My name is natasha, I got married to my boyfriend a year back. We were extremely happy till the last month. We both take out time for each other. Do activities together like gymming, swimming etc.
I adore him. I have always wholeheartedly supported my husband in everything that he wants to do, not only mentally or emotionally but financially as well. Majority of his salary goes to pay off a loan that he had to take for his parents, hence most of the financial support is provided by me and I do it happily. I have a job, yet I take out time to cook for him, clean the house etc. Everything was going fabulously, until a few weeks back when my husband started distancing himself from me. It was very subtle, but I could sense it. The husband who could not keep his hands off me, now had started avoiding me. Even if I tried to initiate sex, he would make some excuse and move away. One month back he joined salsa classes in his office, and was extremely excited about it. We used to learn salsa together 2 years back, but I had to leave it for a medical reasons. Now a days I cannot dance and I’m not much of a dancer anymore, but my husband is a great dancer. I noticed that the
changes in him after he joined his salsa classes. Three weeks passed like this. In these three weeks we used to go out, party, gym everything as usual, but when we were alone at home, he would become aloof. He would treat me with kindness and respect but somehow ‘love and passion’ was missing. I decided to confront him. After a lot of cajoling he finally said that his parents are mentally pressurizing him, and asking for more monetary support. This was causing him depression and hence he was behaving in this manner with me. He also said, that because of this he has lost the urge for sex. I’m totally confused and have no one to confide in. Can a reason like this be really responsible for a doting, loving husband to turn cold in just one month? I also doubt that somehow salsa has something to do with it. Now that I cannot dance the way I could once, is it somehow making him feel attracted to someone in the class? I have this nagging doubt. There are a few girls who keep calling him from the salsa class. One girl in particular calls him, and he makes plans about parties with her. It makes me insanely jealous. He started changing after he started going for these salsa classes and socials. I have never doubted my husband, neither have I felt jealous before, because I was very sure of our relationship and our love. Also, I am a very attractive woman, so I never felt insecure about us. But nothing seems to be the same again. I talked to him clearly about my doubts and fears, I requested him to take a break from these classes for a while, till our marriage gets back on track again. I also gave him the reasons for the way I felt about the classes. He agreed with most of it, he agreed that things started going wrong around the same time as he joined salsa. He also admitted that he was not with me when I needed him and when he should have been with me. He clearly said that he is not going around with any one, and I trust him on that. He said that he’ll leave salsa for the time being. But the very next day he started behaving strangely and said that this marriage is curbing his freedom etc etc. And that he needs to think about this marriage. He said that he is not sure if this marriage is his priority or his own life and everything that he likes doing. He told me, that he needs time to think if he wants this marriage or not. I was totally devastated to hear that. I have given my everything to this marriage and to this man. I had been beside him like a rock in everything he did. I supported him wholeheartedly in every walk of his life, and now all of a sudden he says he’s not sure about this marriage? I don’t know how to get him back. I have absolutely no one to turn to for help, that’s why sharing my problem in this forum… Plzz help!!
from what you stated, i seriously think you might either want to confront him in a way that he can't use excuses or dump him.
Dear Mahuaa, I have seen many situations like yours in my life and I want to tell you that there is one thing in common - one of the partners holds too much to the relationship.
Your partner does not see that he hurts you because he has too much time for contemplating about his own life.
Let him do what he wants to do and try to do something that you like. Life is too wonderful to spend it with the man who does not appreciate and value you.
In order for him to be "the one" he would have to see you as being "the one" for him. The idea behind (soul-mates) is both people feel the same way about one another and want the same things for their relationship/marriage.
There is no amount of "communication" or "work" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
You wrote: "he started behaving strangely and said that this marriage is curbing his freedom etc " and " I don’t know how to get him back."
Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you? All marriages will have their challenges but at the very least every marriage should contain two people who (want) to be married. Best of luck!
I don't really have any advice to give but wanted to share my sympathies. Whatever happens for you I hope it works out for the best and that your man gets his head sorted out. Sounds like a frustrating and powerless situation to be in
You do not know the actual reason for his behavior therefore I believe you should get to the bottom of the cause first. You can hire a private investigator or use other sources to find out the problem. Salsa classes are toooooooo hot.
Once you know the truth then you can handle this situation mutually if that doesn't work then the family court. I hope you can find some mutual solution. Good luck
If I were you, I'd stop trying to push things. If this man wants out of this relationship, the best thing you can do is let go. I think it was wise for you to share your concerns with him openly. And it's also true that stress can put a damper on sex life. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt which is more than enough, and you've helped him out in every possible way. Now is his turn to show how much he cares, and if he doesn't, then you have to rethink your priorities. You do not want to be with a man who doesn't appreciate you, no matter how in love you are. I suggest that you give him some time for him to figure out what he wants, give him space and don't torment him with your expectations. See what happens and go from there.
