Why do some people begrudge others even when they are doing their best?
Sometimes I notice that there is a tendency to criticize people who are good at what they are doing. It seems to me that one has to be doing nothing to criticize and doing something to be criticized. Is this true?
You are right about that-jealousy it is.
Spot on correct! So many people believe that if they are not achieving & receiving credit, then others SHOULDN'T either.
I absolutely agree with this comment. Jealousy plays a huge part in the type of behavior described in the question.
There seems to be some consensus on this Grace-Wolf-30. Indeed jealousy and begrudgery are very similar,aren't they?
gm you are right except sometimes some people are overlooked when they are doing a good job
Because humans are lazy, lethargic hogs that feel entitled to everything for doing nothing.
They are some people like that at work they think they are perfect and if another person does the job perfectly 99 out of 100 times they will find the one mistake. However, if this same person makes a mistake they will excuse the mistake by saying "nobody's perfect"
Hello Kate. How is the isle? I had to look up begrudge to understand its meaning & the usage. I have an odd view of jealousy vs. envy. I tend to feel if a scale is used that jealousy falls under the negative connotation and envy on the positive side. Not sure, yet begrudge has to to with happiness and unhappy is the result of not having something.
Jealous tends to be along side begrudge with a difference. Jealous is unhappy, yet anger is very prominent. Protectionism is prevalent too.
Envy could be construed as a feeling of want and that is simple enough. Cause could be of any of the extremes of chosen pendulums and associated feeling of want or lack of. Or, hungry for anything, something, but not nothing?
So, with a little exploring and learning for this self the perspective I have with begrudge is middle of the road kinda'. With a little insight maybe begrudging is a compliment in an odd way?
I personally thus far do not see a connection between criticizing and begrudging someone. That said the second questions asked is very complex with a glance. I see two statements and seek drawing a compare / contrast.
To criticize is to do nothing
Doing something to be criticized
Add with what was learned regarding envy, jealousy, and begrudge, plus ponder.
Hungry person stands on corner with sign. Sign says "will work for food." Criticizing would be doing nothing. Questions come to mind with conflict resolution.
Is standing on corner or end of street traffic doing nothing?
Is not offering work doing nothing?
Which is criticizing? Or, are both criticizing?
You are at a stop sign. You just went to a fast food place and have a burger, fries, and a shake. A mom and two children - boy and girl close to same age, are sitting with sign that says "Need Help . . . Hungry."
Little boy comes up to car asks for money. You share you have "only a debit card, but here take my food!" The little boy declines and walks away.
As you drive away you see mom is flipping you off.
Did mom criticize? Was mom begrudging, jealous, or envious?
Were you criticizing by offering your food?
Walking up to the corner convenience store you notice a man is picking up trash in the parking lot. You purchased your quick lunch items. On the way passed the man you offer a dollar. He refuses acceptance.
Is he criticizing or were you criticizing?
Next time you see him he is walking out of store with a banana and a coffee smiling.
Good answer -
To me - Judgements appears to me to be the problem. "There is no right or wrong but thinking makes is so" Shakespeare
Thank you Neil Sperling. I will look the quote of reference up latter tonight. Then I shall ponder new discoveries. Thank you . . .
As I said it is quite simple. People who criticize are doing nothing and people who are being criticized are doing something
Kate - If a great guy becomes annoying when he is drunk... and people overlook a long time - finally someone has enough and blows huge criticism at the chap - the criticism IS doing something. Doing nothing would be ignoring the behavior even longer.
I think it is because humans are programmed to judge-It is worse when envy and jealousy are involved.
Despite our best efforts to believe that there can always be a "win-win" strategy, our subconscious keeps giving us one of those annoying product placement mental ads that keeps screaming "win-lose" even though we don't want to believe it. It is like a constant personal battle between "The Force" and the "Dark Side" in which we are waffling back and forth between which side to believe.
Why is this? Just think of all the daily and highly-visible examples in which someone has to lose when someone wins. Sporting events and elections are two of the most prominent illustrations of this "win-lose" mentality. Despite the best efforts of two or more people (including teams), there will be only one winner.
Given this kind of message constantly somewhere in our heads, it is sometimes automatic (and subconscious) to begrudge others when they are doing their best work because the tape playing in the background conveys a message that perhaps I have to lose if you are winning. This will not always happen, of course, because in both life and in fiction, encounters between "The Dark Side" and "The Force" have unpredictable outcomes.
May The Force Be With You.
The world needs critics. Trouble is that there are some lame ones out there. The other problem is amateur critics that fit Jthomp44s jealousy model.
If you sat down with some one and asked them if they could critical analyse and report on something they would of course say yes. 95% of the time they would not be lying but would really think that they can. Then you ask them for their training, education and some samples of their work and they just look dumb struck. Then you ask them to analyse how a flashlight works of course the answer is almost always, "you press the button here".
