When it comes to relationships, when is it okay to be selfish?

1. 59

   Mr-Yo LVposted 13 years ago

   When it comes to relationships, when is it okay to be selfish?

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2. 68

   Teppie_Christinaposted 13 years ago

   Firstly, even though you and your partner are a couple you should still operate as individuals and be self reliant.  Remember that thinking of yourself and having your own life does not make you selfish.
   
   To make your relationship healthy you have to allow each other emotional and physical space.  You do this by getting separate interests, friends and activities while still staying close. 
   
   You will notice that when you have your own life, your relationship will get more interesting and you'll be yearning to spend more time with each other.  In other words your relationship will get better!
   
   It's important not to sacrifice your identity just because you are in a relationship.  It's not selfish to have your own life and your own friends.  However when you deny the needs of your partner and don't share yourself with them, that is selfishness.  This will inevitably destroy the relationship and may even lead to cheating.

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3. 61

   raxit02posted 13 years ago

   I think you wanted to mean that 'when it comes to relationships, is it ok to be a possessive about the partner'? I think everyone need to be a little possessive. Because, every relationship demands something, yes from the mind corner. Your possessive nature is the parameter of your love to your partner. Hence, becoming moderately possessive is really important.
   
   But, I never advise anyone to become over-possessive. It really hurts your beloved personal life and finally splitting up.
   
   You may read my hub topic 'How can I get rid of my possessive nature'.

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4. 81

   POWERS1205posted 13 years ago

   I think the term 'selfish' is relative to the situation and opinions of the people involved. I believe that sacrifice is a huge part of a relationship, but sometimes, based on personal experiences, it can be important for a person to insist on an agreement that both sides may not see completely eye-to-eye on. For example, my wife cannot stand any nudity in a movie. I don't find it to be a big deal. However, because she has had some very negative experiences based on past events in her life, I know that trying to force my opinion on her will leave her feeling uncomfortable because of psychological reasons. I'm okay with her being 'selfish' about this because I want her to be comfortable and happy. By the same token, I insist on certain types of food in the house that are just for me because I watch my diet because of a family history of heart disease. She, on the other hand, seems to be able to eat anything. She concedes because she understands why. 'Selfish' is usually only a problem when people won't communicate about why they feel as strongly as they do.

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5. 70

   stricktlydatingposted 13 years ago

   I would say if you're dating someone and you feel like you need some time out to catch up with friends. For example if your lover wants you to stay in and have dinner but you want to go to dinner with your friends, or have a particular hobby that you don't want to give up (Because their now in the picture).  Also it's okay to be selfish (If you could call it that) if you feel your partner is keeping a 'friendship' with or spending time with someone of the same sex which you're not comfortable about.

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6. 61

   smith624posted 13 years ago

   I agree with POWERS1205. It doesn't mean that you are selfish just because you want to do one thing and your partner wants to do another. Selfishness comes in to play when you want something "just because" you want it, whether it makes the other person uncomfortable or not. To insist on having something for a good reason is not selfish.

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7. 67

   Vicki.Pierceposted 13 years ago

   It is all about compromise.  Being selfish is never a good thing.  It is best to be willing to exhibit some give and take in all relationships.  When one person in the relationship begins to be selfish - that (in my opinion) is the beginning of the end

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   Pam Poundsposted 13 years ago

   Yes, it is ok to be selfish.  If you are not having your needs met, the relationship is doomed to fail.  Talk to your partner.  Tell him/her what you need.  Compromise.  Come up with a plan to meet both your needs.

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9. 0

   rorshak sobchakposted 13 years ago

   I thought it is never okay to be selfish? Not sure though..

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10. 73

    dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

    Technically (in part) if you have a desire to be in a relationship it's because you want to SHARE your life with someone.
    
    When you ask "When is it okay to be selfish" it sounds as though a person has been pretending to be one way until they feel it's safe to reveal their "true self" without the risk of losing their mate. The old "bait & switch",
    
    The best thing anyone can do is (be yourself) right from the beginning! (Finding someone who will love and accept you as you are may be considered a "selfish" goal but I truly believe each of us is responsible for our own happiness.) No one stays in a relationship unless there is something in it for them. If you are not getting what you want or need in a relationship then it's time to move on. We don't date or marry someone for "altruistic" reasons. We enter into monogamus relationships because we don't want to share our "significant other" with another person.
    Unless you are in an "open relationship" you are already being selfish. :-) Seriously we spend time with people WE want to be with.

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11. 69

    titobayposted 13 years ago

    Sometimes you can't help but being selfish in a relationship if you are dealing with a partner who does not believe in you or your goal. In every relationship, each partner has personal goals and you both have common goals. If your partner is being unreasonable in appreciating your personal goals and chose not to be there for you, you can be selfish if you truly believe in the cause. Above all, its best to discuss it through and through.

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