What is the best way to build back trust in a relationship?

1. 81

   LisaKoskiposted 11 years ago

   What is the best way to build back trust in a relationship?
   
   I don't want to get into details, but, someone I care about did something in the past that required a lot of time to forgive. Although I have forgiven them, I can't seem to get over suspicions and trust them like I used to. Any advice?

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2. 73

   blaise25posted 11 years ago

   My advice is forgive that someone. True forgiveness. I believe in the saying that if you forgive someone, they can't hurt you anymore.
   
   Trust is so important in a relationship. Without it, no point in having that ship to sail anymore.

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3. 68

   pradiiphiraposted 11 years ago

   i know forgive somebody who break your trust is very difficult.
   
   But I just want to say that, Life is too short dear, so be happy, forgive all live happpy and live like king size,,,,,,,,
   
   Just Enjoy your Life

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4. 84

   stricktlydatingposted 11 years ago

   Go with your instincts.  You may have 'forgiven but not forgotten' which is probably quite understandable in the circumstances.  You don't want history to repeat, and there is always a chance it could. It is not up to you to build back the trust it's up to them, because you're not the one who did something wrong.  All you can really do is discuss your feelings with that person if you feel it would help.

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5. 82

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   If you have forgiven them that is all (you) can do. Trust much like respect is "earned" over time. You can't "force" yourself to trust someone and it is never wise to (ignore) your instincts.
   Whenever someone has broken the trust in a relationship the onus is on them to illustrate (they) are trustworthy. It is them that should be making the effort to (reassure you) that what happened before will never happen again, not by (talking) but by "deeds and actions".
   They have to understand it will take time for you to get back to where you were.If someone believes you are worth the effort then they will make the effort.
   Too often people are quick to "forgive" without taking the time to decide if the action is really a "deal breaker". For example if someone caught their mate cheating and he or she apologized. Very often the betrayed person will (automatically) forgive because for them the combination of cheating and a (breakup/divorce) is "too much" for them to handle. It's only after some time passes by they may come to realize they can't (let it go) no matter how hard their mate is working to earn back their trust. I've seen instances where the "forgiver" ends up cheating or ends the relationship which causes the betrayer to feel like they were the "victim". This is why I advise people to take some time to decide if they want to continue a relationship/friendship.
   To forgive does not mean you have to remain in contact. It simply means you are ready to (move on mentally) and will no longer dwell on the issue anymore. Best of luck!

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6. 64

   viveresperandoposted 11 years ago

   When I find myself in a situation in which I am struggling to forgive an action, I always try to find a place where I can say I am responsible for me.  I try to forgive myself for allowing the betrayal to happen.  It sometimes it is about trusting ourselves not to allow this happen again and not about the other individual.  Once I am in a place where I can trust myself the suspicions seem to drop.  It is about accepting what happened and finding the strength and courage to not allow it to happen again.  Then if the other individual wants to be in my life, they must come forward and not try to sneak there way in.  I believe we must all learn to accept people for who they really are and not for who we wish they would be.  Setting boundaries in a relationship is important and I have learned the hard way if they are not set, both individuals get hurt.  The one crossing boundaries they should not have crossed and the one feeling betrayed because of boundaries have been improperly crossed.   I have had to step back in the last 3 years now and soul search, find inner strength, learn to know what my boundaries are because I allowed them to be improperly crossed for so many years.  They betrayed me because I allowed it.  What can I do to not allow it again?  Plus, life is short, we need to able to learn to take risks and allow people in our lives; when we are ready once again to do so of course.
   
   Do you feel in any way that just maybe you have lost confidence in yourself in being able to make smart decisions about this individual?  I hope it is okay to ask this question?

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   1. 81

      LisaKoskiposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I think that's definitely the case. I know my confidence took a major blow and I still haven't completely recovered.

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7. 62

   cjpooja26posted 11 years ago

   Just trust and believe me, if that person is your soul-mate then he will come back to you definitely. Your thing ultimately comes to you but yes it is difficult to forgive but still be happy, trust and wait.

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8. 60

   GymBabeposted 11 years ago

   I have been in a similar situation as you, but on the other side so to speak.  I was the one that "damaged" the trust.  First hand experience has taught me that once the damage is done, its done.  He said he has forgiven me, but it took him almost a year to express that.  Three months after he said that, I still get the feeling that he still holds suspicions and the trust is still a long ways away from mending.
   
   Even though a year and a half have past, and I have learned many lessons from my one account, we still have those "tense moments" about the biggest mistake I ever made.  One thing has come to be a positive out of the situation between my husband and I- our lines of communication have become very open and brutally honest.  We do not hold anything from each other any more!  We are more open towards each other now compared to three years ago, even all the way back to the day we were married. 
   I felt I destroyed everything between us, so I consciously made the effort to open up more and express myself more on what I thought, felt, do during my days, my a-ha moments, everything!  I was desperate.  I didn't really want to loose him, I just made a thoughtless mistake.  I do feel we have come a long way from where we were, thanks to open lines of communication.  But I can tell some things aren't "right" with us.
   Even though this is just my story, and I do believe that communication is the key to restoring trust in conjunction with time, something probably never will feel the way it used to be.  It has just shifted.  I don't know if this post will help any at all.  But another, way to look at it is, "does he show genuinity?", "does he seem or act really scared at times about loosing me?", "does he think about me when doing or saying thigs, and making choices?"  These were the things that were actively going through my head and I was expressing in ways other than words.  I seemed all of a sudden to appreciate him more, and scared to death of loosing him.
   I hope this helps in some way, maybe by looking at it in another perspective.  what ever had happened, I am so sorry for your loss.  I know it hurts, I could see it in my husbands eyes, and it made me sick. 
   Best of Luck to you, Dear!

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   1. 64

      viveresperandoposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I hope with time this feeling of things not quite right go away.  It is not an easy process, it is great though that you are both there, communicating, trying, present in the relationship...  I wish the best for all. 

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9. 61

   TerryK81posted 11 years ago

   It takes time, of course, ecspecially depending on what was done or said, and what type of person you are in whatever area this is involved with. Are you willing to trust them again, and is this person worthy of your confidence in regaining your trust? Sounds like they are or you wouldn't ask. Time, patience, and communication. And hopefully whomever did the trust-breaking cares for and appreciates you enough to want to have back what existed prior to the issue. Most of all, don't worry yourself to death about it. It will make things worse.

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