Another gay oriented question. Answer if you like.

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  1. brimancandy profile image81
    brimancandyposted 12 years ago

    There is a question going around about gay people on wether or not they choose to be gay, or if they think they were born that way. Well, someone came up with the brilliant idea of asking people on the street if they were gay or straight, and, then asked them the following question, which had them all stumped.

    Most of the people said they chose to be straight. So, the question was. If you chose to be straight, at what age do you think you made that choice. Most people just had this look of "Duh" on their face. And, then retracted their answer saying that they didn't think they really chose to be straight at any given age, it is just somthing that happened to them.

    So, the follow up question to that was. If you can't recall when you chose to be straight. Wouldn't it make sense that gay people can't pinpoint the exact date of when they chose to be gay, or it did it just happen to them, like being straight happened to you.

    Imagine the look on their faces as they tried to figure that one out. Just like gay people have been trying to figure themselves out for years. Does anyone really know?

    So if you want to answer the questions you can.

    At what age did you choose to be gay or straight? And, do you think you really made a choice? or did it just happen to you?

    1. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
      SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      it just wasn't a wasn't a just was...

      i'm straight...and i assume it is the same experience for G/L/TG...but what do i know...i can only speak from my experience with who I am....a 'strait' gurrrrllll! smile.....grrrrrrrrr.....hear me roar! lol (about the roar)

      1. brimancandy profile image81
        brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        You go with that roar!

    2. Georgiakevin profile image60
      Georgiakevinposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think anyone "chooses" to be gay. I think you are born being Gay or heterosexual. There is too much pain in this for it to be a choice. No one would choose pain. We are who we are.

      1. livelonger profile image90
        livelongerposted 12 years agoin reply to this


        I've known I was gay as long as I can possibly remember it, although I fought it and lived in miserable self-denial through childhood. Thankfully in college I was able to come out and stop living a lie.

        My sexual orientation was certainly not a choice for me, although to live open and honest about who I am was.

  2. Diane Inside profile image76
    Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

    I think it is a more complicated question than that.

    You just simplify it too much. I've known people who have chosen to be gay.

    I had one girlfriend, that chose to be gay because she was abused by a number or men, going back to childhood when she was molested as a very young girl, up till her husband beat her for years.

    So I can't say that many have not had gay tendencies from birth, I do know that at least some, do choose this lifestyle.

    1. brimancandy profile image81
      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I didn't simplify it. The question was asked by someone else on Youtube, I am only repeating the question here.

      I also find it hard to believe that someone would choose to be with the same sex just because they were abused or beaten by the oposite sex. When I was a teenage boy, guys regularly tormented me, picked on me, and beat me. So, wouldn't it seem that I would choose to be with women?
      But, no, I am attracted to men. I'm gay.

      I'm not saying that your friend isn't telling you something that she doesn't believe in her heart, but there is obviously more to it than that. I'm no shrink, but, I never believed anything they spew out anyways. It's certainly a very convenient profession.

      I would like to hear from one shrink who claims to know the exact reason why he has so many patients for whatever reason. The problem is, people always assume there is a right or wrong...yes or no answer to everything. Nobody wants to accept the in between.

      However, if your friend claims she choose to be gay, I say, glad you can feel compfortable saying that. Just never forget who you are inside. That is all that really matters.

  3. Shadesbreath profile image82
    Shadesbreathposted 12 years ago

    The people who are opposed to the existence of homosexuals don't care about reasonable arguments.  Any argument against homosexualty that claims logic at all has to come from the standpoint of divine decree.  Which by its very nature excludes "reason" and relies on faith in an invisible being.

    Game over.

    That's why there is this unending impasse.  The religious intolerant with the word of God yelling at the homosexuals who scream back, "OMFG, I don't care what you think that book says, I'm RIGHT HERE.  Hello?  Anyone home?  I'm telling you how it works already."

    It's pretty sad, really.  Meanwhile the country is taking a big economic dump while everyone argues about this instead.  At least the bankers are happy.  They get to pick our pockets while we are all electrified by the intentially stirred up chaos.

    1. Diane Inside profile image76
      Diane Insideposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You got a point there shades.