I wish you much luck and patience.
Hi Mahua... I understand what you must be going through in these trying times... You mentioned that you stood by your husband like a rock through thick and thin....this speaks oodles about the kind of woman you are... You are a very strong woman and cannot give in so easily. As a friend, I suggest you go back to doing all those things special things you did for your husband before you got married to him. Try to recall which were those special moments that you spent together and try to repeat those things to make him come back to you again...........Sometimes, recalling beautiful memories help in a great way to reignite the lost passion in our lives...Try doing that........Also, try explaining to him with love and care what how much he means to you.... I am sure he'll come back... All the best.....
Thanks so much for this support!! i cannot express in words how much this means to me. i am an only daughter, and cannot share my problems with my parents. it'll break their heart. i am behaving patiently, loving him as unconditionally as ever, but without imposing on his space or asking him any questions, but sometimes it becomes unbearable. i am not a puppet or a doll, i'm a living, breathing human. i need love too.. I'm totally lost, and losing faith in everything now.. My husband doesn't say anything. i am unable to infer anything from his behavior. i feel like a trial wife, awaiting a verdict..
its all over. today my husband asked for divorce. i'm feel numb and dead. i feel like killing myself...
I think that you should surround yourself with friends and somebody whom you can talk to in person. It is time to love yourself more.
Let him do whatever he wants, it is obvious there is something more than "salsa" or personal problems with his parents etc. I think that you did your best and it is time to calm down and just accept it. It is easier said than done! HUGS!!
Natasha, trust me. Although it might not seem like that right now, he's doing you a favor. You don't want to be with a man who doesn't appreciate you. Let him go, find good friends and family who will offer their support, and give it time. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
~ When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. ~HELEN ROWLAND, A Guide to Men
“50% of all marriages in the America end in divorce.” The California divorce rate is now at a staggering 75 percent. Three out of four marriages in the Golden State end in divorce.
Looking at the divorce rate statistics I am not surprised that your husband asked you for divorce. However, I feel sorry in your situation because you are trying to work out your marriage.
Well, do not worry that is not the end of life. If you do not have children then it's no problem but if there are children then the divorce news is very bad. If that is what he wants then I believe you get over with it instead of living in miserable situation.
~ Divorce is a failed challenge, which leads to a broken life. It is a socially transmittable disease that can transfer from one generation to another, and it is spreading fast. ~SIA F. DEAN, Divorce Is Not an Answer
I wish you good luck whatever both of you decide at the end.
"Be happy. It's one way of being wise." Colette
I hate so much what is happening in your life! I worked as a nanny for a woman who went through this too. I will give you the same advice. Take a week off from work and GO HOME. No matter how hard that is you must go home to your parents.
Mahuaa, your life is not over. You have a journey ahead of you, but it's not over. Prehaps your life is just beginning. You were worried about his changes, and how to fix it. He didn't want it fix. A person, who wants thing to be fix will work at it, not ask for a divorce. You did what any person would do when being in love, you help take care of the person the best you can.
Maybe the distant between you two will work in your favor. He will probably see what you mean to him. Sometimes the person the closet to us, feel the heat about everything that is going on in our lives. You were the person closet to him. He lost his train of thought somewehre forgetting you have been his rock.
You are going to have to take control of yourself, you weren't brought in this world, to take yourself out because of relationship that went bad. It didn't go bad on your end, it went bad on his. We cannot control someone's feeling towards us. Although we would like to, we simply can't.
You are going to need your family and friends around you to support you. To help you get through this. You don't need a lot of advice right now, you need a lot of love and support. Your family loves you unconditionally, and when you hurt so do they. It's best to be with them, so you can see just how special you are. That you are validated by your husband or any other person for that matter. You validate yourself, knowing you did the best you could, and you gave it all you have.
I wish you peace and blessings.
Sorry. Aint gonna happen. He'll screw around, then want you to take him back when he realizes the young hot chicks arent going to support his sorry ass.
Dont fall for it.
