Would you have children if you had it to do all over again?

1. 78

   Express10posted 12 years ago

   Would you have children if you had it to do all over again?
   
   I'm single and constantly being told I should have kids, blah, blah, blah. I don't want children, period. I want to do a lot of things in life and having children simply is not one of them. Shockingly, I had a friend admit that if she had it to do all over again, she would not have kids because they're expensive, she can't do the things she wants, etc. How about you?

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2. 77

   Amy Gillieposted 12 years ago

   Absolutely, 100% yes. I have learned more from my kids than they have learned from me. There is nothing better than a hug and an "I love you" from one of my kids to make all the sacrifices worth it.
   
   That being said, you should always be true to yourself. If you don't feel that desire to have kids, then having them may counteract your goals. While some people can change their minds after having kids, I think that if you truly don't want them, you should stick to your guns. The people telling you this don't have to be the parent. Good luck!

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3. 86

   Denise Handlonposted 12 years ago

   your friend sounds like she feels she's missed out, or is missing out, and cannot appreciate the beautiful flowers growing in her garden.
   
   yes, Yes, and double YES is my answer.  I wish I could have had more than the two I did have.  I am now in my fifties with grandkids and raising my nephew who is a teen in high school.  I don't think there is a greater challenge or a greater opportunity to support another person in their growth and development. 
   
   Certainly, parenthood is not for everyone and you are wise to tread cautiously weighing everything out before entering because, it is irrevocable.  Once you are a parent it is forever, whether you give your child up, whether you abandon your child, whether your child dies...it is a little like losing your virginity: you are never the same again.
   
   I wish you well in your decision.

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4. 69

   CrisSpposted 12 years ago

   Much as I love kids, my answer is maybe not considering the high-cost of living these days. Don't get me wrong, babies are adorable creatures but to remember the pain of going through labor--I'm alright not to reproduce anymore. Lol!

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   1. 69

      CrisSpposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      P.S. This maybe a dissenting opinion but it's an honest one. No offense intended.

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5. 0

   Lizam1posted 12 years ago

   I am very glad to have my two daughters and would definitely have had more children if I had started earlier.  I think it is a very personal choice and not having children if it's not right for you is an act of love.  Too many people have children and then do a terrible job becasue they aren't prepared to put in the time.  I get soo much back from my girls and in many ways I am not sure I would still be here if they weren't around.  Since they have been born I have been mentally much healthier and stuggles with depression has been way less. When I had cancer they were my reason for striving to survive.

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6. 66

   Perspycaciousposted 12 years ago

   I hold to the belief that the purpose of marriage is to raise a family, and just as I would not choose to be single and living solitary dreams, I am delighted that my wife and I have successfully raised 3 + 2 successful children who are making their own worthwhile contributions to American life.  I would do it again in a heartbeat, though I certainly agree that people who don't want children should make it a point not to have them, or else put them up for adoption by couples who desperately do want them.

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   1. 66

      Perspycaciousposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I looked at this question again, and I briefly thought that, if I had to do it again, I would have adults.

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7. 60

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   Yes a thousand times yes.  I have lived for 60 years and I have to say there have been some great times but the best years were the ones when my girls were home.  We really enjoyed raising them and are so proud of the lovely women they have become.
   
   I will say that your choice of not wanting children should be respected. I did not want children at all for many years. I am an only child and have never had maternal feelings, or wanted to babysit or anything.  When I was 28 that all changed and I wanted a family.  It was a good choice for me, but not necessarily everyone.

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8. 84

   wychicposted 12 years ago

   Absolutely -- I'm about to give birth to number three and certainly no regrets . That said, it is an extremely personal decision and it's strange to me that some people would try to pressure others into having kids. To me, if you know yourself well enough to say that kids are definitely not in the cards, that's as it should be. Having children is a lifelong investment of time, energy, emotions, money, and putting them first no matter what happens. For some people it's a dream come true and what makes life fulfilling, but may make others tired and bitter. A child needs to feel loved and accepted, and certainly not a burden, so if there's even a possibility that they would be born into a home where those things aren't true then it's certainly better not to conceive them in the first place. It is admirable to me when someone knows themselves and acknowledges their own personality, and is willing to admit whether or not they would make a good and happy parent.

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9. 82

   Becky Katzposted 12 years ago

   I am not sure. I tried my best and got much joy out of them. I love them dearly. But things were so hard for so many years. I think I would not have if I had known that we were going to have so many trials. It might have been better for them not to have gone through that.
   And before you all jump on me about it, you do not know what trials we have gone through. I was ready and my husband was amenable and working. He was disabled shortly after and it was very hard to support us all by myself. One income just is not enough and we went without many times.