  4. rmcrayne profile image93
    rmcrayneposted 12 years ago

    I yam what I yam. 

    Thanks for the post.  I imagine those people looked at the questioner like he or she had three heads.  Which is exactly how my Southern relatives always looked at me when I made such points about gay bashing or racism.

  5. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 12 years ago

    ...well..I'm sure there are various life experiences....
    my sis tells me...(now this is my perception of what she has told me) she is lesbian and always has questions from me...she's had no whatever...she's just lesbian...and that's okay...glad she's okay with me being hetro/'s as simple as that for me....i don't see it as a complicated question...and i don't see it as a 'lifestyle'...who the heck would want to live a 'lifestyle' that many people put down, don't understand, etc., etc........etc....etc......and i never, ever, ever thought of asking her whether she was born that way, or if something happened to her to make her not be attracted to just just is....she just is....i just am....

    I was her witness (whatever you wanna call it) at her wedding i've been to...she's been in a long term relationship for more than 25 years...mine didn't make it...her's is still going strong....she's catholic too btw....and the story goes on and

    my 2 cents! grrrrr!!!!! again!!!  lol

  6. Diane Inside profile image76
    Diane Insideposted 12 years ago

    I am not Gay, and she has been a friend for many years, and she has become very destructive lately, having to do with the abuse I'm sure, I honestly think this decision is just a safe option.

    at least in her eyes.

  7. lrohner profile image69
    lrohnerposted 12 years ago

    I totally agree that you're born either being homosexual or heterosexual. To me, there's no difference. You choose to love another human being, and that human being may be female or male.

    But I do also know someone that "chose" to be gay--for a few years anyway. smile My ex-sister-in-law was married for umpteen years, divorced her hubby when her kids were teens, moved in with her gay lover, left her 7 or 8 years later and remarried hubby. Sigh... And things weren't complicated enough.

  8. brimancandy profile image81
    brimancandyposted 12 years ago

    I think I should respond to the main question. At what age did I "choose" to be gay. Well, I didn't really choose, I just kind of figured it out when I was 15.

    I dated girls all through grade school and junior high. I even went as far as some sexual exploring with a couple of my girlfriends, but, I was never really compfortable when it came to the exploration. However, at the same time, I was doing a little exploring with my best friend Mike.

    And, I was discovering that I enjoyed doing it more with him than with any girl I had been with. And, the more I hung out with him, and the more we explored each other. I started feeling that I was in love with him, a feeling that really scared the shit out of me, because I knew it was supposed to be wrong, but, I couldn't help it. I really loved him.

    I spent a lot of nights crying, as I didn't want to feel that way anymore, but the feelings just kept on coming, and eventually I realized that I was starting to find other boys attractive too. And, eventually lost all interest in girls. I never made my feelings known to my friend Mike, but, I had a feeling that he knew, and just never mentioned it.

    After my thing with Mike, I moved back to the city, where I was going to another school. And, I told myself that I would no longer have those thoughts...but it didn't work. Well, within my first weeks there I became friends with another guy, (Chris) and, one thing lead to another and he asked me if I was gay. I of course said no, and then he told me that he was. And, that was why he wanted to be my friend, because he was sure that I was gay too. Well, I had my first full on sex with him that afternoon...and, I was feeling scared and excited at the same time. It was pretty damn awesome.

    Well, after that, he wanted to do the sex thing after school every day. but, I was so scared and unsure, that I would often say no, even though I really wanted to. And eventually I just stopped saying no, and, it was the most excited I have ever been in my life. Finding someone who wanted me sexually was a pretty awesome feeling. Especially when it's another guy. You just don't expect it.

    So, around 18, I finally said, this is me. I like being with men, I want to love men. And, as much as I want to talk myself out of it, and not be this way, it's not going to happen, so I might as well just accept it. And, be happy being who I am.

    Once I did that, I decided I was ok with myself. There are still times where I think I could probably be straight if I chose to be straight...but, it's obviously a choice that can't be made. Believe me I tried! It just doesn't work.

    So did I choose to be gay? No. I just accepted it as somthing that I can't change, and I don't want to change. I don't think any gay person can safely say they chose to be gay, just like straight people can't say for sure that they chose to be straight. Straight people will probably say they chose to be straight, mainly because they might have never given it thought.