Thnx so so much for all the love and support!! coming back here and venting out all my feelings and sorrows makes me feel so good. It's like, i have found a family in you all. today, with a lot of love, faith and hope in heart, i spoke to my husband again regarding his decision to ask for a divorce. He told me a few reasons, including drifing apart from his parents etc. He also said that he has lost physical interest in me, that he is not attracted to me the way he used to be.I'm a healthy and attracetive woman. About six months back i contracted a gynecological problem, for which it was difficult for me to have sex. i told him about it, we went to a gynecologist , afer medication and treatment i am perfectly fine now. During the last six months also, we didnt stop having sex, but it was not regular. somehow that pushed him away from me. i told him, that it was a medical problem and that is over. he understands that, but is incapable of feeling attracted to me any more. after talking to him for a long time, he told me that he has tried to save this marriage for the last few months, but did not tell me anything. I said, that's presicely the problem. instead of trying on your own, you should have shared it with me. We could have tried together. after patiently talking to him for a long time he agreed to give our marriage one honest try. i have decided i'll fly down to his parents town and try to bridge the fap b/w him and his parents. i want to do everthing in my power and capacity to save my marriage and make my husbnd fall in love with me again. i want bring that spark back in our lives. As always need your advice, suggestions and prayers.. much love natasha
Glad to hear you and he are going to give things a good honest try, not much more you can ask for really
I would suggest that if he changes his mind and decides to leave that he might just suffer from a case of not knowing what he has until its gone. It sounds like you do everything you can to be good to him, more then most men can find if I am honest. I hope he is able to see that before he does something that could potentially lose him a good woman forever. Stay strong sista!
One week has passed, though things are a little better now. Atleast we talk to each other, but he is still adamant about divorce. Today he has started looking for a house to shift by mid July. I'm devastated and want desperately to save my marriage. I just hv 15 days to try and win my husband back. Plz help save my marriage.
Natasha, you wrote, "I had been beside him like a rock in everything he did. I supported him wholeheartedly in every walk of his life...". You have also said you have had some medical issues for which it sounds like he is NOT standing by you like a rock. He seems like a very selfish man and one who does not appreciate what he has, nor deserves what he has. (But I know, you're in love and that's clouding your judgment.)
Also, even though you are secure in your attractiveness as a woman, there must be some other issues going on for you to be so intent on keeping a man who clearly wants to leave you. Having girls call from the salsa class and one in particular who wants to go to parties with him is completely disrespectful and blatantly so! (By the way, it sounds as if he's having an affair, but again your judgment is clouded because you're in love.)
Your husband sounds like a very shallow man. The best thing you can do for yourself now is to agree with him and file for divorce first. Tell him you ALSO want the divorce and say it with confidence! Then go away for a long weekend, or even a full blown holiday, without him...and enjoy yourself. If nothing else, he will find that sexy and want to keep you...but you should still dump him and find yourself someone who is truly worthy of you.
Think of all the money you will save! All that money you can spend now on YOURSELF or someone else who deserve it. He is not only selfish and inconsiderate, he's stupid.
Good luck, Natasha. There is a better life for you on the horizon. You are only prolonging the inevitable by staying with this man. He won't change. He will only short-change you, and take the best years of your life...we don't stay young and beautiful forever, you know! Trust me, I know. Been there, done that. He won't change. He's just wasting your time, money and beauty.
Love is never a waste but it is causing you pain by expending it on someone who does not feel the same. Turn that love inward toward yourself and you will attract the right kind of man in the future. One who deserves you and who will stay with you through thick and thin, as you would do for him.
I really feel for you as I'm going through something familiar myself. I do however think you need to walk away and let him go. a relationship can only work if you both want it to. it doesn't sound like he wants to be with you as much as you do with him. I know that sounds blunt but you need to respect yourself, show some pride and walk away from him. he'll respect you and more importantly , you'll respect yourself for it in the future.
Your guy I think has some kind of financial dependence on you. I wonder is the reason he is not entirely gone partly due to money reasons? Sorry for saying it, but if I were you, I'd be careful. Some guys who are about to clear out sometimes clear you out along with it, financially. I hope I am very wrong.
I wonder is he seeing the medical thing as a sort of issue that is some excuse. It's rather immature of him to use that as an excuse. He needs to think with his heart. He needs things that remind him of why he fell in love with you and found you the best and most important women to spend his life with. He needs to get back on that track. Unless he has already made up his mind ...
Bringing him back to you takes strength and a lot of effort. Is he worth it?
I notice that you are the one going through the pain, and not him! If he is absorbed in another woman, and the seperate home thing is his way to aim for the plan to not have you interfere in his romantic life... let her have him. Persuading him to come back will only cause you heartache all the more.
Why would you think he would ever come back to you if his mind is already made up? Why did he take so long before admitting his feelings for the other person? He can clearly keep things from you...
