Do you sometimes wonder if your so-called friends secretly hate you?

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   brimancandyposted 12 years ago

   I have a large circle of friends on facebook from my camping adventures, but, it seems to me that I can't make a comment without getting dumped on. They are doing some things at the camp ground that a lot of people don't like. I recently commented on those things, and made a few suggestions, and people are acting like I'm a total bitch. Pretty much telling me in various ways to shut up.
   
   What brought this discussion up, is the possible action by the owners of the campground to close off one of the most popular buildings on the grounds, and turn it into a "Members Only." section. While the campground itself is member based. Basically saying that the most premium members will be the only ones allowed access to that building, as a way to save money? Other's are saying that they are closing the building all together, so that they do not need to heat it, run electric, or maintain he restrooms and showers. Though a majority of campers prefer to use those features, and losing them will greatly reduce the number of those features available to all guests. Almost like the theme park way of doing business, whomever pays the most money gets the best, while a majority get the shaft.
   
   My comments, seem to have lead others to come to the conclusion that the campground is going downhill. Yet nobody dumps on them, they turn around and dump on me. I try not to be too negative, but when something means a lot to me, I have to comment on it.
   
   I don't know, sometimes I wonder if people think I'm a bitch. But, like I mentioned in my last facebook post. I'm as sweet as a kitten. I just haven't been de-clawed!!

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   vonda g nelsonposted 12 years ago

   The thought would be just as repulsive as "a so called friend" hating you while claiming to be a friend.  I don't know the details of whats going on with you and your friends but I'm quite sure whatever it is you are at the age to know the difference between who's real and who's fake.  To be honest I believe for someone to achieve "friendship status" you have to do more than just camp together.  That isn't enough to seal the deal so to speak.  LOL whether or not they're on your facebook page

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   brimancandyposted 12 years ago

   Just to clear up a few things I might have said. Most of the people who are kind of telling me to shut up, are people I have known for 5 or 6 years. I think it's more about the campgrounds reputation being more important than hurt feelings. At our camp, we tend to think of each other as family. What hurts some will eventually hurt all. This is a very touchy subject for some reason, and I am just always seen as the bad guy. When I am not the one making the decisions that hurt people in the first place.
   
   Thanks for your comment vonda. I appreciate it.

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      vonda g nelsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      it's like that sometimes....the folk you think serve a purpose, due to "longevity"  in time will have you realize otherwise.  Knowing the difference between friends and folk are no different from knowing what you are getting involved with when concerning picking a mate.  Trust.....it never matters what people claim to see you to be, it's all about who you are.  If the truth be told most folk are blind....you can't take what they are claiming to see personal.   Most of the time on the low they are spilling the beans as to who they really are.   No problem......good luck!

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   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   Perhaps your friends are suggesting you just have fun while camping, and take any specific suggestions you have to camp management.  If you write a letter they may even sign on to it.

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      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly what someone suggested, not knowing that I already talked to the management about a similar project. I think the thing that bothers me the most about the remarks, is that it seems like some people would rather that we didn't discuss this situation at all, like it was some secret being held by a select few, and that nobody else was supposed to know about it. Why keep it a secret? Also, this is something that is going to be happen in 2013. There is even talk that they may turn the portion of the campground I mentioned, into a live-in resort. Like the one they have in Florida.

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   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   People can think it is important, and still think there is a time and place to discuss it--which is not necessarily during their holiday festivities. Unless there was an urgent deadline, I would tend to agree with them.

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      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Not discussed during the holiday. Since the camp ground closed in October, and doesn't open again until April, it's not really a holiday issue.  People come to camp from all over the midwest. None of us live near each other. But, during the summer, we see each other almost every weekend. As for a deadline, none of us know the specifics on what the owners of the camp ground plan to do. They are the only ones who have not joined the discussion. But, then again, they could be down in Florida at their other property, and just haven't heard about the discussion yet.  Most of the talk is via our facebook group, which has several thousand members.

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   EsmeSanBonaposted 12 years ago

   I have absolutely no idea of what the situation is that is going on with you specifically, but to answer your question in a sad, sad, sad, word--yes.
   
   Now please do not take my answer as any indication that I am cynical, hard or cold-hearted, or overcome with pessimism.  What I am is a person who has seen into both the remarkable ability of human beings to be unbelievably altruistic and loving and simultaneously petty, jealous and weirdly vindictive when they haven't really been wronged in the first place. 
   
   I have had "friends"--people I knew and shared life with for over a decade act in ways that I could barely comprehend toward me at various times in life while I have experienced more love and generosity from people I barely knew that shamed me. 
   