    Anyways, the main reason I post all this, is because there might be someone out there who is confused and afraid. Don't be. Take things a day at a time, and eventually you will be ok with who you are. And, if you are sure of yourself...thanks for taking the time to read this. More power to you!

  9. profile image0
    TransScribblerposted 12 years ago

    As the handle suggests, I am transgender (transsexual if you prefer). This means that I was BORN in a male body, but have always identified as female since at least the age of 6.
    I did not choose to be trans, nor did I wake up one morning and think "hey, I'm going to be a woman today."
    Being trans is my gender identification. My sexual orientation is something completely different. As far as I am concerned, I am a straight (heterosexual) woman. I am sexually attracted to men, just like any other hetero woman.
    My male partner is also straight. He is only sexually attracted to women - which is how he has always identified me. I have never been with a woman, and he has never been with a man.

    1. Georgiakevin profile image60
      Georgiakevinposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      You are a heterosexual woman. I am so impressed that you saw who you were at a young age. Others are not so wise and lead unhappy lives because they cannot be who they were meant to be. You are inspiring.

  10. WryLilt profile image90
    WryLiltposted 12 years ago

    When I was a kid I just knew girls were pretty to look at.

    By the time I reached high school I found I was equally attracted to both males and females.

  11. profile image64
    Beaksposted 12 years ago

    Some do choose and some don't. An overwhelming number of women who have been molested or were born as the product of a rape are lesbian, while that is relatively rare in the general population. Why is that? Was there a decision made? Also, you have to look at how you were brought up, if you were encouraged to be interested in the opposite sex as a child, etc. It really isn't as simple as it sounds.

    1. Diane Inside profile image76
      Diane Insideposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I agree beaks, it isn't.  I think it is not as simple as that.  Gays and lesbians, want it to be common knowledge that you are born that way. and refute the idea that some do choose to be homosexual.

      I actually believe we all choose what we want,  but that is just me.

    2. brimancandy profile image81
      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      When I was in my late teens, (I pretty much already knew I was gay) my dad used to stress to me how nice it would be for me to grab myself a fat wife, and get married and have children. He would always say there is nothing better than being bed down with a good woman.

      He constantly asked me what happened to that girl I was dating, or reminded me of times that he saw me kissing whats her name on the porchswing in front of our house. And, how he always though the one girl I dated was pretty, and asked me why I didn't give her a call.

      It was mainly because I already had a boyfriend, but I wasn't about to tell him that. All this talk about people being gay because of this and that is nonsense. It just happens, to debate about why it happpens could go off in a thousand different directions. One reason why gay people will never have the freedom we want, because there will always be someone that will! That can't happen because of more nonsense.

      Oh, by the way, I don't think I was born gay. It's more like something that occurs with puberty. Some girls sprout humoungous breasts, guys start whacking off, and some become homosexual. It just happens.

      Want to have fun, live on a farm with lots of animals. It's like a Bisexual orgy sometimes. Not only will male animals have sex with other male and female animals, they'll even go after the mother that gave birth to them. Yet nobody ever questions why that happens, yet it does.

  12. kirstenblog profile image80
    kirstenblogposted 12 years ago

    What a cool thread. birmancandy, I admire your frank honesty here! I for one am glad that you choose to share and hope that others will take a similar view. I think maybe some of these bible bashing extremists need to know that its REAL PEOPLE they are hurting with their bigotry.

    I don't can't say as I ever made a choice one way or the other but then again I consider myself bi so maybe its my way of not having to decide anything! lol
    Besides girls are real pretty but boys have their uses too wink

    I am married and in a long term relationship. He has always said that if I wanted a girl friend he would not get jealous of that and be happy for me, if she liked him to so much the better. I don't think that that would happen tho, its sweet of him to say and all but 3 way relationships are way to complicated! Really a 2 way relationship is to complicated!

    I choose to marry a man because I fell in love with him, does that make me straight? I still get those warm tinglies when I see a fit young woman. Heck I point out pretty girls to my guy all the time! I think maybe this stuff is more complicated then a choice.  You may choose actions but the feelings behind those actions are not a choice by any stretch of the imagination. If your feelings run counter to the choices you wish to make then chances are life is going to be hard and miserable. This is why I think it is selfish of people to insist that their beliefs and choices are the only ones that should be available to others.