If you were not married to him, and just a girlfriend, what would you do? Dump him as any sensible woman would! So is it the marriage you are trying to save? is it the shame you are trying to bravely stave off?
I think some bold thinking and planning is needed on your part. You have to look at other options than the one of winning him back...
Thanks so much!! these kind words mean a lot to me..
I'm going away tomorrow for the weekend to give him space. Wanted to leave him a letter explaining how wrong a step like divorce is, when there is no real reason for doing it. I've tried tlking to him but he doesnt want to talk to me. Maybe he'll read this letter.. Dont know if this is a correct step. Kindly advise.
This is about right
Ensure that your money and access to it are safe, remove all the bank books, cards and any else to do with your income etc to somewhere else that he can't get at them. And stop paying him anything as soon as you have changed the locks on your doors.
well i passed through the same phase once.
it was a very dark phase for me and my girlfriend.
natasha u mentioned that a girl from the salsa class keeps calling him.
i believe, He might be attracted towards the girl, at the similar time he is
kind towards you because he must be feeling responsible for your sadness.
That means he still loves you but is kinda confused about what is going on
due to sudden change in lifestyle. Its only you who can make him realize that
you still care and love him and cant let him go.
And about the financial part, husband and wife are said to be one soul,
They can depend on each other that a sign of trust.
I hope evrything works for you
You are actually his "safety net" - as if anything happens and he breaks off with what affair he might be having behind your back, he can count on you as the woman to come home to. That is not good for you.
Don't think money does not have anything to do with it, it does. please be careful. Don't fund his lifestyle for what he is doing now. Sort out your finances... protect yourself. I am sorry if this sounds bad, but you have to look after yourself.
You must hope for the best, but also plan b - brace yourself for the worst.
Yes write him a letter, keep it positive and hopeful... make him feel you want him... you are competing against some other woman... don't pretend to think you are not. Chances are she is not loyal.... or loving and it might be just a physical thing. Men get lost sometimes... bless them!
Is he a good match for you? Is he mature enough? Does he care about you enough? Does he put you first? A mature and a decent lover does that. A real man does that. A real husband shares and will even carry the burdens you have.
He says he cannot talk about some things? Why? What are his excuses....?
I feel so much for your situation, Natasha. You need family and sisters and brothers and friends around you now. Be strong. Let him see that. What do his family think?
Ask yourself a question. What if he either does not want to read the letter, or just won't? And what if he has made his mind up to leave you for good?
Have you thought about this? What is your plan? Is he a man who will say no to everything? If you exhaust all options and they don't work, then what? Are you prepared for that?
I know you love him, but are you loving him for the right reasons? Are you ignoring more important issues concerning him? How reliable and trustworthy is he? And relating to trust is his position as a contributor to the family. What of his income? What bills are you paying now? How are you managing for yourself? Is he in any way reliant on you, financially? Your life and circumstances have now all changed because of him.
What about his family, and what did they say to all of this? Do they approve? Dissapprove?
I hope he reads your letter. I fear you are giving him one more delay tactics to use against you. I wish I could be wrong. Where are his feelings for you in all this?
It is unfortunate when we have to question our relationships. We all want love, to be in love and to surround ourselves tightly in a blanket of love.
You didn't say how old you and your husband are, but his current actions could be because of age, immaturity, and just not wanting to be " attached" at this time. I don' t think it is a good idea for him to take up salsa lessons without you. It a very exotic form of dance that should be shared as a couple and could be the very thing that is tempting him away from your marriage. You are unable to take the class with him because of your "temporary" challenges can be used as an excuse used by him. He is out there having a good time and may be inappropiately entertaining and indulging with his salsa dance partner. For her to call the house is rude in the first place
Our society today gives up too fast on a marriage and getting a divorce is way too easy. No one wants to put in the extra work. With all of the temptations thrown at us , and there are many, adds extra pressure to any marriage and we have to be stay strong. Marriage takes a lot of work and you have to be willing to deal with the good, the bad and the ugly.
First and foremost you have to love YOU first. Make yourself the most important thing remembering what you enjoyed most before you got married. Time apart could be a blessing in disguise, though it will be hard. It is the only way for him to realize and appreciate what he has with you. You have to let go of the fear and be strong in knowing who you are and your worth. Stand strong and believe that everything will work out in your favor. Don't forget who you are. (((hugs & blessing)))
It sounds to me like this man latched on to you to be his meal ticket. In order for that to work for him, of course he's going to wine you and dine you and tell you that you are the most amazing woman in the whole world, and that he will love you and no other for the rest of his days. Once he gets himself firmly entrenched and has you convinced that he is your knight in shining armor, he's got it made.