   Sometimes, and this is where my "yes" came from, people will, for reasons I don't really understand, seek out a person and appear to befriend that person whilst simultaneously undermining, even sabotaging that person behind that person's back.  One need only look as far as Shakespeare's Iago or Jesus' Judas to see just how classic that motif is.  It isn't a rarity in humanity--it's something so common it's included in classic literature and it's included there because it's something many experience even if many don't comprehend the idea.
   
   That being said, I think what you might want to think about is more of a pattern of behaviour rather than looking at an isolated incident.  Sometimes people disagree with others (especially perhaps if they are guilty of whatever is under discussion) and they act out.  And sometimes people just sometimes fail.  That's it.  We all do.   Sometimes one isn't dealing with an Iago or a Judas, but rather just human fallibility.  I cringe sometimes when I think of ways I personally have failed loved ones without even realizing it--and that makes it all the more worse, to me--when I was so self-absorbed I didn't even think. 
   
   I think what one must do is periodically evaluate one's relationships--are they relationships that are vital and promote growth between parties, or are they just habits that maybe serve no purpose to anyone anymore?  Has something happened that is an isolated occurrence or is there a pattern of behaviour that is occurring?   The reason I think this is important is because sometimes "friendships" take a nasty turn wherein something occurs that is far more pathological than just an outgrowing of one another, they turn into fields ripe for cultivating one's very own Iago or Judas--and that can be a dangerous situation. 
   
   I notice that sometimes the people most prone to growing an Iago or Judas are those who are publicly outspoken, but privately quiet.  What I mean by that is that I know people who are very proactive when it comes to assisting others, standing up against injustice, taking a stand on an issue, etc. but when it comes to friendships, they are so forgiving of the actions of others that others end up taking advantage of them.  It is an interesting dichotomy--not one that I am saying is yours, just something to maybe think about. :-)
   
   I hope that helps some and isn't depressing.  I don't think it is--after all, we make the world what we want, even if we encounter bad friends, friendship is still good as long as we keep on trying to be the best friend(s) we can possibly be to others.

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   brimancandyposted 12 years ago

   That was quite an interesting reply EsmeSanBona. I'm sure a lot of people who might see this post in the forum, will be interested in what you had to say. I think the problem with people who use their brains too much, they tend to analyze everything, and every person they come in contact with.
   
   Some have a habit of taking a simple comment, and turning it into something that it's not. For example: It was women's weekend once at a resort that I attend in the summer months. And, I made the simple comment, that I hoped it would not be a total chickfest, as in, maybe there might be some men there to chat with. (Usually 400 women/vs 5 guys) And, one of my "friends" replied, saying that I was being rude to all women, and that if I hated women that much I should just stay home. Which is something I never said, yet the hate comments towards me fell like rain.
   
   Most of my friends thought it was funny. They spent a few weeks calling me "Alphalfa". (The kid from our gang comedies.) They asked me when the next time was that I was going to get together with Spanky, and go to the women hater's club. I didn't think I was every going to live that down. And, trying to say I was sorry for making that comment, only made it worse.
   
   So I did the Buggs Bunny Thing...As In "Shut up...Shutting up!" Ok Boss!

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      Kathryn LJposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I think I know where your coming from.  I have been evaluating my relationships with some of my friends just recently.  People who I have known for a long time and who have become quite unpleasant just recently.  You know the kind of thing, jumping down your throat at the least little remark, disagreeing with what ever you say, in spite of the fact that they have voiced the same opinion as you on numerous occasions and dismissing your personal achievements as irrelevant. 
      At first, I thought it was my fault, that I had upset them in some way, that perhaps I had been self absorbed or insensitive.  Then, I was hurt and felt I was being bullied.  Finally, I realised that my relationship had changed with them as it often does with long term friendships.  I have to make the decision as whether I try to sort out the 'problem', back off and let nature take it's course or accept that sometimes relationships go sour for no particular reason.  Sometimes, you are just you, and suddenly start annoying the **** out of people.  The dynamics of groups are just that; dynamic and occasionally it might be you that finds yourself out in the cold.
      
      My solution to all of this?  Well after a lot of soul searching and self recrimination, my profound pronouncement is .......... Sod them!  Some times you can bend over backwards for people and they just respect you less.  To thyself be true and if you do, they might too:)

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         vonda g nelsonposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Excellent advice Kathryn....you hit a few nails right on the head.  As for me "bending over backwards no longer exist".  It can turn out to be your worst nightmare especially with folk that you have known forever.  People tend to take your silence, patience and giving them the benefit of the doubt for a weakness.  You'll only be considered cool and acceptable if you can be silenced or continue to take a back seat.  You sealed your comment by saying To thine own self be true

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