In all honesty, you don't. It will always be something that you think about. It isn't your responsibility to "get over it". It's the fidelity-challenged significant others to establish your trust again.
"Forgive but never forget".... One can forgive the person if it would mean that the marriage would succeed (however if a couple are not yet married, why stay on that relationship? Find another better mate...), but never forget. The betrayal will always hang over somewhere...
Personally I don't think I ever could get past it.
I'm too much of a "visual" person. Much like someone breaking into your home I'd feel like the marriage has been violated.
None-the-less there have been some high profile marriages that remained in tact such as the Clintons and Kennedys after it was apparent the husbands cheated. I can't think of any situation where the husband stayed once he knew the wife cheated.
It may be slightly easier if one is able to say they knowingly neglected the marriage such as (refused to have sex with their mate for several weeks) or was constantly berating them and taking their spouse for granted. Most unhappily married men aren't going to run down to the court house to file for divorce because their wife won't have sex with them. Under those circumstances it would take very little for stranger to put a smile on their face or in their heart. Everyone wants to feel desired.
However even mistresses are warned by their friends that "Married men never leave the wife" (on their own). This implies a unhappy husband is likely to cheat rather than end his marriage. A fact worth keeping in mind.
Either way it takes a long time to rebuild trust. (I suspect wanting to forgive is also tied to the shock of finding out). Sometimes it's too much to take in finding out your spouse cheated and ending the marriage all at one time. The betrayed person offers forgiveness as a reflex. They aren't ready to deal with a divorce.
My guess is quite a few people realize later on they can't forgive even if their husband/wife is doing everything possible to mend the marriage and earn their trust. It's probably best to take a couple of weeks apart to determine if you "really" can or want to forgive. If you decide to forgive it's not fair to contantly bring up the affair every time you have an argument.
by dashingscorpio 4 years ago
Ever known anyone that stayed in a bad relationship/marriage for the love of their mate's family?I knew of a person who loved their in-laws and their family gatherings so much that they were willing to endure unhappiness in the marriage in order to maintain that bond. Since she had no children by...
by NikiDiva 6 years ago
What point if at any should a man/woman no longer have privacy with their mate? Phone, email etc
by Theresa Kennedy 7 years ago
Is fishing good for a relationship/marriage? Why or why not?I read that you and your husband enjoy fishing together, and thought about some of the reasons fishing can make two people feel closer. I don't know if it can help a couple whose relationship is failing, but it certainly seems to make a...
by Carolee Samuda 2 years ago
How do you fix a relationship whose trust has been broken by infidelity?
by Jewels2940 3 years ago
I know that getting married young was probably the first sign that marriage was maybe a bad idea, but a marriage isn't going to work when only one person is putting forth an effort to make it work. I was 22 when I got married; I thought that I was happy until my husband quit his job. I understand...
by abovenbehond 2 years ago
1. Don’t put him out or leave him - yet.Instead of your first move, putting your husband out or leaving him should be your last resort. You may eventually decide to do this, but for now, it’s the worst thing you can do. Right now you need to keep a close eye on what’s going on. It’ll be...
|HubPages Device ID|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Google Analytics|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel|
|Google Hosted Libraries|
|Google AdSense Host API|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels|
|Author Google Analytics|
|Amazon Tracking Pixel|