I've been hurt by men in the past, so how do I trust my new boyfriend after other men have hurt me?
My boyfriend tells me "that either I trust him or I don't"!! Is it that easy after other men have hurt me in past relationships? How do I learn to trust a man again?
you dont go by your gut feelings,. a women instict this rarly worng
Life is all about hardship, But what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.
Do not see the past in your new boyfriend. Look only towards the future, and see if he is the right man for you. Remember that each individual is unique.
When he says something like "either you trust him or you don't" he is trying to ascertain his power of you. In a healthy relationship, a man and a woman must be able to love and hold control over each other (that's why relationships last over 20,30,40,50+ years)
It is entirely up to you whether you trust him or you don't, it depends on your better judgement.
I say, if you show unconditional love, and he shows it right back, then there should be no problems. If he doesn't, then its up to you if you want to continue the relationship.
Try not to automatically assume with this one. Don't expect the worst but still keep your eyes opened. It takes time to get over being hurt but allow him to love you and allow yourself to be happy.
I feel your pain, read this hub i wrote and maybe it will awnser some questions for you, and perhaps provide you with some laughs as well. It is a true story about my ex-girl friend.
http://hubpages.com/hub/HOW-NOT-TO-LIVE … irlfriends
Topic: men and women: Dating, Relationships gone bad! Good Friends & Evil Women, my perspective (humor) but (true)
As a Professional Counselor whose worked extensively with evidence-based couple’s interventions, I’d have to say that your need for safety and security represents one of the most critically important core-relationship-needs that define a relationship. It is very important that you express this need and have it met.
Although your partner’s response to your request is inappropriate and predictive of relationship failure, he’s likely responding this way because he doesn’t know how to share effective relationship communication around defining and meeting each other’s needs. Please take a look at my hub on the topic and feel free to ask for further clarification as it applies to your question here. I’ll be better able to provide practical information with you once I know that you understand the basics of effective couple’s communication.
You feel hurt by past experiences and to trust again is a scary notion. Trust can be built in small steps. So take one step at a time and slowly does it. That way you won't be caught up with the past and will enjoy future events and experiences. Take a deep breath and let out your anxiety and fears of the past. Learn from the past also. What was it that caused you so much hurt?
Perhaps if you are prepared to answer the question: 'I felt hurt and pain when...because ...' you may then understand why you experienced so much pain and hurt. What was it you needed and hoped for in the past relationships?
We have to look out for ourseoves and know when a situation is not good for us. We try to get out before it's too late or we sit down and try to talk through the differences that may cause the hurt.
Hope this helps.
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