    1. brimancandy profile image81
      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      A funny thing about your answer. I used to know a couple years ago, and they were both bisexual. (Man & Woman) We would be sitting in the mall, and a hot guy would be walking by, and we would all giggle.

      I watched them for a bit, and I found it funny how they would watch members of both sexes walk by, and then comment on their looks.
      The best moment was when a man and a women passed our bench both of them going in different directions.

      If found it really wild when I noticed that he was watching the guy, and she was watching the girl. But, he seemed more interested in the guys then the multitude of women that walked by, and she seemed more interested in the guys too.

      There was talk of a 3 way between us. But, I had to say no. Because I only like men. I eventually had sex with the guy a few times, but, then they both stopped wanting to hang around with me. I often wonder how they are.
      That was over 22 years ago. Sure brings back memories.

  13. Joe Badtoe profile image61
    Joe Badtoeposted 12 years ago

    whether you are born into a particular sexual orientation or you choose a sexual orientation that suits you there is only one answer....

    it doesn't matter. Good people are good people.

    Two instances. I had a conversation with a guy once where the idea of being gay was discussed I explained my reasons for being straight which was I love women. He came out with a quote that still makes me laugh when he said 'I'm not gay but if I was being chatted up by a really good looking guy well maybe I might turn gay ..even if just for an night!'

    Then there was a guy at college who played for the rugby team (I was captain of the team at the time)and I was looking for him around the campus to give him some info about a game that was coming up. I found him in the library and surprised him because he was fixed into a book and never saw me approaching. He tried to hide the book under a newspaper and stuttered a oh hello' to me. I persuaded him to show me the book and it was basically about how to come out of the closet. I said to him that he didn't need a book to advise him, his emotions were enough. He also told me that he thought he'd probably have to give up playing rugby once his homosexuality was made public. He was a very talented player and I said that if he stopped playing because of what others thought about his sexual preferences then he would be allowing ignorance to dictate how he lived.

    He played on.

    My point? You are what you are and if you're comfortable with that's all there is to it. No further explanation required.

  14. pisean282311 profile image66
    pisean282311posted 12 years ago

    I dont think i choosed to be straight..It was automatic..Girls attract me , boys i can't say i choosed to be like was in built i guess...

  15. profile image0
    klarawieckposted 12 years ago

    I'm an Elemetary school teacher, and I can honestly say that effeminate behavior is seeing as early as six or seven years of age. Does that mean that these boys are gay? Not really, but it is obvious that they share more things in common with girls than boys. Masculine behavior in girls develops later on, usually as a way to hide their own insecurities. The girl might not feel opt to compete with the prettiest girls in school, so she hangs out with the boys acting and dressing as one of them. Many of these girls are not gay but struggle with their low self-esteem throughout their teenage years.
    I think anyone who is open about their homosexuality has made a choice. It goes against what's conventional and it's a decision that weights heavily upon the shoulder of the person who has to come out of the closet. It's a tough decision to make - having to tell your family, friends, coworkers, etc.
    So, to answer your question - Being gay is not a choice, it is something that you are born with and develop it as you grow up. However, admitting that you are gay and acting upon this sexual preference is a choice, as much as it would be to choose being part of a heterosexual relationship.

  16. mega1 profile image69
    mega1posted 12 years ago

    such a complicated subject.  I think it safe to say that there are a multitude of sexual orientations - and as many "reasons" as there are people in the world for being what we are.  I clearly remember having a huge girl crush on an older girl, but when she came on to me and tried to do sexual things with me (I was 8) I was so turned off I realized right then that I would only want to have sex with men.  I may have been too young - but I also realized then that it was so complicated - I was very attracted to this older girl, but I didn't want to DO anything with her, I just wanted to love her, and maybe that was because I was too young.  HOWEVER, I know for a fact of other 8 to 12 year olds (relatives) who regularly pursued sex then - not full on, but as close as you can get.  So there is no one answer for people and I just wish people could accept that they are not going to have the answer for anyone but themselves.  For me it seemed like a choice, but it probably really wasn't.  I still love looking at beauty - no matter what gender - and yet, I am not at all turned on by, for example, seeing porno of women getting it on together.  Therefore, although I feel bi, I guess I'm straight - so see how complicated?  I do feel that many, many people have had the issue so messed up for them by parents and other teachers that they can never be honest about what they feel.  too bad.  Still, "good people are good people"  and beauty is beauty no matter what package it comes in.

