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Turdblossom: The new language of the century

  1. profile image0
    chasingcarsposted 8 years ago

    Turdblossom: The New Neo-Con Language for the Millennia

    Those suffering from millennial angst at the beginning of the last decade were not wrong; they just missed the sea change--in political language. A glaring case in point is the Supreme Court's recent decision to grant personhood to big, faceless and soulless corporations and to allow them to buy the kind of government in which people of their political persuasion can believe, has now incorporated this new language into Constitutional law. Therefore, it is time that the rest of the world catch up with this new language.

    It has to have a name, so I propose we name it after the eminence who bore it into the world: Carl Rove. The new name should be given the gravity it deserves, so I propose we name it after Bush's pet name for this great man: Turdblossom.
    So far, there is no Rosetta Stone to aid us in decoding this new language; Carl Rove apparently gained it from an alternative universe. We can only understand it by inference. If you are game, I will start a Wikipedia definition and analysis for this new word. Feel free to correct me with your own inferences and analyses. I will include a few new words to get us started.

    Turdblossom (turd blos' um) n., alt -ese, adj. -ian. 1. the standard language spoken in American conservative discourse 2. language derived from classic propaganda, emotion-laden discourse, and wedded to neo-conservative buzz words 3. instigated during "Teflon" Ron Reagan's era and refined by Bush consultant, the eponymous Carl Rove (aka, Turdblossom) 4. based in magical thinking 5. classical Greek derivative of sophistry 6. Texas derivative of bullshit 7. Brit derivative of shite 8. Fox News derivative of fair and balanced reportage 9. Though the language is richly figurative, the predominant trope is irony, which exists in a blind spot for those fluent in the language . [phoney Texas slang meaning "fart" or hot, smelly air; pet nickname given to Rove by his president and "boss"]

    Fiscal conservativism n. fiscal conservative pl -s 1. derived from magical thinking 2. theorizes that the need to be known as the baddest dudes in the world through defense spending is the only reason for government and the only legitimate reason for paying taxes (as long as someone else has to pay the tax) 3. theorizes that elimination of all taxes will bring down the deficit 4. Advice from Bank of America: If you max out your credit cards, don't quit your day job.

    The Sarah Palin/ John McCain Phenomenon 1. a tendency, like old dogs do, to chase cars 2. a belief that biting the passing tires of a Mercedes will finally snare you that bugger 3. probs. a. The laws of physics prevail in this situation, and b. those afflicted have no clue about what to do with it if they ever catch the car 4 a tendency for political hyenas to try to gang up on lions

    Tea Party Movement pl. n. 1. a form of Mad Cow Disease which jumped species through the human vector of Glen Beck of Fox News; unfortunately, his unique conditions of Tourette's Syndrome and his manic/depressive tendencies share a common genetic link to the disease 2. angry, pistol-packing mobs shouting the Tourette-like utterances they caught from Glen Beck and Fox, conservative talk radio, and similarly infected politicians 3. neocons/ religious righters angry at the loss of power they held for a decade; the new daddy won't let them play "sillybuggers" all over the world any more 4. recognizable by their code word for the Obamas, "uppety negras" 5. people who flunked out of history and government classes or who were homeschooled by mothers with an MRS. degree who use an Etch-a-Sketch bible for their textbook [historical origin: the Boston Tea Party rebellion against taxation without representation; connection to the rebellion indecipherable]

    A thousand points of light 1. theorizes that cutting out government spending on all entitlement programs will offer the public sector an opportunity to become more philanthropic 2. practical application: the thousand points of light ended up in the former entitlement program recipient/taxpayer's pockets [one-term Bush's bright idea]

    Trickle-down economics n. pl. 1. An economic philosophy based in physics: gravity causes all solids to seek a lower level, e.g., Wealthy people digest most of the world's assets and crap their digestive export down on the heads of those lucky peons below. 2. probs. Those assets tend to stay at the top, and the byproduct rained down on those below are of little or no further use except for paid cleanup.

    If you are a rational person, and I assume you are since you have read this far, you and I are in a position in which we can either sit by until our brains explode or laugh at the stupidity. A devil does not survive the test of ridicule.

    1. Ralph Deeds profile image62
      Ralph Deedsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Great commentary on a sorry chapter in American political history.

    2. profile image43
      auntzueposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I read the entire post and don't really know what the point is, but I think you're griping about something. Reading this was like being at a dinner party where everyone works together except me - so I miss the inside jokes, references, etc. rehashing of favorite old stories, familiar stereotypes, etc.

      It seems, therefore, you are writing for the amusement of a narrow, sympathetic audience. I would rather read something that taught or enlightened as to another point of view. Sigh...next blog....Thank you.

    3. Ralph Deeds profile image62
      Ralph Deedsposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Ha!Ha!Ha! Pretty good. Now Karl Rove is trying to re-write history with his book full of lies about Iraq and the Bush administration.


  2. profile image0
    sneakorocksolidposted 8 years ago


  3. TheGlassSpider profile image71
    TheGlassSpiderposted 8 years ago

    I take it you're going for the laughter? wink I enjoyed reading this.

    1. profile image0
      sneakorocksolidposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Did you agree with it?

  4. Faybe Bay profile image73
    Faybe Bayposted 8 years ago

    Is this a complete copy of your hub?

  5. Misha profile image76
    Mishaposted 8 years ago

    Please note that forum posts that promote your own Hub will be deleted and may result in the closing of your HubPages account. Do not start threads for the sole purpose of promotion or posting links. Please use the Forums in the spirit of community!

    1. Ralph Deeds profile image62
      Ralph Deedsposted 8 years agoin reply to this