I used to cut myself regularly. I was raped at the age of 16 when I was still a virgin. From that day on I started self mutilation. It was a way for me to relieve the emotional stress by inflicting pain on my body. It was a way for me to escape.
I used to have to wear bandages or things to cover these so my parents never found out. They never did by the way.
I used to have suicidal thoughts all the time. I started drinking at school and anytime I could get my hands on alcohol. I just wanted to end my life. Cutting relieved some of the pressure. Being able to sit there and watch yourself bleed was great comfort.
The pain as the razor sunk into your flesh was a relief in itself. To this day I still know the sensation of cutting through your own flesh.
I have not done it for years, but could easily go back there if I found myself in a dark and horrible place.
It is almost like an addiction.
The first thing to go wrong (when a teenager) you go straight for the razor.
I am not proud of what I did, but can understand it whole heartedly.