What you describe, to me, is a man who has feet of clay, a coward, a liar and possibly a cheat. What self-respecting man would let a woman pay his way? I wonder if the story about his parents is even true. Is that something you can ask them?
Please ask yourself why you are willing to support a man. While a marriage is a partnership, these things should have been discussed and worked out prior to marriage. It is easy to feel sorry for someone however. Love has a way of blinding us and making us use less than good judgement.
Whatever happens, hold your head high and move forward. Be thankful for the good times but do NOT regret the demise of the relationship. It sounds to me like you've done all you could to make it work. Do NOT sit around waiting for some man to decide what you are going to do with your life.
I am sorry about what is going on in your life. I don't know you personally but I can tell that you are a very strong woman and I am sure you will look back on this as a what the hell was I thinking moment. No man is worth all that you are putting into this marriage to make it work. Especially when he says that he wants to make it work but yet is looking for houses. Be strong and God bless.
Thanx so much for being there during the most difficult phase of my life. I write this post in my bed,down with fever while my husband is watching TV in d drawing room. Yes,he has still not moved out. Though, he has rented another place and has paid advance for three months. He was supposed to move out in the first week of July, has packed some of his stuff and shifted them to his new home. Everyday he tells me he'll move out in a couple of days, but so far he has not gone. He hasn't changed and still wants a separation, but somehow he hasn't left our home yet. I don't know if it's a good sign or bad. In the meanwhile I've been the same good, loving and dutiful wife to him. But that clearly hasn't moved him and finally today he again said that he'll move out on 1st. I'm so tired now and have left everything on time. One thing I'm sure of, even after doing so much for him if he stil leaves me and goes away then I'll also close my heart and door for him forever. He has insulted my love, devotion and womanhood. I have tried everything in the last one month from psychologist to tarot card reader to visiting innumerable churches. Nothing seems to change my husbands heart. There is nothing more that I can do to save my marriage. The only thing that I have not done is grovel in front of him, and that I'll not do even if I die without him.
Some things are simply beyond our control, but at least you know you did your best. If you ever feel like writing in order to ease the pain, you are always welcome to join Hubpages. I wish you much success on your new life.
He seems confused and keeping you in limbo for some reason. Like I mentioned in my 1st reply, focus on you, rebuild your strength, confidence and love for yourself. If you can, watch the documentary The Secret. They have the book, but watching the documentary is very good. It is very uplifting and can help guide you in visualizing a happy, positive and more confident Natasha. Unfortunately, you maybe attracting the very thing you fear and also unfortunately, he does not sound like he is worth all the trouble. YOU are the only one who in charge of your happiness :-)
Your name is Russian meaning born on Christmas...remember you are a gift!!!!!
Your husband is a secretive person. Why would he spend money from whatever money presumably he has of his own - on renting a place he does not occupy? Are you sure he didn't do something else with the money and just pretend to rent a place? Perhaps I am wrong.
But perhaps the relationship he had with the other female has possibly cooled off somewhat? What if he suddenly has realized that you are the woman he should be with and stick with after all? And why doesn't he talk to you more... open up to you... trust you with things...
So if he is pretending he is leaving but not actually leaving, is he perhaps trying to live rent free under your roof? I cannot help but think he is stringing you along...
Sorry if I am being paranoid. Women think the best of their guy until the guy breaks the trust between the two people in the relationship. He has clearly done this. I admire you for not wanting to give up on him. You have given him chances to explain himself, and clearly things are still up in the air...
If only there was some way to make him talk to you and open up about what is troubling him... he needs to know he is causing you so much pain...
I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. The first thing you need to do is heal. You cannot try to go back in life, but moving forward is your only option now. This of yourself now! Try to be around friends and family who support you. It's sad when this sort of thing happens. I've had this happen to me before and it hits you like a ton of bricks. You feel like it's your fault...but don't! In time you will see that it wasn't you... it was him! He did wrong, not you! I would move on with my life. It's easy to say that-but eventually you will realize he isn't the one for you. A man who does this isn't the man you really want or need. I wish you all the luck in the world.
my husband finally left our home yesterday. it was early morning, i was still sleeping. He left or home and me without even saying a goodbye. He did not even have the courage to face me while leaving. later in the morning, i received a text saying ' i have left' and that 'i'm going to meet my parents by the end of this month, hopefully i'll have answers to our problems'. So all this drama of not finding me physically attractive etc etc was simply because his parents did not like me much. i felt bereft and betrayed, but did not cry. I feel sad and pity for him, that he doesn't even have the backbone to stand up to his parents.yes, i'm heart-broken and completely shattered, but i'll pull myself together and i'll live again. i loved my husband more than my life, but he did not deserve that. it's time i saw the truth and tried to move on..
