should i wait for him to change his mind about kids and marriage or should i leave? i'm so...
torn... i've been with my bf for 3 years, living together for 1.5. We have a great rel...loving, trusting... we are each other's love of our lives...we once wanted the same things...but after i broke his trust (i went out and came home drunk at 6am while i said i'd be at work- note: i didnt cheat, but he thinks i did), he's now scared... and now i'm not sure i can get him back...he's 46, me 33.he's been married before and has a daughter so he says he doesn't want to do it again even though a year before, he did! please help i wrote in more detail as a comment to this page... thanks!
When you break the trust of some one, especially someone who's been hurt before (married, daughter), It may be impossible to gain all that trust back. Speaking from a personal level after I went through the nightmare of a divorce involving children I went out and got fixed, so i would never have to go through it again. You may be struggling against a real uphill battle. This may sound cold but if you can't live with him and be happy without a child and marriage, then leave because your only going to end up resenting him for it latter.
Thanks for the advice "Life is About." I understand that trust is a HUGE factor in ANY relationship...but i didn't cheat. All i did is lie about the one night i went out. He doesn't like my friend i went out with so i was scared of him getting mad at me. In any case, the past 8 mths i've done nothing but to prove how great of a person i am, trustworthy...and that really what happened was truly a mistake. If he really loves me as much as he says he does, why can't he forgive and move on? If i'm the love of his life, why can't he get over this??? I just don't understand.
it depends on how much you want marriage and children vs a relationship with him. If you think that kids and marriage are really improtant to you and if he is totally against it now, then its a pretty clear answer. you will only end up frustrated if he wont give you something that you really want out of the relationship. good luck.
I don't know why you'd want to get legally married. It's an invitation to all kinds of legal and financial problems. That said, people who don't want to have children don't want them for a variety of reasons. Childhood is not always a happy thing. It's not necessarily because people are "selfish" that they don't want children - they just understand what can happen. This is especially true for someone who has already traveled that path once! Good luck!
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