposted 6 years ago

    Thoughts can be easily concealed, and are harmless if kept to oneself, but actions can never be defaulted upon.

  10. clintonb profile image59
    clintonbposted 6 years ago

    Yes. I think its perfectly okay!! I dont believe anything wrong in that thought.

  11. shampa sadhya profile image82
    shampa sadhyaposted 6 years ago

    What is wrong in having a crush? Absolutely nothing. Admiring somebody is admiring God's creation but yes, there is a fine line between crush and obsession. A matured person must have the ability to curb the feeling before it exceeds its limit.
    Having crush is always an one sided affair. Thus, it is better to keep it under control but not under wrap or else there is a chance to spoil one's own happy married life.

  12. ThunderKeys profile image65
    ThunderKeysposted 6 years ago

    I'm a Pro-Marriage Counselor. If a spouce experiences a "crush" on a third person outside of the marriage it's either a strong or a weak crush.

    If it's a weak crush, you can just decide not to have it anymore, for the sake of your marriage and family. It can be ended quickly by thinking about how a crush leading to an affair would devistate your family.

    If it's a strong crush then it's harmful to your marriage because:

    1) Core emotional needs are not being met inside the marriage; and/or,

    2) Manditory proctective boundaries have not been set up inside the marriage.

    If you're lucky enough that the the third person does not reciprocate (8 out of 10 spouces have sexual affairs, that start with socalled "inocent flirting"), then you can use the "crush" as a learning oppertunity to strengthen the marriage, through learning/implementing basic relationship maintenance skills.

    3 people can't but their spouce first!

    - Duddy.

  13. Lisa HW profile image74
    Lisa HWposted 6 years ago

    I haven't had any crushes on anyone since I was eight, and then again before I began dating my husband (and it started with a mutual "crush").  When I've been happily married I'm just not someone who has crushes on anyone.  Whatever that "crush" on my husband was in the beginning just kind of stayed.  I guess, maybe, my bar for what's a "crush" is higher than for a lot of other people?

    Come to think of it, that crush when I was eight years old only got it's name because other people called it that.  For me (us - my eight-year-old sweetheart and me) it was far more than a crush.   smile

  14. Jaggedfrost profile image79
    Jaggedfrostposted 6 years ago

    I often remind myself that my crush or the person who I may be admiring at the time doesn't really know me or what it is like to live with me.  In all reality i don't know what their peculiarities either.  It is these peculiarities that cause vexation between man and wife.  Interesting enough, if we change our focus on our spouse and see what is good in them and help them focus on that as well it seems to multiply in my mind as well as with my wife.  She becomes more beautiful the more I do that.  After seven years i wouldn't trade her in for all the beautiful women that work in my salon.

  15. profile image0
    ExoticHippieQueenposted 6 years ago

    I was happily married for 25 years, and though I never had an actual crush on someone, I feel that it is perfectly normal to occasionally find yourself attracted to other people, even in the best of marriages. It's just human nature. You're right, you just don't act on it, get into flirting or do anything to jeopardize your marriage, and don't feed the crush with daydreaming, obsessing over the other person or tearing your spouse apart in your mind, comparing them to the crush. Don't go there!

  16. RandomThoughts... profile image78
    RandomThoughts...posted 6 years ago

    Hard not to have crushes on people throughout our lives. If you think your relationship can handle it, tell your partner about it. If it is an obsession, take a good look at your relationship and  maybe seek some counseling for it. Don't hold onto it so long that it gets between you and your partner. Don't tell the other person you have a crush on them unless you are looking to cause damage to your relationship or are really looking to hook up with them.

      You can fantasize this person into a movie star who will whisk you away from the challenges of a relationship, but remember the likelihood of that is slim to none. If you can't get that person out of your head, write about them in a journal or talk to a trustworthy person and get their perspective.

    All in all, if you are honest, don't get involved with the other person or tell the other person about your crush & perhaps try to discover what it is about that person that is intriguing, you could possibly bring that element into your relationship...add spice to it.

  17. Theresa_Kennedy profile image75
    Theresa_Kennedyposted 6 years ago

    I enjoy having little crushes on people. It does not mean I want a relationship with them, and often I talk with that person LESS if I'm having a crush...just because it's my little secret and I don't want to be found out.

    These little crushes are harmless, and they also serve to motivate me in certain ways. Sometimes it leads to self-improvement. For my hubpage crushes, it keeps me more active in questions, forums or hub comments. When I was a college student, I found someone to crush on in every class which motivated me to keep coming to class on those days I just didn't want to get myself going in the morning. Boring work jobs were always more fun if I found someone to crush on.

    Maybe I'm different though? Crushes to me are not necessarily about looks or "mate potential". It's more about intellectual stimulation or having common interests. Sexual stimulation is risky if in a relationship, but occasionally it can be energizing if you are capable of redirecting that kind of energy. But that's a whole different topic....

  18. EuroCafeAuLait profile image84
    EuroCafeAuLaitposted 6 years ago

    This is a good question, but as everyone seems to agree, it's to what degree you find yourself attracted.  I only think that if you keep having crushes - let's say on a kind, gentle guy - and your husband is gruff and impersonal - there may be a clue that you are missing out on something that you need in your primary relationship.  Maybe the little girl inside needs a new playmate, someone to be carefree with.  That's my two cents worth on the subject.

  19. Levertis Steele profile image84
    Levertis Steeleposted 6 years ago

    If you are married, you should work on taming that straying mind. Thinking that it is OK to have a crush is flirting with danger. Crushes lead to love, and love leads to ditching your mate.

    Is it sensible to say, "It is ok to drink as long as you do not become an alcoholic?" I do believe that an attraction can cross a person's mind, and that happens, but often thinking about another man is an indication that something is missing from your own relationship. You need to focus attention on that if you want it. A crush can pull you away from your spouse.