    1. brimancandy profile image81
      brimancandyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Who can honestly say they knew anything about sex at that age. I went through a lot of my early childhood more interested in playing with my friends, watching cartoons, sleeping, and taking lots of bubble baths.

      I wasn't really interested in sex, or dating until I was 11. And, I only became interested because my male friends were already going out with girls, and talking about them. Which eventually led me to getting involved with a girl too. Her name was Dawn, and I really liked her a lot. I even thought we would grow up together and get married.  But, we both moved to different towns and I never saw her again. We used to make out like crazy, and I had zero interest in other boys at that time.

      I went through junior high dating a couple other girls, and had a few good friends. It wasn't until the age of 15 that I started getting interested in other boys, and as I mentioned before, it started with one boy, and grew to an interest in others. I didn't even know what a homosexual was, until I started hearing about the "fags." that were hanging out in the park by my local highschool. Older guys from the local college.

      I remember looking at one boy in the locker room,  whom I thought looked pretty buff standing there in his tighty whiteys, and the next thing I know he discovers I am looking at him, and calls me a faggot. Which made me mad and confused at the same time. So, I of course had to ask someone what that meant. And, he told me that it means you like boys. And, I responded. I do like boys.

      My friend of course assumed he had to correct me...and says. No it means you really like boys, like a homo would. I of course didn't know what a homo was. He got flustered and told me to ask someone else, and, really didn't want to talk about it. So, I started doing my own little research, and that's when I first started getting clues that I might be a faggot, just like the kid in the locker room said I was.

      You pretty much have to get into a lot of self discovery when you have the feeling that you might be gay. Unlike straight kids who never give their sexuality any thought, gay kids are tormented by it on a daily baisis. I just knew that I certainly didn't want to be a homosexual. But, once I started having feelings for my first male love interest, (Mike) I just didn't want to be with anyone else. I was totally in love with him.

      However, in my research, I discovered that my feelings for Mike, might be just a temporary phase, and I would want to go back to dating girls again. But, in the two years that I was buddies with Mike, it didn't happen, and I couldn't think about anyone else, and, my interest in other boys just grew.
      And, the little "secret" things we did together, certainly wasn't helping.

      I still wonder to this day, if I had never done those things with Mike, or did all of those "secret" things with him, if I might have turned out different. But, I also remember how good I felt whenever I was with him. All the sleepovers, and being close to him, are some of my fondest memories of my childhood, and I still miss him, and think about him every day.

      I was crushed when my family decided to move again. We moved to a town 30 miles away, and I would beg my dad to take me to see him.
      He of course would say no, and that I just needed to make new friends.
      So, whenever I felt strong enough, I would ride my bike the 30 miles to see him, and I did that until I was 17.

      Mikey grew to be quite a stud. 6' 2" and devilishly hot looking. He got big into sports, and was on both his schools basketball and football teams.
      he was always glad to see me when I would visit, but when he was in the 10th grade, he seemed less interested, and suggested that I shouldn't come over anymore. Mainly because his parents didn't want me there.

      It was around that time that I moved back to the city, and a whole new chapter in my life began. I of course tried to keep in contact with Mike, but, his family eventually moved, and I never heard from him again.

      I know, my story unfolds like a bad soap opera. Thanks for bearing with me. I am glad to share my experience with others, and I am verry happy that there have been no hateful comments or remarks. Thanks for reading. I should write a book!!!

      1. profile image54
        jeangurlposted 12 years agoin reply to this

        I didnt choose to be Gay and on another post have said how i was abused as a child,however some how from that time i became gay or possibly always was and the abuse didnt turn me off.
        I was however always pretty and effeminate and that may have led me to becoming a sissie and the sub or catcher that i became (never very successfully though perhaps i was actually asexual.)


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