Any sdvice wanted here love experts. I am seriously confused right now

Jump to Last Post 1-2 of 2 discussions (4 posts)
  1. joween18 profile image85
    joween18posted 3 years ago

    Hey hubbers, long post, thanks in advance to anybody who replies...

    So, I've been dating this girl for about 4 years, and we've gotten real close. Everything's been good, we have our occasional quarrels, but we're always fine.

    Anyways, I guess she hit some boiling point this weekend. We were hanging out after school, and she ended up meeting some of her friends and I started feeling ignored. I've had major jealousy issues in the past, (nothing that's ever been an issue with her, with another girl) so I try to keep it under control, so I end up talking to one of her friends until she's done with her chicks. Later in the day over the phone she's acting weird, distant, like something's really upsetting her. You know, usual things, like "What's wrong," she says "nothing..." Anyways, she hangs up on me, and I'm worried.

    I was chatting her the today, she's angry at herself for feeling angry, she's angry at herself for making me feel bad, etc. She's wallowing in self pity. She's really passive, doesn't like to concern others with her problems, blames herself, and I don't know how to handle this. She means ALOT to me, and I'd hate to lose her because she can't handle HERSELF, I mean, yeah, it's not even me, I didn't even mess up, I don't know what to do when she's upset with HERSELF. She's done this several times, though not this bad, she can't even talk to me. She's had problems in the past handling her emotions concerning me, but never this bad.

    Please, can somebody please help me handle this? Any advices? I'm feeling lost right now.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Your profile seems to indicate that you are approximately 21.
      You said you have been with this girl for about (4) years which would suggest you met when you were in the 16/17 age range.
      Very few people meet their "soul-mate" at that age.
      They haven't figured out who (they are) yet let alone know what kind of mate they want/need for the rest of their lives.

      Unfortunately as teens we look to emulate our parents or other adult relationships. Oftentimes we have unrealistic expectations which set us up for our first heartbreak. I can't tell you how many teenage lovers go off to different colleges expecting to maintain a long-distance relationship for the next 4-6 years.

      Eventually one or both start to socialize/party with students who are actually on campus with them and dating others ensues.
      They were too young and immature to realize they were being unrealistic.
      Youth is a time for learning, exploring, and discovery.


      People and relationships evolve over time. What one may have considered their "ideal mate" at age 16/17 may not be what they want at ages 21, 25, 31 or beyond. One day a person realizes they're simply not happy.

      Don't be surprised to discover that she is ready to make a change. By that I mean either date other people or she feels the relationship has run it's course. She may feel bad about this because she sees you as being a "good/nice guy".

      Some people have problems with coming right out and saying they want out of a relationship. The cowardly approach is to anger their mate enough to cause them to be the one to break things off, or they distance themselves/ask for space, until the relationship gradually dies, or they pray you will do something that gives them a "legitimate reason" in their mind to explode and breakup with you.

      There's no need to play games.

      It's also possible that she is unhappy with her life (as a whole) and wants to shake things up a bit. It's not uncommon for someone feeling depressed  to feel they need a "fresh start".

      Communication is the GPS for relationships.
      It lets you know if you're "growing together" or "growing apart".

      You need to have a (face to face) conversation with her. No phone calls, emails, or texting. Tell her that you sense she is "pulling away from you" and you want to know if she wants out of the relationship.
      (Be silent and wait for her answer)

      If she says "yes" then accept it and let her know you wish her the best.
      Odds are she'll think about how graceful you were about it and may decide she really doesn't want to breakup with you after all. It's also possible she may be relieved. Either way you will find out the truth.

      On the other hand she may tell you about some other issue she's been having. I suspect however it does involve your relationship. Any couple that's been together for 4 years probably has discussed every outside issue that happens in their lives. Keeping secrets implies a lack of trust.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone has been in a 4 year relationship with you and does not feel they can talk to you about everything it means they don't see you as being "the one". As I stated the majority of teenage lovers don't end up living happily ever after. She may be evaluating this stage of her life.

      1. joween18 profile image85
        joween18posted 3 years agoin reply to this

        You're advice really hit the point. Thanks for taking time writing this one. I really advices like this one. Hopefully, we can cheer out a bit and resolve this problem once and for all.

  2. Cheeky Kid profile image98
    Cheeky Kidposted 3 years ago

    "She doesn't like to concern others with her problems" yet here you are getting all-concerned. That means whatever she's doing - she's doing it wrong! If she's upset with herself and can't handle her own emotions, then most probably - neither could you. Better ask her directly what she really wants than try to guess what's really happening. Not a love expert here though because no one's truly an expert in love. :3

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)