Single Motherhood and Dating: Part 6 The Final
Last in Series
This is the last of my Single Motherhood and Dating Series and I thank all who followed me on this. I hope my experiences and tips were helpful and perhaps reached someone that needed that extra “its okay.” While I have not found my Mr. Right yet I am also okay if I don’t ever. I would like to have a man? Yes of course, but I do not NEED a man? No, no I do not for me and my son have been doing fine on our own and to have a man intrude on us…well we just might eat him alive and toss out the bones. We got our own little world and we like it very much here. This has also been a learning experience too and I think dating does that to you, or maybe it’s just with age comes wisdom. I have realized that saying we need to love ourselves first before we can others is kind of true. My last attempt at a relationship crumbled before it even really started and I was no fool and I saw quickly my future if I stayed in the relationship and it was not pretty and I did not want that for myself and I got away. Sadly…is it sadly? Either way the short relationship blessed me with my beautiful little boy. So being a new mom I devoted myself to that closing myself off hiding under gained weight to make myself less appealing. I banned myself from men and dating. I allowed myself to heal. When I finally healed and wanted to start to open up again it was a slow scary process and I wanted to make sure I did things right this time. I was a mom now. If I did not want a repeat of past failed relationship I knew I had to figure out what I wanted. I then would have to stick myself to it and not settle for anything less. I have come to realize I am fine on my own and I do not need a man to make my life complete. I knew God made woman for Adam for he was lonely not as a necessity. Adam was fine without his Eve he was just lonely for company. I see so many women have this idea like they have to have a boyfriend or their life is not complete. They get out of one relationship then a few weeks later they are all in love with this new guy, then that relationship fails. They cry and wonder why their relationships never work, they hate men, and self loathing then usually kicks in. No one really wants to take the deep look inside them and realized how wrong they have been. Not many really have the strength then to change it or embrace it. I know there is somethings that I cannot change about me so I just embrace it. No longer is it an evil sin to me, it is just me.
What a Woman Wants
In getting back into dating and relationships again and not wanting to repeat past transgressions I actually asked myself what do I want in a guy? I never really have a set standard I just kind of went with the flow on my feelings and instincts. So I realize perhaps that was a bit of a faulty method. I also got tired of getting the types I did not want. I have realized I do want a guy that uses at least 50% of his brain and is able to make decisions on his own. I am all for equal rights, but I do kind like a guy that can take charge. Especially if you just met me and would like to take me out to dinner and they leave it up to me where to go. You asked me out you pick! It can't be that hard to do some research! Aren’t you trying to woo me Mister? The proper way is you ask a girl what type of food she likes and so that gives you a heads up. If you are from out of town familiarize yourself with the town she lives in for a place to dine, it can’t be that hard.
Taking It Slow
While I have only gone on two dates so far…well there was that meeting for coffee so is that 3? Never reached a second date with any of them though perhaps the coffee meet could happen again I’m not sure. I leave it up to the guy for I am fine either way. So let’s recapped what we have learned.
- Set rules for yourself. You have new priorities now.
- Take things slow and no need to introduce your dates to your child right away and have the new guy be instant part of the family. Wait a bit and make sure he is the one before you introduce them to your kids.
- Casually date, but with serious intent. Do not go husband /daddy hunting. Be causal but always open for something more.
- Decided what type of guy you want to date single dad or single guy with no kids
In conclusion I once attended a wedding where the bride was 70 and the groom was in his 80’s. Goes to show it’s never too late for love. Happy Mother's day to all the Mom's!
Missed parts 1-5? Read them here
Single Motherhood and Dating part 1
Single Motherhood and Dating part 2
Single Motherhood and Dating part 3
Comments
Interesting stuff.
- AUTHOR
Im truly honored drpastor thank you! I wrote them just for that purpose too so thank you again.
Bless you!
I have a couple of young ladies that I will be showing them your Hub! Great HUB!!! Blessings!!
- AUTHOR
Thanks wolfpack lovely to see you and I did have a good Mother's day thanks.
Great hub Janny, I sincerely hope you had a wonderful mothers day.
Have a great night my friend :)
- AUTHOR
Rebecca my mentor you are adored! You are Awesome!
oh and almost forgot happy mothers day to you-- although a bit late all the best-- you rock!
Janny-- as you know I am a single mom of two, so life is hectic, but never ever ever stelle for anything less than teh best, really I figure I'll be 70 and then I'll find someone... maybe I'll have time then!
- AUTHOR
Thank you love. I am happy too I learned as well. Also think my mom taught me that too she was a single mom too and did just fine rasing us 3 kids...well kind of Im still here so guess that says for something.
happy belated mother's day to you, i learned a long time ago that i did not need a man to validate me because i validated myself a long time ago.i am glad that you learned this lesson early in life........thumbs up to you
- AUTHOR
@Mike - Bless you Mike that very kind of you thank you so much.
@Prasetio - I hope so too and Im always still learning every year is new milestone. Thank you so much from stopping by my friend.
@Nell - Well a belated Mother's day to you and thank you so much. Yep you are exactly right love comes when you least expect it.
Hiya, Happy mother's day. It's not over here in England, mothers day is in March! but hey ho, who cares! lol You are so right about being on your own. The right one will come along just when you are not looking for it. So you are doing the right thing just as you are. thanks nell
I think you have a lot of experience as a single mother. And you have wonderful tips here. I hope we can learn something from this hub..amen. Good work, thumbs up for you. Please allow me to rate this hub.
Prasetio :)
Janny, you're a terrific person and I know you will find a guy who will appreciate you someday. I would also like to say Happy Mother's Day. I hope it is a special one for you.
Mike
- AUTHOR
Aww thank you pm your words mean a lot to me. No picture is not my son. Check out my single motherhood blog link on my profile and you can see my boy on there. He is all over my blog lol. Thank you so much.
JannyC - your so mature for your age, but motherhood will do that to you. Your rules are spot on, be patient, take your time and no need for daddy hunting. Learn yourself and be a little selfish.
You have a lot of love to give and no sense wasting it on the undeserving.
Peace to you and a wonderful mothers day.
P.S. If the picture accompanying your article is your son, he is truly beautiful. How proud you must be.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Coffee! Much love to you!
Janny,
I like how you think. It is so vital to know what you want and what you expect in relationships. Keep on, Janny!
happy Mother's Day!
- AUTHOR
@Pamela- Thank you so much I am so happy you found it interesting.
@Lynda:So very true from the first stage of life everything we do effects out child. Thank you much I always got hope.
@billyaustin: Thank you so much. I am not sure I am THAT together lol plus its been a long time a coming too.
Janny you have written a wonderful series - you are very together and aware of what you want and that comes through loud and clear - congrats!
Been there. Raised two girls as a single Mom (plus all those foster daughters) and met my husband twenty years ago when the girls were almost grown up. You are quite right to say you are fine on your own. Remember, any choices you make affect not just you but your baby, and if you hold to your purpose, one day the right person at the right time will be there. Lynda
This has been an interesting serirs and vry good. Great hub.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Vladimir much kind of you.
I must agree with "Quill". Wonderful hub(s).
Thanks.
- AUTHOR
Quill your the first! Yay! Thank you so much Im deeply touched. I try my best and to do what is right and what I feel the Lord is trying to show me.
Many hugs and blessing to you back my friend.
Wonderful Hub Janny and pleased to hear you have found peace and not willing to settle for anything but the best, what God wants for you. You are special Lady, I love the relationship you have with your son, a child who will grow knowing what the true love of a Mom is all about.
Be Blessed and many HUgs
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