Hi I have been married for almost 20 years have 4 children and I have been a bus

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   tia41posted 15 years ago

   Hi I have been married for almost 20 years have 4 children and I have been a busy mom. I don't...
   
   really have a social life how can I so many kids.  I went through my husbands phone yesterday only to discover that he has been sending text messages to someone asking questions like where she is what she is doing sending smiling faces exclamation and all that.  What got my attention though was one particular text that read if you don't want to see me it's all good and can we be friends.  Also he send a text on Valentines day with valentines wishes and the day after same text.  Now I felt so hurt and upset and I don't know if I am making a big deal about it but when I question him he said it w

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   Retsuzenposted 15 years ago

   umm whats your question? There is no question here..

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   tia41posted 15 years ago

   My question is if someone is talking to someone else in this case my husband and he is telling this woman if you don't want to see me it's all good but can we be friends?  And if he texts her and asking her where she is and what she is doing and what's on her mind what do you call that?

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   dreagon5posted 15 years ago

   text flirting... lol serious some people require attention and sometimes they feel good about them selves when they think someone may be interested in them and they have no attention to do anything other than joke and have fun, if it was the other person saying something about meeting, I would disreguard it as spiritual play. However, with him initiating the question about meeting that is questionable, the valentine thing is cute and a friendly gesture and all-in-fun no matter who it is sent too. I suppose it depends all on the situation and I wouldn't hound the issue at the moment just be cautious and let him know how you felt about the text and see if he doesn't repect your feelings or how he reacts.

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   Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

   His response to your asking him about it got cut off here.  I don't think you're wrong to have "alarm bells" sounding, but I'm not sure you should jump to conclusions right now either.  I'd think someone old enough to be married for 20 years would be too mature for "text flirting", but I suppose some people "join in" with what younger people do.
   
   On a separate thing, it's kind of too bad he knows you were going through his phone; because that could potentially make you seem to "nosing around" in his personal business - never something people like.  Then again, if he leaves the phone around and makes no effort to keep it to himself, maybe he doesn't feel he has anything to hide.
   
   Maybe it depends on whether he's always been an "overall flirt", and you just haven't seen him because he behaves when you're around; or whether he's generally a "non-flirt" kind of guy (they do exist) and is doing something way out of his usual character?
   
   I don't think you're wrong not to be "too thrilled" about it, though.  Sometimes when someone knows s/he is guilty of something s/he tries to make the other person feel wrong.  You're not wrong.  Smily faces and "hi" are one thing.  "Can we be friends"  and Valentine messages are another.  I don't know what I'd do in that situation - just wait and see what unfolds (maybe through calm, reasonable, conversation).

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   LeeWallsposted 14 years ago

   If you're married to this man what should've made you do an about face was his texts to another woman, not one thing in particular.
   
   You're NOT making a big deal, you need to put things in there place and have self-respect.

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