As always thanks for being there!!
Wow...what a a$$hole! Congrats on finally being free from his games. He will certainly be alone for the rest of his life acting that way. I hope him leaving has in some small way lifted a weight off your shoulders and you can begin to getting back to who you once were.
I am sorry for what you are going through i know you will get through this. If he had no decency to face you when leaving then he isn't a real man. He will regret leaving you. He will never get the same feelings he had with you especially with karma around. The best thing is to take time to let out all your emotions and then start doing all the things you loved doing before you got married and that you gave up. Start hobbies and staying focused on making you happy. Wish you the best of luck in your new life.. things will get better for you in time.
Another WOW!!!! I also agree with aallard...what an a$$hole!!! He didn't even had the courage to say goodbye and then cowardly "text" you that he is gone. Whatever problems, insecurities or weaknesses he has have nothing to do with you. Once you were married, he was to grow up, be a man and leave his parents home. I don't want to speculate their role in your break-up, but he was not strong or secure enough to know who he is. He hopes to have answers for "your"problems when he meets with his parents at the end of this month? What? Whatever!!! Whatever answers he finds he should just keep them right there and let you go on and rebuild what was broken.
Now that he is gone, open your windows in your home to remove his negative energy, wipe things down to remove his residue. Take a nice cleansing bath to rejuvenate, order take out, cuddle up with some good pillows and a good movie.
I am really sorry and saddened that it happened this way. Though it is hard to see it now, but everything happens for a reason and they say that there are lessons to be learned. You said that you loved him more than yourself and as a woman we should not lose ourselves to a man or another person other than ourselves. He could not handle all of your love, he doesn't seem like he even love himself.
Look yourself in the mirror and say "I love you Natasha. You are a strong woman and this too shall pass. I AM going to get through this.". Give yourself a kiss and a great big, strong HUG!!!
Good thing you guys don't have kids yet, break up while it is still early, you guys ain't right for each other. I always say, before you get married, you should have at least dated for three years and have live together for at least two years. If you guys can be together for that long, without breaking up, only then can you consider getting married. and even then, sometime bad things still happens
HI NATASHA.... shela here.. i am pretty psychic...
i think after reading your writing i can actually feel what what you are going through.
i feel you are a very innocent person at heart.
in your relationship you are the one who loves more and your husband does not love you as much as you love him. i am only being honest. not trying to hurt you. i am going to write here everything that i am feeling from the vibes i am getting from you and your situation.
i am seeing someone else in his life right now.. he is behaving this. he does love you. and he is making a big mistake. which he will soon realize. he will regret hurting you.
you can try and investigate. but quietly. keep your calm. whatever happens, happens for the best.
i feel someone tall and who likes blue, wearing blue.
everything will come before you. be patient. you are honest. God will be on your side.
and i see a baby around you. soon : )
do keep in touch. here with all of us.
WE'RE ALL WITH YOU. DON'T WORRY.
just stay calm. pray and look after yourself.
My life has taken another turn. My husband came back a few days back. In the meanwhile i had not kept any contact with him. He tried to contact me a few times, but i did not take his calls or meet him. A few days back, it was a Tuesday, he came back home. He said he behaved stupidly and said he felt very lonely and that he wants to come back home. At that moment i became very weak. i love him so much, he's my husband. i allowed him to come back home. That very day he shifted back, and brought all his belongings in the next few days. About 15 days have passed, my husband behaves nicely and gently with me, but not for once has he said that he loves me. He is still hell-bent on going to those salsa parties. I also saw his call records, and found that he called one his ex-girlfriends. my heart broke , and i clearly asked him about it. He said, he called her only to say that he does not want to keep in touch with her any more. I donot know if he is telling the truth. Later i saw that he has deleted those girls name from his phone and facebook friend list. He has not apologized for his behavior neither has he said even once that he loves me. I'm in a huge dilemma. Did i do a mistake by allowing him back in my life? I'm unable to understand why he came back. Should i give it some more time? How much time will be enough? How should i behave, should i be the loving , caring wife that i always was, or should i distant myself from him for a few days? i do not want to go through those painful experiences again in my life, that'll totally shatter me. What should i do, so that my marriage becomes wonderful again..
