How do you handle it when your mother let's your 13 year old sister dress like she is 20, & smoke?
since 11 she has been able to smoke and take a numerous perscriptions and date men up to 20 yrs old,lets her stay home from school and doesn't let her husband (the stepdad) or anyone else discipline the girl. She runs around using the most rude language and backtalks every time asked to do something. She has no consequences when she acts out in violence. The mother just makes excuses for her. What could be done to get the mother to see that this is a dangerous road she is letting the 13 year old go down? How do we get her to listen and understand what we are saying? Please help
I would suggest telling a school counselor about her, as a first step. Theywill know the appropriate steps.
thank you very much,that has been aproached,and the school wants her to not disturb others there to learn and last week told mom and stepdad that they that before she could come back to school on Friday that they had to come up and talk to them only to have the school say that they did not feel that the girl was getting anything out of coming to school only to be sent home. so they are suggesting home school for her. She gets her way and gets to be at home all day due to all of her antics at the school.
Wow, this kid needs to be jerked out of that environment before something serious happens to her. If it were my family I would turn in the mother to the authorities. Sounds pretty harsh but there is a young life at stake here. Fixing it yourself is over your head and you could make things worse. Put it into the hands of the experienced and sit back and wait to be hated and resented for sticking your nose in but also be comforted by the fact you have saved someone from disaster. You have no other option so get busy!Don't put it off because you could be reading in the paper of her murder, arrest, abduction, over dose. How would you feel then? God speed!
I agree with landthatilove, as much as you may care about this person, if that girl doesn't get help, there could be serious problems. Just think about if this is continuing and she for some reason were to get pregnant. What would happen to her children? She isn't going to change by anything you can do because she is already to far gone by this point. A professional is going to have to take over. If the mother doesn't do anything, she really doesn't deserve to have children. I don't mean to hurt you by saying any of this but as you mentioned, she does need help. At least your taking the steps to get her some.
I also agree with landthatilove, if you do not report the issue to cps, there's not much else you can do. A person that makes excuses for their children that way, are more harmful than anything because they don't put a stop to it and let it get completely out of hand. As much as your mother "loves" your sister, she's hurting her even more and therefore is not a suitable parent for her. Reporting her makes the difference between your sister being in school, graduating, furthering her career, living her life age appropriately and ultimately enjoying it making something of herself OR being another statistic of teen pregnancy, drinking, getting addicted to drugs, not being able to hold a job, making the same mistakes with her future children, ending up a miserable mess, possibly even dead at a young age. Kids need rules, boundaries, and discipline to shape them into responsible independent self-sufficient beings. Something, this young girl will not be if she keeps going down this road, unfortunate but true. I'm sure you want someone to tell you that it'll be ok and she's listen and turn around. But, honestly, if she hasn't listened yet it's extremely doubtful she will any time soon. Also, if the mom hasn't done anything till now, she has no control and can't possibly do anything and doesn't seem as though she'll get any sense knocked into herself either. Not making the HARDEST which is also the BEST decision, is selfish, cause this young girl won't stand a chance.
Also, she definitely needs psychological help because there are obviously some underlying issues here that she hasn't dealt with which drive her violent, disruptive, disrespectful, and self-destructive behavior.
It is a situation when sisters become uncontrollable. The tip i can give is be calm and let her know the dangers of the world and get her to a counselling. Understand her problems , why she gets frustrated , what is that she has deep in her mind that makes her rude. When you get it out she will be ok.
I agree with the comments above that this is a very difficult situation. It is one of these situations where you need to get involved and follow up on the ideas above. Have you considered involved DHS? But maybe before you do that, how about consulting with an attorney to see whether your mother breaks any laws. After all, there is the concept of child enganderment and smoking might just qualify.
Have you considered talking to counselors or representatives of an alternative school?
I am glad to hear that you are willing to get involved and stand up for a person. After that situation in northern California, I think we should all rethink our position of when to get involved and when to stay out. All the best to you!
Thanks for being concerned about a child who is in trouble.
Omg.....your mother should be ashamed of herself, but that is wishful thinking cause she isnt!!!!! There is nothing for your mother to see neither is there anything that you can do regarding getting through to her. Tell the authorities that is your best bet. Removing her may save her.
This is truly sad, your mother is destroying your sister because she has destroyed herself. Misery indeed Loves company, and it's sad that this is the company it's focused on keeping!!!!
Vonda G. Nelson
Nothing that you have said justifies a report to the authorities, or an attempt to remove her from the situation. Sadly, your sister is one of thousands, indeed millions of badly behaved teenagers. I know, because I teach a fair few of them. There is one exception. Is your sister having under age sex? If she is, and you can prove it, then you must take some action. If sexually active she risks clamyidia, pregnancy, Aids whatever and she will come to harm.
Try to encourage her to read the following excerpt from one of my hubs.......
"If you are under fifteen years old this topic could just make you giggle. If it brings a smile to your face then possibly you are doing OK. If it brings tears to your eyes then something is wrong.
This is a very important topic, pay close attention.
The most significant thing to remember when you start becoming interested in boys is YOURSELF. If you aren’t happy being yourself you cannot be happy in a relationship with someone else. It is a mistake to want to be with someone to be ‘complete’, or feel better, or just to feel loved. Hey! you must first feel complete by yourself, you must first feel good about yourself, and you must first feel the love for yourself. A young woman’s self-worth, self- esteem, and self-respect are the foundations of her life. Without these three attributes she can prepare for being used and abused. "
Read much more............http://hubpages.com/hub/Hey-Girls-Dont-Be-Stupid-Hub-9
Call your local Child Protective Services and file a report. They'll take care of everything from there.
In the US, many of the situations you are describing are considered child endangerment, and CPS is set up to intervene and take care of such matters, not the police.
i think its not on i mean she is to young plus she might die easily so her mum should really go to jail for lettin her own daughter dress unappropriate and smoke
what 20 year old guy would even date a 13 yr old to begin with even if the mother does let her date? Thats sick... This girl has got a lot of trouble ahead of her, all roads dont look to good for her. Drugs, alcohol and probably early pregnancy so she can pass the same stupid social skills, manners, and discipline down to her kids.
I would confront the mother first... if you haven't already. Then if that doesn't work.....yes, I would report it to child welfare.... but DON'T let yourself feel bad or guilty about it. You're doing this for the 13 year old's own good and her safety down the road.
A 13 year old should not smoke. It is a hard habit to quit. I would encourage anyone not to start.
I'd take the 13 year old smoker to Hospice annd let her volunteer helping a family who has a family member dying of cancer. It is a horrific social plight and an awful death.
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