We are not born with critical thinking skills -- yes rudimentary problem solving intuition but even that is eroded by a lack of need to exercise it, apathy and lack of use destroys the innate ability.
Proper criticism is a lot of work. Doing sloppy work is not a lot of work.
I am sure glad my dad, lifted up and supported my work. But I am equally glad that he took the time to criticize his work for me and my work for me. That takes a lot of effort from a parent, and probably their parent before.
I agree most criticism is more about the critic than the work being criticized. I also think that jealousy is root cause, but just as significant is fear of not being "as good as", and then throw in some meanness and you have what I think you are talking about.
So I think what you are referring to really is not the art and science of critical thought but small minded people who put no effort into things they say and write because of huge insecurity issues.
(sorry for being a bit of a blowhard on this but it is near and dear to me)
Kate.....The world's OLDEST vice....."ENVY".....Mean old Mr. GREEN. Fortunately, there are those who can experience joy for the accomplishments of others. Those are the positive, supportive individuals who realize that we ALL shine in our own ways with our own abilities. It balances out, more often than not. We have our day in the spotlight. Let others have theirs. It's really so simple.
I am not offering criticism fpherj48. I read this bit and byte of sharing as other hubs and etc. Mr. Green popped an image of a calendar on the wall of imagery of Elsa Beskow of Sweden. The book "Aunt Green, Aunt Brown, and Aunt Lavender." thanks
This is exactly the point I am making fpherj48. You are right-we are lucky that there are people who can enjoy someone else getting on well-I always make a conscious effort to do so and it isn't hard. Thank you for your constructive comment
"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be under-standing and forgiving."
-- Dale Carnegie
Begrudge, as a verb, means "to envy the possession or enjoyment of other people" or "to give or expend with reluctance". If the "begrudge" in this question means "to envy the possession or enjoyment of other people" , the reasons for those who begrudge others may think "why it is them, but not me, who enjoy what they have and what they have achieved in life?" What they see is only the achievement or better life of others, but not the hard work and mental effort of those people who are doing their best. They hate those peoples who are doing their best because they think, by comparison, other people's better life or achievement may an indicator that they themselves are inferior or less capable of than the people who are doing their best.
I believe that it is due to their own insecurity and incompetence, combined with a pure evil desire to see people hurt.
I worked with a Philipino girl in California who hated anyone who was not Philipino. I tried hard to work extra hard so that she would not have to. I was actually doing a great job but she criticized my constantly and did all she could to make me cry. I finally realized that she was impossible.
Not necessarily Kate - some individuals begrudge other individuals who are doing nothing. Envy is not solely a matter of more or less doing but of the individual criticizing others.
I know of such kind of people something I don't agree with, when people criticize others who are good at what they do it is plain envy
Some can have a feeling of superiority and want to put others down, or they are insecure and feel better about themselves by begrudging others. Sadly, some people don't want others to succeed so by attacking their self-esteem, they are trying to 'keep the other person down.'
Those people have a bad feeling about themselves so they want to make others' feel pain too. I don't really understand it, but Dr. Oz says that when a toxic person starts up with their crap so to speak, we should just walk away.
That is a good way of dealing with it provided they are not in our family or workplace where it is harder to do. Thanks for your comment lisauniquevoice
Excellent response, Lisa. These people are very insignificant, petty, & SMALL If they weren't, they wouldn't be...HATING!
The reasons are pure jealousy & feeling threatened that YOU will SURPASS this "person." Insignificant & insecure people are oftentimes threatened by those who are smarter, more intelligent, &/or otherwise have FAR SUPERIOR skills than they will ever have &/or cultivate. These people are in essence range from being mediocre to even borderline subpar in personality & other intellectual, mental, & psychological attributes. They HATE that there are people who are MORE TALENTED & APT than they are. So they think that by criticizing the latter, such people will be "put in their place" so to speak.
There are also people, yes family members, who never had opportunities & view others w/more opportunities as suspect because the latter will have a lifestyle that will far surpass them. Instead of being happy & encouraging, these family members will adopt a soul-devouring attitude, criticizing the latter family member although this family member is astute. For example, a straight-A student whose mother never praise him/her but always see something to criticize him/her about. This mother is envious perhaps because she never received any possible feedbacks from her parents so she refuse to praise her child, using her psychological, even psychic venom to tear down her child so the latter will never feel good about him/herself.
The underlying reason why some people criticize others who are good at their jobs is because of inferiority in addition to jealousy. These people are inferior souls & they KNOW it. THAT is why they are THREATENED by people who do things well. People HATE those who are MORE. They love people whom they feel on par with as such people....AREN'T threats.
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