So, it has been a year since I found out that my ex and good friend had feelings for each other...
and started to date against my wishes. That relationship ended after 1 month. She admitted she was wrong and blames her behavior on the 40 mg of prednisone that she was taking--whatever! I am not friends with either one of them because of the betrayal and lack of respect for my feelings. The problem I am still having is I am still associated with her because of our circle of friends. She knows she did wrong and is sorry, but I am still so angry that it hurts to even look at her. How can I get over my anger? I avoid her as much as possible, but with a close group of girlfriends it is hard
Your right Dan, you do not know me and I do not own anyone. However, I think most people in general would agree that friends do not date your ex, especially when she knew how much I felt about him and how soon the breakup was. So, I do not think I am being too selfish, since the relationship only lasted 1 month. I htink you would feel different if this happened to you, obv. it has not.
I feel your pain. The number one rule that my group of friends follow is once one of us first mention their interest in a girl, she is off limits to everyone else, and if they break up, it sounds bad, but she is as good as dead to all of us. The pain you feel is the reason why we have that rule.
Oddly enough, I believe that the only way to get beyond the hurt is for you to forgive her. You are forgiving her because her actions shows that she is not perfect. None of us are perfect. If she was perfect, and she did what she did, I would say that she does not deserve forgiveness, but because she is not perfect and makes mistakes like all humans do, I say forgive her. You should also forgive her because you deserve to feel better than the why you feel now: you deserve to move beyond this point. You deserve to enjoy the times that you spend with your friends. You deserve to let go of your ex.. You deserve to find someone better than your ex.. You deserve to be happy.
Now, forgiveness and forgetting are two different things. Like wise, forgiveness and trust are two different things. At this point, you cannot forget what she did, nor can you trust her. You are right in both instance. If you feel that not being around her is the best thing for you to do, you have the right to that decision, and you have good reasons too. But, realize that you are also going to be putting a strain, and constraints on your other friends.
This can only work if you forgive her: I would suggest that you coexist with her around your friends, but put a line up which basically says that I do not trust you enough to let you be apart of my life, but because we have the same friends I have to get use to being around you, but out side of that we do not have a relationship. If you can't do that, someone has to be removed from the group.
Well, I hope that I helped a little. Good luck!
I think you are handling it good. I definitely understand your anger. That kind of behavior from anyone you consider close is inexcusable. But I would recommend you getting over it. Just write her off and know that as long as you guys have the same circle of friends she will be unhappy as well as uncomfortable when around you. Especially if you really get over what she has done and deal with her as if nothing happened.
@ Daniel J. Neumann wtf are you talking about are you saying that it is okay to disrespect people and have no regard for their feelings, you sound TwISTed!!!! Your response says exactly who you are as well as how much respect you have for yourself and your "friends"
I think you're handling the situation well too, considering what your 'good friend' did with your ex. You have every right to feel angry, and betrayed and it might help to express your feelings to the other women within your circle of friends. Other than this, you're right to avoid her as much as possible - she really doesn't deserve your friendship, she betrayed you, disregarded your feelings for the sake of a fling with someone you once loved.
Try to give space when you are with a close group of friends. Just pretend that you don't know her and start showing it practically. The more you would think about what wrong she has done to you, the more pain will be there in your heart and you will be harming yourself. Such kind of people never admit their fault and if you would express your anger for her, she would feel good to have irritated you. Just relaxed and
erase the past linked with her from your mind..
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