What are your views (positive and negative) about having an open marriage (not monogamous)?
How does this topic affect your or make you feel? How does this non-traditional marriage work in the presence of Christianity? or other religions? How do you feel about men (or women) who have mistresses? Where do you see the future of marriage going in say 20 years as more of the non-traditional values are exposed?
Marriage is a sacred bond between ONE man and ONE woman committing their lives and bodies to only on another.... Anything outside of that is not marriage.
If you marry it should be for love---so why should there be any thoughts of open-marriage.
An open marriage is beneath any true and pure love---a true and pure love is what couples should build their futures and their families on daily.
Anyone can be cheap, low glass and disrespect themselves by living an undisciplined life, but happiness will evade ones who do this, and true love will not be in their future.
Family is the most important unit on this Earth, not money, not power, and not politics.
Marriage is honored by God and is sacred. It is two becoming one, then how does one accept that it is o.k. to commit adultery which is a sin. This type of lifestyle should not in anyways be associated to Christianity; it is anti- going against the teachings of Christ. Having an affair outside of ones marriage is extremely wrong. How can one say they love but yet they share their love with another. I cannot imagine the future being like that although the way of life now is directed in that path. Why? Because the bible is fulfilling rapidly, and very soon our Lord and Savior will be coming back again.
The best couples therapy research proves that we are basically designed to be in deeply emotionally connected and healthy monogamous relationships.
Professional counselors like me were stunned a few years back to see land breaking research that showed that even the most thorny issues distressed couples came to counseling for - chronic conflict, sex problems, parenting disagreements and problems with in-laws etc, spontaneously resolved with 7-10 sessions of laser targeted emotional repair work. And these positive outcomes were still in effect years later at follow up.
That means parenting problems, sex issues and even moderate clinical depression resolved, not by provide special counseling for each kind of problem, but by re-expanding the couples love connection;- by helping them fall more deeply in love again.
It's all about learning to really put our partner's emotional needs first, to hear them and to provide soothing and reassurance in times of stress or insecurity. In contrast to verbal criticisms or emotional shutdowns, this elicits their natural desire to want to be there for us at that profoundly loving and caring level too.
Put simply, 3 or more people can't put each other first!
I've known people who had open marriages, but they were open only for a very short time. In each instance, the couple divorced shortly after 'opening' their marriage to permit sex with other people.
If people want to try open marriage, it doesn't bother me. I've heard of gay couples making it work, but the only heterosexual couples who claim to make it work seem to belong to 'swingers' clubs, which I personally find gross.
So in short, it isn't for me. But life is short and no two people are the same. So I wouldn't presume to butt in to someone else's choices unless they asked me to--and in that case, I'd just say what I'm saying here. I'd be truthful, but not mean.
Also, speaking for myself only, I can't see taking on the responsibility of marriage and the stress of multiple partners. Why not just stay single? At least then you could retreat to your own place and take a break when it got to be too much.
I think that as long as both people are aware they are in an open marriage then it is fine. Marriage is about love, sex is about filling a need. If one partner is unwilling or prefers not to take on that role I see nothing wrong with the other going outside the marriage(again as long as it is known and accepted by the other). We have these rules about marriage and treat them if that is the only way it should be. That is bizzare. As long as there is an open communication line between those involved and it is not hurting anyone, what's the harm? Why should two people be miserable alone if they can be happy if this one element is added to their lives? People should do what works for their "OWN" marriage and leave everyone else out of their predefined definition!
I too, am a clinical counselor, and while I ascribe to monogamy and am a Christian believer, it might serve the discussion to observe that marriage, through the ages (even in Old Testament times) was not always considered to be monogamous...there are many, many examples of men having multiple wives and concubines in the Old Testament. Marriage is a CULTURAL issue, and less a religious one; though SPIRITUAL people may choose to make their marriage spiritual and have religious meaning.
I think that it is appropriate for monkeys, but the primates of supposedly higher intelligence should walk upright. Do we walk on all fours, or what? It may seem like a fun thing to do, but it comes with a high price. Ask someone who complicated their lives by getting herpes, genital warts, AIDS, or a "love" child after saying "Yes" to an open relationship. Ask a man who lost his wife to her sex partner. Ask the woman who learned that her husband died of a heart attack in another woman's bed, and later, she watched him being carried out on a stretcher while neighbors took careful notes. Ask the man whose lover murdered his wife and left his children motherless because the other woman wanted him for herself. When stupidity plays with fire, it gets burned, sometimes to death. These stories have been told by many a regretful spouse, and who wants to immitate? The game is called Russian Roulette.
Too each his own I say...however, I have observed two different couples that had open marriages and it ended badly for both. We are simply not wired to share in this manner no matter how 'hip' we think we are.
I think as human beings evolve mentally (hopefully!), marriage will become a more sacred commitment - as it should be. People will be more discerning in the partner they choose and not be so quick to get married just because. (This may be wishful thinking on my part.)
As to the question of mistresses, men who have them are just plain greedy in my book - that goes for women too. If you really want to mess around that badly, then don't bother getting married.
(I like your questions :-))
I would never agree to this type of relationship for myself. Everyone else has their own choices to make, however, I see no point in being married either partner wants to spread themselves around.
In my own experiences this did not work. It calls into question too many aspects of the relationship between the primary couple and can make each person question themselves on many levels, losing self-esteem and respect for themselves and their partner. There are situations where this sort of model has worked for couples, married or not, and each couple has a unique set of expectations for the extramarital relationships. In successful open relationships the main parties had very open lines of communications and were very honest with themselves and with each other. It requires a deep amount of trust, self-respect, and confidence to make an open relationship work. On a religious level, it is unacceptable to most mainstream religions. Cheating is simply disrespectful to everyone involved, especially keeping a consistent lover on the side.
According to me, marriage is a bond between to human being not between religions. If you love someone and you know that you will be happy with him. then there is no problem to do marriage with him. Marriage id for love then why to think about open-marriage. If there is a love then do that you wanna to do. There is a no problem to do open marriage.
I am a jealous woman, so I can not begin to imagine even discussing this topic with my husband. But to me marriage is sacred. I believe people rush into divorces these days when the fairy tale ends and that is the real reason so many people cheat, they don't want to lose their partner but they want to feel that feeling, that high school butterflies in the gut feeling. As people are living longer and healthier it seems monogamy is quickly becoming a lost concept. I have been divorced and never want to suffer through that pain again, however, I am more closed off now and afraid to be totally open, once bitten twice shy.
An open marriage is not really a marriage. It is however a way to bring disease and discord into a family while snubbing what God has joined together.
In 20 years? I guess marriage will be a mere re;itive term. Groups are already working to change the meaning of what was once sacred and make it into "whatever" one wants to make of it. Sad thing to leave the next generation.
there are no positives for an open marriage. having multiple partners, with or without the cover of marriage is dangerous (there's still NO CURE for A.I.D.S.) Emotionally, someone will be damaged due to the lack of attention. Furthermore, an "open" marriage is an excuse to not be responsible.
Marriage was designed for a man & woman to procreate and have children -stay together & only be with each other .
If everyone was loyal to their husband or wife there would be a lot more happy people in the world as well as a lot less stress & problems .
A so called open marriage is only asking for problems .
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