Did you make the decision to come out? Or, did someone else out you?

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  1. brimancandy profile image77
    brimancandyposted 13 years ago

    Did you make the decision to come out? Or, did someone else out you?

    There are a lot of questions from straight people wanting to know if being gay is a choice. Nobody knows the true answer to that, but we do know that we eventually have to come out and say who we are. So, did you decide to come out on your own? Or, did someone else out you? Or was it a combination of both?

    For me, I came out to friends and family when I was young (1985, I was 20) Then I was later outed at work. So it was a combination of both.

    Hope I get some answers, there may be someone out there who needs to read this. It might help someone who needs it.

  2. brimancandy profile image77
    brimancandyposted 13 years ago

    Not sure what you meant by all of that ambassador, and I agree with some of it. There are all kinds of different races of human beings on this planet, with ways that a lot of people don't understand, the sad part is, that there is always someone who assumes they are more powerful than them, or they think they are more intelligent, so they try to force their views on them. Gay people do not try to force their views on anyone, but, they do hope that someone will understand them.

    Now in your opinion, would you say that the people who are trying to force their views are doing it by choice? or by instinct? If everything is a choice as you claim, why would someone go out of their way to tell them that their choice is wrong? Why not just leave them alone? Do people chose to harrass? If so. Why? Where is the good free will in that?

    And, what if someone suddenly decided that your choice to not be gay as you claim, was suddenly one of those choices that was constantly seen as wrong, and everyone seems out to get you. How would you feel about that? maybe they told you that you can't marry because it's against a law that they created?
    Would you not marry because it is against the law?

    We can be given choices as human beings like you say, but, there is always going to be someone with their thumb on top of you trying to tell you what is right and wrong, until those people no longer exist, we will mainly live as we are told.
    That's why it is so hard for some people to come out.

    Just look at the difference between free american women today, as compared to the 1800's, or even women struggling for equality in foreign countries while they cover their entire bodies by law. Do you really believe that they like it that way?

  3. TahoeDoc profile image79
    TahoeDocposted 13 years ago

    I do not remember "deciding" to be straight. I wish we could ask the animals that engage in homosexual behavior when they decided to be gay, because that would be interesting.

    My friends who are gay, I think, may not be a representative sample. They (almost) all decided when to come out. One had some pressure from a partner and one had a HUGE estrangement from family over it, but several were lucky to be "accepted".

    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15750604/ns … e-science/

  4. profile image0
    Erik S.posted 13 years ago

    Well, maybe this isn't relevant because I'm not gay, but my father is. I remember him pulling me aside from my sister one day at home a couple of years after him and my mother had divorced. He told me that he was gay and asked if I had any questions, and honestly I didn't. It wasn't a big deal.
    I can't say whether or not being gay is a choice. But I can say that most people who discriminate against it are a bit ignorant. I don't mean to say all, because it gets kind of iffy in regards to religion, but most people aren't religious either.
    Anyway, those same ignorant people don't look at their own heterosexuality as a choice, which doesn't make sense.
    Let's say you like peanut butter. You can choose not to eat peanut butter but that doesn't mean you don't like it. Us as people whether straight or gay can choose not to have sex or relationships, but that doesn't make us any less gay or less straight.
    I remember hearing a black man once say something along the lines of "I don't like how they block the streets with their parades." I couldn't believe it. What about the Million Man March? It's like you said, brimancandy, why do people choose to harass? You ask a question directed towards gays, and yet someone who disagrees still goes completely out of their way just to be an ass. Is stupidity or ignorance a choice?
    I hope that you find some comfort in knowing that these are the kind of people that question your lifestyle.

  5. darrenhooper profile image60
    darrenhooperposted 13 years ago

    I did not have to make this decision. I am straight (except when it comes to George Clooney). However, I have several gay friends and I have seen some of them go through life almost hiding from the world. It was sad to see that happen.

    You are born the way you are: Straight, Gay, or Bisexual. My advice to everybody in this world is to be who you are and the hell with what people think.

    If it was only that easy.

  6. Jordan Hemmann profile image58
    Jordan Hemmannposted 13 years ago

    I am not a scientist nor have I studied this subject in depth, but I did take an advanced class in college on human sexuality. Because of this, I can say that it has been scientifically found that being straight or gay is NOT a choice. There is a certain neurotransmitter in our brain (like I said, I'm not a scientist so I don't know the details) that declares our sexuality. Therefore, I find it unfortunate and unbelievably sad that homosexuals in our society feel as if they have to either hide their sexuality or act as if they are straight.

    I think of it like this: What if society thought the opposite way? That being gay was "normal" and straight people should be ashamed and humiliated, and should attempt to be gay. I don't know about you, but being a straight person, it would be very difficult for me to act like I was gay.

    With that said, I think (at least I hope) that society is becoming more accepting of homosexuality, and thank goodness for that!

    Sorry... I know this isn't an answer to your question, but I still had to comment! :-)

  7. kimfaner profile image61
    kimfanerposted 13 years ago

    the decision was mine to make. though i have to say there are certain instances that pushed me to finally do it. i was always out to my friends. i just had to come out to my family, which is one wonderful moment i cannot forget. my Mom cried; she knew it all along. She cried because she was worried that I wont get any family and die lonely. well, im working on that. im happy with my life right now, dignified and true to myself.

  8. Bijosh profile image61
    Bijoshposted 13 years ago

    Most of the time, it's very difficult to make good decisions. I'm very slow to make decisions and at times others, time or situation make decisions for me.When it comes to our own self realization the decision has to come from within because ultimately only we know who we are and what we are. There are a lot of limitations for others to know us fully.

  9. HattieMattieMae profile image60
    HattieMattieMaeposted 13 years ago

    From my understanding in class in college, that someone that is gay was born biologically that way. They don't have a choice anymore than I do of being straight. I don't choose to be straight! I just am! It's not something you think about and decide one day!  Don't have the book anymore from class, but it was talking about in the brain, so really to judge anyone for being gay, is like judging a straight person for being straight.
    If society accepted Gay as the norm, straight people would be out casted, but since society accepts straight than people outcast gay people. It comes down to what society's norms and values are and what they agree and decide on as whole what is acceptable in the community. That is just the social and psychological point of view is.

  10. Eric Prado profile image70
    Eric Pradoposted 13 years ago

    I decided to come out on my own and in my own time.

  11. sholland10 profile image82
    sholland10posted 13 years ago

    I have gay friends and relatives.  It is a difficult choice as to when to come out, and each person has different circumstances.  For instance, I am a Christian who believes in unconditional love, but I know many Christians want to judge and even condemn.  I disagree with this stance, and hope that those who were raised Christian realize that Christ loves them unconditionally as do many others. 


  12. SteffyRose profile image60
    SteffyRoseposted 12 years ago

    I was outed to my Mum buy an old best friends mum out of spite, but my mum didn't believe her, so i used this as an opportunity to tell my mum that I was in fact gay. Although at the age of 16 I still was unsure as to whether I was Bisexual or lesbian - So initially i came out as Bi, and then later on discovered that I in fact had no desire to be with a man what so ever.

    Out of my friends mums spite, came quite a good ending.
    So I guess my coming out was a mixture of being outed and coming out myself

  13. zduckman profile image61
    zduckmanposted 12 years ago

    I came out as bi on facebook. I was so tired of pretending to be something I am not. I LOVE women...but I like guys as well.....I believe we all have some bi tendencies


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