I saw a money guru on a show the other day. She was assessing a widow's financial state and it was bad! The husband had canceled their life insurance for $300,000.00 then committed suicide 3 months later leaving her massively in debt. What was interesting though was the guru strongly suspected the husband also abused her although there were no obvious signs. Turns out he had and she hadn't let on to anyone.
Anyhow so someone asks the guru how she knew and she said something like 'When someone abuses money, its more than likely they also abuse the ones they love'.
I'd never thought about money like that before and it got me thinking- what do you think are the 'laws' of money? How do you make it, how do you keep it- or lose it?
(The guru happens to be Suzie Ormond- like her or not, whatever she's doing is working!)
Its a terrible news.Sometimes money is the root cause of many domestic problems.
I personally don't see the value in money. It makes people angry, greedy, hungry, or just insane. What cents (lol) is there to money?
I would be much happier if I could grow my own, sew my own and clean my own, but I gotta pay for all this. Really.
Poor girl, such jerks out in the world.
Control of money and abuse are both all about control of someone else so Im not surprised there is a connection - though in this case if he suicided Icant see any life insurance company paying out - suicide is usually specifically excluded
Managing money well requires thinking long-term, and being willing to make sacrifices, and doing things which are uncomfortable now, to get the benefits later.
So does managing a family.
I see the connection - if you are really, really bad at one, you are probably bad at both.
But I can see how someone could be average at raising a family, and still manage money badly. Or vice versa.
Topstuff, I agree money can be the root of domestic issues, but what Suzie was saying is the way money was treated in this case was obviously symptomatic and of his entire 'relationship' repetoire. And Sandra, if we could get along without it wouldn't that be nice! But there obviously is a connection between the two here as Lizzie pointed out. And there are many who know how to handle money and are well-off materially, yet don't know how to handle people relationships.
There are rules around money beyond the obvious ones such as long-term plans like you mentioned Mark. Its also very emotional and commonly seen as a means to something and utilised as such. Look at the amount of debt, personal and foreign, that exists these days. Isn't it the case then that its often mistreated, and if we could work out the laws of prosperity there would be much less suffering- and more wealth.
'When someone abuses money, its more than likely they also abuse the ones they love'.
They also abuse other people for the love of money.
True, but their financial relationship might be in great shape- not so their personal relationship. Which leads me to ask what is that relationship between money and the self- how should you treat money?
They also abuse money. They'd also probably abuse themselves. It's probably a behavioral disorder.
definitely- so what constitutes abuse of money then, and how do people avoid it? I think there's a mass misunderstanding of how money really works, how to attract it, how to keep it which keeps people where they are, or, not realising the significance of their behaviour
definitely- so what constitutes abuse of money then, and how do people avoid it? I think there's a mass misunderstanding of how money really works, how to attract it, how to keep it which keeps people where they are, or, not realising the significance of their behaviour>>>
I would say using money to have power and control over others is a abusing money; feeling one is only worthy by the size of one's bank account is also abusing money; over attachment to the mighty dollar is also abusing this form of energy/money.
Have seen the above descriptions with significant people in my life, its toxic, and it stiffles their ability to fully enjoy life and affects those close to them.
The top two things that sometimes lead married couples to break up are communication and finances...
Agree, but usually due to poor communication between the couple on what each values, and what the other wants rather than an underlying problem of a deep misunderstanding of how money works and flows. Someone likened money to energy - useful analogy but is that right?
Budgeting and early communication in a relationship always helps.
Set boundaries and budget, each partner allocating a certain small amount of his or her income for the other partner for when partner #1 wasnt to buy things for partner #2.
Also, imo it is good to save up as much as possible as having that little extra always makes the conversation easier, but some people do not like to save which is why (imo) it is good to talk about money early on in a relationship for this reason as well.
Defining boundaries goes a long way to ensuring mutual respect and saving a good bit goes a long way to relieving stress if any financial difficulties should arise.
If one is a spendthrift and the other more of an efficient person then talking about it is good as the spendthrift can help the efficiency based person know the practical side of buying anything whereas the efficiency based person can work out the logistics.
Conversely if you have a pair where one likes to spend a lot and the other is a spendthrift then that is stress from the get go and both might consider how much they feel strongly about it.
As far as abuse of money in general, I would say that is a highly subjective topic and cannot be answered definitively by it's very nature.
One man's abuse is another man's well spent. Despite this there are common principles that can be utilized to educate people about what constitutes risk in money management.
Should such a thing be done? I certainly think our culture could use educational seminars starting in middleschool that aim to teach youngsters how to manage their money and have them continue on up through highschool senior year. These would be done in such a way as to be respectful of peoples' innate tendencies with money but at the same time using statistics and economics to show people "If you are going to do this and it is wasteful, then you better be prepared to suffer the consequences no matter what you may think about it". In that sense a realist approach.
Sure this is very subjective, same with religion (isn't that right Misha? ) but that's because of individual experience as the result of the choices each of us have made. But its also why its fun to talk about.
There are people who are very successful in the way they handle and treat money, which leads me to believe there are universal principles that apply that people can adopt. Doesn't mean we'll all be rich in the same way as simply knowing what the principles are of a healthy relationship doesn't mean you'll have one.
In fact it is the same with religion, relationships and in fact reality. Its all subjective- but some laws must apply, no? Perhaps it comes down to a relationship dynamic. Treat people right and you get treated right. With people it's mutual love, respect, honesty, and a deep acknowledgment of each other. With money perhaps similar principles apply.
'Innate tendencies' says alot about how we make these choices, and the consequences we need to be prepared to suffer, so if we even knew these 'principles' would we apply them anyway?
So far, in no particular order:
1. Defining boundaries is needed, especially where the relationship is between 2 people and the third in the triangle is money.
2. It ultimately has no 'value' but is needed to pay for things
3. 'When someone abuses money, its more than likely they also abuse the ones they love'.They'd also probably abuse themselves.
They also abuse other people for the love of money.
4. Managing money well requires thinking long-term, and being willing to make sacrifices, and doing things which are uncomfortable now, to get the benefits later.
5.Budgeting and early communication
Robert Kiosaki has written a lot on the topic in his Rich dad poor dad.I have also tried to put some in my hubs.
If once controlled your investment you control your life and can manage to led a nice life. Money management is very much necessary in life.
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