Hi Natasha. It seems like he has alot of issues and does not know where to go in life. I wish that I can give you the answer but you need to ask yourself if you deserve to be treated that way. Or if you want to spend the rest of your life loving someone who does not love you enough to respect you. Good Luck hun.
I have been following your story, and I think so far you have done all the right things. I'm no expert, but I really think you should find a marriage counselor. You are going through things that will not be solved by "talking it out". There is a much deeper issue here, more than likely something within your husband. If he is not willing to see a counselor, he will only break your heart again. One thing you can ask him- "do you love me?" if he hesitates, don't panic. This would be a great time to mention seeking a counselor, and explaining that you want to get your marriage back to what it used to be.
I don't think you should display your unconditional love to him. It's time you play smart this time. Do not over-do anything. He's come back cuz he missed you while you did not keep touch with him. He would miss you more if you just stay away, not physically, but emotionally.
Let him know your worth. No need to play the good role atleast in front of him. Stay good at heart, not on his face.
Why oh why did you accept him back? I´m so sorry for you. He just use you. He noticed how an idiot he actually is leaving you with all the benefits that he can get from you besides your love which he does not want. By renting the house for himself was maybe a waste of money from his side when he can stay with you and still be doing what he likes to do. He does not deserve you. He does not respect you. You´ll always be unhappy with him.
Please wake up!!! You are leading an unhappy married life. Is he worth the wrinkles you´ll be having in the future with this coward and a liar man? There´s somebody waiting for you out there who deserves you. Please LOVE YOURSELF!!!
Good luck to all your decision which you think is right.
shela here . my message was the last after which you have posted the good news that he is back : )
I told you he will soon realise his mistake. and he has, trust me.
Remember he is a Man. They have BIg Egos. They Never say sorry even if they know they have made a mistake.
His nice nice behavior towards you is sign he is regretting having left you and wants you to love him back.
Just hold yourself together. Do not show him that you are a weak person, crying behind a man that you would die without him. NO !
Be good, be caring and take things slowly. Tell him how you felt as he had left. But in a way that he can see you are strong at heart now.
Before you go to bed ask yourself what you want. Do you want him now, or do you feel you have had your share of pain with this man.
Again I do not know you. But i can feel he is sad inside. You can love him to keep him.
He will stay.
He had to come back. And he is here now. This is what you had been waiting for. Forget the negative part of your life that cut through your happy times so that the positive can start working.
I have read this whole thread, and feel terrible that this guy is putting you through all this. But if you have only been married for one year, one where you are paying more of the financial things, and apparently giving him emotional support, even though he's hurting you so much, I have to agree with those who are telling you to let him go. You are young and kind, and attractive. Once somebody hurts you once, he will do it again. He seems to be using you for a "fallback" when his salsa friends aren't around or he can't use his parents as an excuse. Marriage is hard, and it gets harder. You can get pregnant and have children who depend on you, so there isn't time for each other. You both will get sick. People you love will die. You will have to nurse sick parents. The list goes on. There are all kinds of "tests" that you just do not experience after one year of marriage, and he's acting too immature to be married. I realize it's hard to leave when you love someone, but you deserve better. It sounds like he married without enough thought. You can find someone who appreciates you for the great person you seem to be. If he is willing to go to a counselor, that's the only way I would say stay with him. I hope it all works out.
What i can advice to you..set him free,then if u know he already reached the edge of not respecting you... then you know what you will do..be beautiful and sexy and you will see the result at the end its his lost not yours...
Your guy sees you as being the woman that he clearly cannot improve on. If he could, he would not have come back. But do you forgive him? You should at least try to keep your marriage, if you want to. But are you having second thoughts?
You seen how he can hurt you. You have seen how he tried to put others first instead of you. What have you always wanted from him? To be faithful and loving. And to put you first. it's what every woman wants from her guy or partner. And if not, then there would have to be a very good reason...
Though in life there can be true exceptions, these are rare. If he has come back - make sure he HAS COME BACK. Just be sure he has does this out of remorse, out of consideration for your relationship - and not given up on cheating on you for now - just so he can try some other crap later on.
He might be genuinely sorry but some guys can't say sorry the right way. That's part of how some guys are. Not all of them, just some of them. (I said it before, there are good guys out there.) Guys can be afraid that women will never let up on blaming them on stuff and nit-picking at them for the rest of their married life. Is a guy worth taking back or not, just because he is lousy at saying sorry to you? Now that would be a mistake if something you did were to drive him away from you.
