Dear aprilplenzick,
I'm a 59 year old gay man who has lived long enough to be able to say that I never thought I would be around to see marriage equality a reality or men and women serving openly as gays or lesbians in the military (I was secretly a gay member of the US Army for three years in the mid '70s). When I wrote to my father 30 years ago that I had joined the local gay band in San Francisco, which was actually the first one in this country at the time, I learned from my mother (who had found the letter) that my father had suffered greatly from the knowledge and was at least temporarily disabled from it and that she hoped that my "..lifestyle changes soon." I didn't mean to hurt them but, since they were from a small town and that they believed nothing could be more disgraceful, what I shared with them tore at their very being.
Understandably, my father is conservative and more religious than the average man. Although a brother and I became alter boys, I chose to abandon the church before leaving home to serve my country (thinking that the experience might somehow change me). After having several gay experiences with fellow soldiers, I soon realized that that was not likely and decided not to make the service my career. After leaving the Army, I fled home again for San Francisco, where I lived for more than three decades.
It took many years, but I eventually outgrew most of my paranoia (an effect of my military experience) in relation to being gay. I am also very happy to see how much of the world has changed since then. I even have a gay nephew in Boston who married his male companion. Unfortunately, many people long to turn back the clock and live in simpler, or less accepting times, to be blind to the truth that you (like most young people today), not having been directly affected by the crippling past, understand as just fair or good common sense.
Some people can never become enlightened and accepting of the differences in their fellow human beings because they choose to refuse to do so and remain in their narrow belief structure. Most such types will actually feel that they are the enlightened ones and that gays and lesbians, rather than human beings, are disciples of the devil who wish to destroy the family and this country. Unknowingly, many of these so called good Christians who usually also wrap themselves in the flag, are being supported and guided by preachers who are really wolves in sheep's clothing and politicians who are more like snake oil salesmen than servants of this country's citizens.
What these simpler types see as learned judgement relates to the precept that similar is good and to be embraced and different is bad and to be shunned, run out of town, or ruin their lives. Although in the New Testament it is advised that one love thy neighbor, even if they be your enemy, most people influenced by religious views prefer to turn to the good old days of the old testament where it is best to hate or destroy your enemies.
And, like the Nazi's in Germany in the '30s when economic times were very tough, evil doers will use such hard times to scapegoat people who are different and blame them for their woes. It is time for people to wake up and not be lead down a path of hatred, ignorance, and alienation. During tough times we should all be trying to just get along and find and appreciate what unites us instead of focusing on the differences as something meant to divide us. "United we stand, divided we fall" should be everyone's motto, rather than feeling that "only people like me should be free".
