Do you think it is rude when people ask newlyweds when they are going to start h

1. 62

   TCDesignposted 13 years ago

   Do you think it is rude when people ask newlyweds when they are going to start having children?

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2. 69

   marwan asmarposted 13 years ago

   No why should it. However it might depend on the culture.

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3. 60

   premsinghposted 13 years ago

   It will not be considered rude if inquired just out of curiosity from newly weds. It may appear rude if a couple fail to produce progeny after a long period of marriage due to some anatomical or any other medical reason and people tease them for non bearing of children.

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4. 82

   CWanamakerposted 13 years ago

   I wouldn't say it was rude.  It could be annoying for the couple if the question gets asked a lot.  Personally, I wouldn't ask anyone this question unless they brought it up.  Its really none of my business.

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5. 60

   northweststarrposted 13 years ago

   Having 3 children myself, I'd say it's just like the people who ask long-time couples when they're going to tie the knot.  You want others to know the same happiness you have.  A better question would be if they are planning on having children, though.  That doesn't imply that they are expected to.

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6. 61

   IsaBbottposted 13 years ago

   Not to me. It seems like a natural question.

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7. 0

   klarawieckposted 13 years ago

   It depends on who is asking. If it's someone close to them, it's expected. My in-laws are still asking after six years of marriage. It's starting to get to me!

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8. 0

   Giselle Maineposted 13 years ago

   Yes, I *definitely* think it is really rude, BUT be aware the asker is not intending to be rude.  They are probably just happy and excited for your future.  I think the key is to deflect them by saying something like "if we have kids, believe me, you'll be among the first to know!".  Then change the subject. If the same asker brings up the topic again, repeat the sentence - ad nauseum if necessary!
   
   Lots of people try to 'pin you down' for some unknown reason as to when you might start trying. Resist any temptation to tell them 'in x years' or whatever.  It's none of their business and having kids isn't a precise thing anyway!!
   
   It's just one of the things about being a newlywed is that people will a) want to hear your plans about having kids, b) or worse, try to convince you that you should be having kids according to timing that THEY think is ideal, LOL!!  Good luck with everything, and just remember, deflect & change subject. Don't take it to heart either otherwise you'll just get angry at family & friends you love!

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   Kate Spenserposted 13 years ago

   I think it depends a lot on a) the person asking, and b) the context.  I agree with what others have said that if the person is someone close to you, it isn't necessarily rude - I think it's a common thing to be curious about such things, although I think it would DEFINITELY be better if they didn't assume people WERE going to have kids, i.e. by asking "Have you guys started thinking about whether you'll have kids?"
   
   I think the context matters, too. I think it's to be expected that right around the time of the wedding, a lot of people will ask as they get caught up in the mood of the festivities, and hey, if you've invited people to such a personal event as a ceremony in which you commit your life to another person, it's somewhat understandable that they'd feel more comfortable asking personal questions.  But after that, I think it's rude to just ask outright, because really it just seems nosy and gossipy. If you're having a conversation with someone in which the news of someone else's pregnancy comes up, it might be appropriate to ask, "Hey, are you guys thinking of having kids right away?" But just out of the blue prying is kind of rude. And the repetitive, every-holiday-or-family-get-together question that many couples who are childless and married more than a year become accustomed to is just plain downright rude. For all they know, the couple could be trying to get pregnant and are having a hard time, or are undergoing emotionally wrought fertility treatments, or maybe has miscarried a time or two...asking "so when are you going to start having kids?" over and over assumes that the person asking already knows that the couple *hasn't* started trying, so unless you know for a fact that they have not, I think it's best to keep quiet.
   
   I'd be interested to hear if others disagree with me, though!

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    freecampingaussieposted 13 years ago

    
    
    No....Everone gets asked that , the secret is to have an answer that suits you , short & sweet   without getting upset .
    
    If you know you dont plan on having any then come up with a suitable reply so you don't keep on getting asked !

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    lovelife08posted 13 years ago

    I do think it is a little rude, yes.  It should be no one's business but the couple's when the decision to have children is made, if they decide to have children at all.  I would be offended if someone randomly asked me and my (hypotheical) husband when we were planning on having children.  A rude question deserves a rude answer, so I'd flat out tell them, it's none of their business.
    
    Now, if they ask IF we're planning to have children, as opposed to WHEN, I don't mind that so much.  That, in my opinion, is a legitimate question for casual conversation.  But asking when is an assumption that they want children, and if they don't, the people that asked probably won't be on their favorites list for a while.

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    puddingicecreamposted 13 years ago

    I think it's a question that many couples come to expect after a while. Most people asking the question just see it as the next step in their marriage, as a way to start a conversation or show interest.

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    AMBASSADOR BUTLERposted 13 years ago

    Yes. Some people do not want children and be content with the life they choose to live in pursuing freely other things in life together now then later. You are not the ones who is going to support the children financially or raising them. So chill out and let them enjoy their time together without the added responsibility of having children which will change your life for the rest of your life.

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    iamsergellposted 13 years ago

    I guess no. For the fact that they are already married entails their mind of having a children. The one who is also asking should at least know something about the couple, might be a relative or a close friend. That the right time then to call someone a rude.

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    StephanieBCrosbyposted 13 years ago

    It is very rude to ask, even if the person is a family member. It is a personal matter. This question is equivalent to asking when a couple is going to get married, if a couple is going to have another child, etc. It is no one's business except the couple.
    
    People have been conditioned to believe this this is a natural question to ask. But most do not realize this "simple" question can have unintended effects. If the couple has been trying to conceive without people knowing, it can be a sore topic. While I did not have this issue, I knew plenty of people with this issue and were going through the long process of IVF or other means to have a child without others knowing how hard they were trying.

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    gmwilliamsposted 11 years ago

    
    
    Not at all.  This is a common question to ask newlyweds.  They can either answer in the affirmative or negative.   Also, it depends upon the person asking the question.  He/she can be curious e.g. a parent or another relative.  It is a well meaning question.

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