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   1. 75

      pmorriesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Becky, there is research that supports kids do not bring happiness, even though we love them. I look at your answer as a very honest one, and I do not doubt that you love your kids.

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10. 0

    idratherbeposted 12 years ago

    Only mistake we made was only having three! And as you get older the time you spend with your grandchildren is priceless!

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    1. 75

       pmorriesposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I can't wait to be a grandfather. I can love and spoil the kids...then send them home. I am also going to buy them the loudest toys I can find (revenge will be sweet).

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11. 73

    algarveviewposted 12 years ago

    I had twins and it was very hard at first, because it was just me and husband, family was quite far away, and to tell you the truth one of the twins cried more than usual babies do, it was that cry all through the night and day, non-stop, and we didn't know what to do. It can really drive you crazy, that kind of cry, though you only really understand it, if you actually experience it. But I've learned that apparently that is not very natural, most babies are calmer than that, much like my other twin. In spite of how difficult it was at first I would still want them all over again. I love them dearly and they make me smile for no reason, just looking at them. Nonetheless, I do understand why some people wouldn't want kids and I respect that, I think it's a matter of choice and in fact it is possible to be very happy, even without children, I think. The only thing is that you will be missing out on the experience, but you can have other experiences. This must be a very personal choice, independent of what others think, because in the end it is you that have to raise them. You must consider that you will have to give some things up, forget your own hours and what you want - at least at first - because that's just the way it is, and you feel you can't fail, because it not just you, it's that little life in your arms, innocent and sweet. Here is something totally different, the sense that it's not just you. In the end you also change and you start wanting different things. Now, I look at my little girl (that cried madly for 6 or 7 months) and I see a little me, her way, her answers, her look, her smile... I look at my little boy and I see his father. I mean that is so amazing... So, I would still have them. But I think people really need to think this one through because it's not something that can be taken away, it's for the rest of our lives...

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12. 0

    Starmom41posted 12 years ago

    Absolutely yes!
    However, I also have a great deal of respect for individuals who decide having kids is not for them. 
    My POV:  stand your ground, and don't feel like you're obligated to explain or justify your decision.

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13. 0

    oceansiderposted 12 years ago

    I have four grown kids, and my youngest is now 23 yrs. old.  If I could do it all again, I would have my kids again, because they have been such a joy to me, and I have raised them to love Jesus Christ, to respect others, to love all, and they are the most wonderful children that any mom could ever hope for.
    
    My children love me as much as I love them and I have learned so much from them all through the years.  God has truly blessed me with four beautiful miracles and I thank Him each and every day for each one of them!!!!
    
    Take care,
    Helen

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14. 52

    TammyCrawfordposted 9 years ago

    I would still have had kids, even though I had all my first kid at age sixteen, l love them.  They can be a joy to have and your mark after you're gone. But kids are a lot of work and very expensive to have.

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15. 85

    gmwilliamsposted 8 years ago

    
    
    Anne Landers cited a study in the 1970s when parents were asked if they had to do it over would they have children, a majority indicated that they WOULDN'T have children.  Most people have children because of religious, societal, & parental pressure.  People are constantly told that if they didn't have children, they were irresponsible, immature, & that "S" word- selfish.
    
    Only a minute few consciously have children.  By the way that many children are treated by their parents, it is obvious that they weren't really wanted.  Parents complain how their children drive them crazy.   One can constantly saw parents screaming, shouting, & even cursing at their children.  It is obvious that they didn't want to be parents.   They view children as a literal & proverbial thorn at their side. 
    
    Many parents merely go through the motions of parenting.  They clothe, feed, & shelter children.  Oftentimes, they let the children raise themselves as they can't be bothered.  When summer comes, they can't wait to send their children off to camp.  When fall comes, they can't wait until school starts so the children will be out of their hair.  Many parents simply don't enjoy their children, they even view them as noisome annoyances. Children sense this, they aren't dumb. 
    
    Also, many people have children because they were careless w/their birth control.  A study confirmed that over 51% of pregnancies in America are unplanned.  Couple that w/not really wanting children & one will see the tenuous, often precarious state of children in American families.

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16. 61

    KayceeLposted 7 years ago

    Yes. Only difference would be I would choose to have my children with my now husband instead of my kids father.

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