Am I being selfish or what? So me and my girlfriend have been together for a ye

Jump to Last Post 1-12 of 12 discussions (12 posts)
  1. Syrusv37 profile image83
    Syrusv37posted 13 years ago

    Am I being selfish or what?

    So me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and seven...

    So me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and seven months. Its been entirely long distance from the beginning, since we met online and now we talk everyday, but only on phone and webcam. Meaning I've never met her face to face. She's the artsy kind and she has been offered a gig to do modeling with VERY little clothing. Basically a thin blanket barely covering the "areas" I'm happy for her, but at the same time uncomfortable. I've never met the guy who's going to be painting her and she's fifteen hundred miles away. I don't want to be upset, just happy for her. Am I being selfish?

  2. easyfreerecipes profile image61
    easyfreerecipesposted 13 years ago

    the problem i see is that you are uncomfortable with it. the fact is that if you dont want her to do it, and it makes you uncomfortable, then she shouldn't. however, you should ask yourself why it bothers you and if those feelings/fears are well-founded.  if you could rationalize to yourself that it is ok, nothing bad will happen, and it is just a bit of jealousy on your part (which is completely normal), then there would not be the question of whether it is selfish or not.  Hope this helps!

  3. ladyt11 profile image61
    ladyt11posted 13 years ago

    In my opinion having a relationship online only is different to me. Being face to face allows you to read a person and see reactions that are not possible on line as well as so many other things. I think if you feel uncomfortable with this you should probably think about whether or not this is the relationship that you want to pursue, chances are she may do this type of work often. Let her know how you feel, keeping it inside is not good because one day you will be at the breaking point and address her while you are very upset which is not good. If you are ok with it, it should not pop up in conversations frequently. I don't think you are being selfish just concerned about whether or not this will affect your relationship. Hope this helps!

  4. Bel Marshall profile image60
    Bel Marshallposted 13 years ago

    Are you paying her bills?  Do you live together?  Doesn't sound that way.   I am sorry but a seven year online relationship that hasn't progressed has bigger issues than her choice in careers.
    If it's that important to you to meet the guy who is painting her, then I suggest you do some thinking and either do something to bring the two of you together in a physical sense or face the fact that it's likely time to move on to a real life relationship.

  5. C.V.Rajan profile image59
    C.V.Rajanposted 13 years ago

    What you feel is an outcome of possessiveness. Any relationship like this is bound to develop such possessiveness and I feel it is natural. Whether your G/F is going to heed to you, if you voice your objection, is a different question.

  6. stricktlydating profile image85
    stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

    Basically your online girlfriend has a semi-nude modelling offer.  You don't have to be comfortable about that. Do you know for certain she hasn't done it before and it isn't NUDE modelling? Many artists often request nude models to paint.  I don't think you're being selfish.  But I'd consider meeting her before you make any major decisions about 'coming to get her'.  Even if it means having to leave and come back again. Waiting until you have your own place is just delaying meeting her in the flesh and delaying you spending time with her in person to see if your relationship is just as real in 'real life'.  Meeting her should be your main focus since it's been over a year and a half.  Webcam tells you a lot about the person but it's not the same as being with them in real life, there's a fantacy aspect to it, and your relationship won't be totally real until you can touch.

  7. home witch profile image67
    home witchposted 13 years ago

    I don't think you are being selfish, but this does flag up major differences in your attitudes and expectations. If she thinks that this job is fine to do, and you don't agree, then it just means that you have different value systems. I don't think she's doing anything wrong, if she's comfortable with the job that's just her way of being. But then you need to realise that you will always have different markers of expectation. You cannot ask her to give up her job, that's not fair, but you do need to tell her that you are uncomfortable with it. If you do go on to be a more committed relationship where you end up being together in the physical realm, this is the kind of thing that you will need to negotiate. Being virtual, you still don't really have much leeway, but you can express your emotions.

  8. profile image0
    Edliraposted 13 years ago

    I don't think you are being selfish. Being in a relationship does mean making compromises but to the extent you are comfortable with. So, think it through and if it really bothers you then talk to your girlfriend and she might clarify what makes you feel nervous. Good luck!

  9. Ashantina profile image61
    Ashantinaposted 13 years ago

    No. You're being honest and human.
    With your relationship being long distance I'm sure lots of thoughts go through your mind about fidelity.. temptation.. Your girlfriend getting this job has just reinforced those thoughts/fears..
    I think you should voice your thoughts and feelings and take it from there. Good luck smile

  10. Sunnyglitter profile image82
    Sunnyglitterposted 13 years ago

    You're not being selfish, but I think you might want to meet your gf face to face, or consider dating another girl in your area.  A year and 7 months is a long time, and you deserve somebody who will at least hang out with you in person every few months or so.

  11. SweetiePie profile image84
    SweetiePieposted 12 years ago

    Honestly, the two of you are not in a real relationship yet, as you have not met in person.  I know you feel close because you talk and IM, but this is not a real life interaction.  If your friend is into modeling for art, this is her choice and business.  She will be doing this for years to come, and it sounds like you want to date someone who is a bit more conservative in that way.

    Ultimately you have to ask yourself what the goals of this relationship are.  Are you going to drop everything and move to her city?  If not, I suggest you spend time with women in your town.  Not that you cannot be friends with her, but it is not a relationship until you start spending time together in person.  It does not sound like this is a firm plan for either of you, and she might not consider this a relationship.  After all, what do you really know about her?  She could be dating someone and just spending her free time with you on the computer.

    Yes some people who meet online, fall in love and get married, but they take the online interaction offline pretty quick.  Seven months is a long time to wait, and if it is going to happen, you need to try harder to make it happen sooner than later.

  12. Bubblegum Senpai profile image88
    Bubblegum Senpaiposted 12 years ago

    I've done the online dating thing before, so I do know what it's like. As far as the modelling, I personally wouldn't be too concerned about it. I don't know all the details, but even in college it's very common for students to make a bit of extra cash posing nude for the art clubs and classes.

    Artists tend to be very professional, and I would put some trust in your friend/girlfriend to not model for a sleazy guy.

    Yor feelings are natural, so no, you're not being selfish. But it would help to put a bit of faith in your girlfriend, and possibly try to make arrangements to meet her sometime.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)