Am I being selfish or what? So me and my girlfriend have been together for a ye

1. 76

   Syrusv37posted 13 years ago

   Am I being selfish or what?
   
   So me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and seven...
   
   So me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and seven months. Its been entirely long distance from the beginning, since we met online and now we talk everyday, but only on phone and webcam. Meaning I've never met her face to face. She's the artsy kind and she has been offered a gig to do modeling with VERY little clothing. Basically a thin blanket barely covering the "areas" I'm happy for her, but at the same time uncomfortable. I've never met the guy who's going to be painting her and she's fifteen hundred miles away. I don't want to be upset, just happy for her. Am I being selfish?

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2. 60

   easyfreerecipesposted 13 years ago

   the problem i see is that you are uncomfortable with it. the fact is that if you dont want her to do it, and it makes you uncomfortable, then she shouldn't. however, you should ask yourself why it bothers you and if those feelings/fears are well-founded.  if you could rationalize to yourself that it is ok, nothing bad will happen, and it is just a bit of jealousy on your part (which is completely normal), then there would not be the question of whether it is selfish or not.  Hope this helps!

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3. 60

   ladyt11posted 13 years ago

   In my opinion having a relationship online only is different to me. Being face to face allows you to read a person and see reactions that are not possible on line as well as so many other things. I think if you feel uncomfortable with this you should probably think about whether or not this is the relationship that you want to pursue, chances are she may do this type of work often. Let her know how you feel, keeping it inside is not good because one day you will be at the breaking point and address her while you are very upset which is not good. If you are ok with it, it should not pop up in conversations frequently. I don't think you are being selfish just concerned about whether or not this will affect your relationship. Hope this helps!

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4. 59

   Bel Marshallposted 13 years ago

   Are you paying her bills?  Do you live together?  Doesn't sound that way.   I am sorry but a seven year online relationship that hasn't progressed has bigger issues than her choice in careers.
   If it's that important to you to meet the guy who is painting her, then I suggest you do some thinking and either do something to bring the two of you together in a physical sense or face the fact that it's likely time to move on to a real life relationship.

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5. 60

   C.V.Rajanposted 13 years ago

   What you feel is an outcome of possessiveness. Any relationship like this is bound to develop such possessiveness and I feel it is natural. Whether your G/F is going to heed to you, if you voice your objection, is a different question.

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6. 74

   stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

   Basically your online girlfriend has a semi-nude modelling offer.  You don't have to be comfortable about that. Do you know for certain she hasn't done it before and it isn't NUDE modelling? Many artists often request nude models to paint.  I don't think you're being selfish.  But I'd consider meeting her before you make any major decisions about 'coming to get her'.  Even if it means having to leave and come back again. Waiting until you have your own place is just delaying meeting her in the flesh and delaying you spending time with her in person to see if your relationship is just as real in 'real life'.  Meeting her should be your main focus since it's been over a year and a half.  Webcam tells you a lot about the person but it's not the same as being with them in real life, there's a fantacy aspect to it, and your relationship won't be totally real until you can touch.

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7. 69

   home witchposted 13 years ago

   I don't think you are being selfish, but this does flag up major differences in your attitudes and expectations. If she thinks that this job is fine to do, and you don't agree, then it just means that you have different value systems. I don't think she's doing anything wrong, if she's comfortable with the job that's just her way of being. But then you need to realise that you will always have different markers of expectation. You cannot ask her to give up her job, that's not fair, but you do need to tell her that you are uncomfortable with it. If you do go on to be a more committed relationship where you end up being together in the physical realm, this is the kind of thing that you will need to negotiate. Being virtual, you still don't really have much leeway, but you can express your emotions.

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8. 0

   Edliraposted 13 years ago

   I don't think you are being selfish. Being in a relationship does mean making compromises but to the extent you are comfortable with. So, think it through and if it really bothers you then talk to your girlfriend and she might clarify what makes you feel nervous. Good luck!

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9. 60

   Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

   No. You're being honest and human.
   With your relationship being long distance I'm sure lots of thoughts go through your mind about fidelity.. temptation.. Your girlfriend getting this job has just reinforced those thoughts/fears..
   I think you should voice your thoughts and feelings and take it from there. Good luck

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10. 79

    Sunnyglitterposted 13 years ago

    You're not being selfish, but I think you might want to meet your gf face to face, or consider dating another girl in your area.  A year and 7 months is a long time, and you deserve somebody who will at least hang out with you in person every few months or so.

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11. 78

    SweetiePieposted 13 years ago

    Honestly, the two of you are not in a real relationship yet, as you have not met in person.  I know you feel close because you talk and IM, but this is not a real life interaction.  If your friend is into modeling for art, this is her choice and business.  She will be doing this for years to come, and it sounds like you want to date someone who is a bit more conservative in that way.
    
    Ultimately you have to ask yourself what the goals of this relationship are.  Are you going to drop everything and move to her city?  If not, I suggest you spend time with women in your town.  Not that you cannot be friends with her, but it is not a relationship until you start spending time together in person.  It does not sound like this is a firm plan for either of you, and she might not consider this a relationship.  After all, what do you really know about her?  She could be dating someone and just spending her free time with you on the computer.
    
    Yes some people who meet online, fall in love and get married, but they take the online interaction offline pretty quick.  Seven months is a long time to wait, and if it is going to happen, you need to try harder to make it happen sooner than later.

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12. 64

    Bubblegum Senpaiposted 13 years ago

    I've done the online dating thing before, so I do know what it's like. As far as the modelling, I personally wouldn't be too concerned about it. I don't know all the details, but even in college it's very common for students to make a bit of extra cash posing nude for the art clubs and classes.
    
    Artists tend to be very professional, and I would put some trust in your friend/girlfriend to not model for a sleazy guy.
    
    Yor feelings are natural, so no, you're not being selfish. But it would help to put a bit of faith in your girlfriend, and possibly try to make arrangements to meet her sometime.

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