Is it normal to fight so much after only being married for a few months?

1. 61

   CharlieNikholeposted 13 years ago

   Is it normal to fight so much after only being married for a few months?
   
   Is it normal to fight so much after being married only a short time?
   Is it normal to question your marriage when it has just begun?
   and how do you save it from falling apart when there seems to be no hope?

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2. 74

   cathylynn99posted 13 years ago

   it depends on what you fight about and if you fight fair. see a marriage counselor.

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3. 59

   duffsmomposted 13 years ago

   Any big changes in our lives create tension, even the good ones.  Marriage is a huge change, both people can get tense.  From simple issues like - You might be used to Jiffy PNB and he might like Skippy--or the fact that he wants to read until midnight and you need to go to sleep at 10pm--all of those little issues add up to create tension.
   
   Yes, do fight fair.  Argue the issues only, no past, no personal crap, never ever leave or threaten divorce.  And if you cannot do this on your own, do see a counselor because it would be a shame to do permanent damage to such a new marriage.  You loved him when you said "i do"  so you can do this--make up your mind to get along.

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4. 60

   nightwork4posted 13 years ago

   a lot depends on what you and your partner believe in as a way to live. if your values differ greatly then fighting is going to happen. questioning being married is normal i think but if you are both really in love , you will work it out. there is no need for counseling because if it was meant to be it will work itself out.

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5. 60

   cottontailposted 13 years ago

   It sounds like you are both overwhelmed with this new life change. That's probably normal for most people. I think the trick is getting on the same page as soon as possible to avoid any long term problems.
   
   Try sitting down and having honest and open communication about your expectations of each other and the marriage. If you need help, there's nothing wrong with seeking a counselor.

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6. 78

   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   It's only normal to fight a lot early in a marriage when people are too young to be married, did not know themselves or each other well enough before getting married, and possibly had some "unrealistic expectations" of what marriage would be like.
   
   When two people want the same thing. (Each other to be happy)
   there is very little to fight about.  Marriage is more about US & WE and less about YOU & ME. It's more about finding a compromise as oppose to winning a battle. A couple having a lot of fights usually means one person is trying to get the other person to "change" in some way. We get frustrated with them for not changing and they feel resentment towards us for asking them to change.
   
   Marriage is best when you find someone who (already is) what you want in spouse. It's a challenge trying to "fit square pegs into round holes" or "changing water into wine". Opposites attract in the short run but like attracts like for the long run. Both people have to want the same things most of the time in order to stand a chance of lasting "until death do us part."
   Ultimately we're all looking for someone who will love, appreciate, and accept us for who we are.

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7. 59

   framistanposted 13 years ago

   The opposite of love is not hate... it is indifference .....(saying,   "I Don't Care").  So if you still care about the relationship, there is hope.   Fighting is a response to feeling the spouse doesn't CARE about your ideas, goals, methods, etc.  Fighting is a BAD response that can be changed with a little counseling about "How to Fight Fair."  A better name for it would be "How to discuss things peacefully."  It is a skill set that some people don't figure out untill divorce sets in.  Many churches offer counseling or also I would guess many books are written on the subject.  When I first got married, i got angry at my wife sometimes and then later found out she was right & I was wrong.  So I realized her opinions and plans are worthy of my respect.  So i OFTEN do things her way now, and we discuss things mostly peacefully now.  I think we never got into the big argument problem because of this realization I had .... and her respect for my opinions/methods also.  A little counseling should solve your problem I think.

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8. 61

   Mcham Lawposted 12 years ago

   depends on the topics of the fights. If it is about money it's kinda normal. Just fight nicely. If it is about exs or cheating then you have some issues.

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9. 85

   SidKempposted 11 years ago

   Yes, it is completely normal. Most couples experience a "falling out of love" shortly after marriage. This often leads to arguing. It is the beginning of a deeper relationship where we learn how to love instead of getting the "freebie" of feeling "in love."
   
   Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages talks about this, and I've written a hub about it.

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10. 51

    WATERSTARposted 10 years ago

    From, WATERSTAR, Too much trouble in any relationship is not very good, you might need to give a little space to each other, go and find more activities to keep you buisy, one might need to take night schooling while the other join a fitness Club,and when you come togrther,go for long walk together,go to a good counceling Group ,Less Talking More Listing, set some goals in your Life and start rightaway in doing some of them,Pray to GOD To Help you both and find a good BIBLE BELIVING HAPPY CHURCH and go for a VISIT you just MIGHT LIKE IT,LOVE each other and be kind enough to forgive and makeup with LOVING EMBRACE, go make a little more MONEY MORE HONEY, and try make a Happy Life Together. BY WATERSTAR:

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11. 84

    Edward J. Palumboposted 10 years ago

    It's part of establishing new boundaries and, in time, it will teach us to choose our issues. Really, what does or doesn't matter? You have probably both established patterns or preferences that work for you as individuals; now you must figure out what works well for BOTH of you, and that's more difficult than it needs to be, but it's part of growing together. Given time and patience, you'll sort it out. It's part of learning to compromise for the common benefit, but it ought not be a unilateral compromise. Both of you will have to explore the reasoning of why you do things or prefer things a certain way. A little humor (and a lot of patience) will accomplish a great deal to get past it. My wife and I have been married for 31 years, and we've come to accept that men and women seem to problem-solve a little differently. At this point, we usually see the humor in it.

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12. 60

    jantamayaposted 9 years ago

    The question is, what do you mean with "so much". Is it every day, is it more than this, or is it just few times in a month?
    
    When you fight almost every day - a counsellor could be helpful.
    
    Consider also the attachment style possibility. People with not compatible attachment styles, can have problems with each other. Good news is that, they can change and can learn how to cope with different attachment styles. I have written two hubs about this issue and I'm sure that you can find some help by realizing how important it is to know more about attachment styles in adult relationships.
    
    I've written "adult relationships" because the theory about attachment styles was previously developed for the relationship between parents and children. Later scientists have realized that the same theory is also applicable between practically all relationships in our lives.

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13. 56

    Gengarveyposted 9 years ago

    Yes, it is very normal due to the adjustments you are both going through. The best thing you can both do is to sit down and figure out the cause of your fights.
    Once you know this, come up with a plan of action to resolve them together  as a couple.

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14. 85

    tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

    One of the biggest sources of conflict this early is over money, whether differing priorities or not having enough. Go with Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University program or another budgeting and financial goal setting class to improve your communication as a couple about money.

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