If you want him back, then you have to forgive and give him a chance to prove himself. It's partial forgiveness at least. Some might think that despite what he did, that he doesn't deserve that second chance at making the relationship work.
How about you try it for a few months and see how it works for the mean time? See how you both get along. Don't corner him and just berate him all the time, cos that doesn't work, believe me. Is he remorseful? Is he regretting what he did, what he said? Does he deserve another chance. Is he still that guy you fell in love with all that time ago and chose him to be your man? If so, then you owe it to both of you to at least let him prove that he has mended his ways and stopped messing with other women.
If you ever find evidence that he repeats it in the future, then by all means judge him for what he is. But many relationships have been saved because someone in a relationship decided to be the more mature of the two. That ought to be you. Guys come back home to their woman either because they are regretting their actions or they are remorseful, or because they are "defeated" by their own logic and have no one else to turn to. Or because no one else will have them. Any woman who is delighted by the attention of some hunky guy will soon tire of him if he is just a hanger-on, just along for the ride and not putting anything substantial into the relationship. Like money for example.
In the end the choice is yours. Mahuaa. But you do have choices. Don't feel bad. It could be that this might not be the good thing we hope it to be. But if there is a chance it could be, you should explore those possibilities, rather than regret not having ever tried to mend things and get him to mend things also. He has to keep his word. He had to keep his promises. He has to grow up.
If it turns out he has not changed at all and merely deceived you with this latest behavior, then you know that it will mean parting company with him permanently. You should accept that possibility. But part of you should also work to encourage him back into your life too, though cautiously. A little bit at a time. Don't welcome him back with no conditions attached. He is "out of jail", perhaps, but only out on bail on condition of good husband behavior. And if he cannot put you first, then it won't work. Some guys put their career or some other thing before their spouse or partner. That is selfishness. Or insecurity. Or dedication to a greater love.
Meanwhile - surround yourself with friends and confidants and mentors you can trust. Tell your close friends what you will do, get more advice. But feel free to ignore advice (even this advice!) if you are not feeling okay with it for any reason.
The suspicion with me is that perhaps he sees you as a source of financial revenue as well as a convenient partner who is eager to have him back and very compliant. Make you finances safe. Be wary but be optimistic. The road to re-integration with your man will be not an easy one. It will take time and effort. You originally said you wanted your husband back. He has caused you tears and a broken heart. Keep you heart safe, Mahuaa. Best wishes to you, I really mean that. Let your faith be stronger than your fears.
I was in a similar situation...putting a relationship on my back and then dealing with questionable actions of my partner. I will say what has been echoed many times and what I have come, first hand to see, what's done in the dark always comes to light. If your partner has interest in someone else, it will come out. Any lies that have been told, they will come out as well. In the meantime, you do not need to accuse but always keep your eyes open. My situation has taught me to trust my gut more than a man even on their best day.
In addition, find things that interest you. All too often we lose ourselves in our relationships while the men do whatever they want. When the relationship goes downhill or fails, we are lost because that was all we had. Make sure your focus is on things that put a smile on your face because they will always make sure they are fine, but we are the ones who suffer.
Things you can try to help repair the relationship could be marriage counseling, but only if your partner is honest. If you attend counseling and lies are brought forth, that is what the counselor will be repairing...a bunch of lies. Both parties must be open and honest for counseling to work. Marriage counseling take a level of maturity that sometimes one party may not have. You can also try taking a vacation together or even staying in a nearby hotel for the weekend and "staying in" those days. The importance is on reconnecting and sometimes a different atmosphere can spark much needed conversations about the issues at hand.
This is spam.
Hence the email provided for new customers to use.
HP shouldn't even allow stuff like this. This isn't a personal diary, people are supposed to be writing about informational or interesting topics that will entertain people. I also believe it's the same person, I recall the same issues on a thread I read about a year ago, as I said.
It's a standard spam strategy now to use two accounts. one to raise and issue and the other to give the spam reply.
Aw, I missed the spam.
I keep reporting the spam in this thread but maybe the PTB don't get that spam can be via email or phone, not just web url. This whole thread needs to be deleted.
Plus she's been with the jerk for at least another year! I remember this thread, because it was so ridiculous that anyone would try to work out something from this immature relationship. I can't even really call it a marriage, though they are legally married. They should both salsa away from each other.
No, I think she's for real... her story sounds really... totally real.
Even though a simple search will show that it is indeed spam and not a true story. It "sounds" real, but it isn't.
Usual spam bait and switch.
One account posts a real sounding sob story, then another recommends some love voodoo charlatan that charges by the minute or sells love spells.
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