I do not believe that your spouse should be your best friend. Am I wrong in believing what I do?
My wife gets mad when I mention my theory on lovers and best friends, but I tell her that a best friend and a lover have two very different roles. My wife is my friend and much more than my best friend, but who do I talk too if my wife upsets me and she is my best friend? There are more contentions to my argument, but I want to hear what you have to say.
My husband is my best friend. If I am upset with him I still talk to him. That's what best friends do. If your wife upsets you she is the best person to go to. Let her know why you are upset with her. That's my humble opinion.
True, but sometimes you need to vent to someone else besides your partner, right?
True, but I rarely do that, unless the person I am venting to is a person with marriage experience or a counselor. I am not for telling everyone my information, even to vent. People can give you the wrong information.
My husband was my best friend and I think that is how it should be. Your best friend is the person that you can tell anything to and know it won't be repeated -- if you do not want to. He or she is also the person you turn to for comfort and the one who you want to spent most of your time with, also the person you feel the most comfortable around. That sounds like a spouse to me, or it should be. If you do not have that, well....that being said, there is nothing wrong, and a great deal that is healthy in spouses having very close friends and other interests apart from each other. What I think is unhealthy is when a spouse knows how the other one feels about something like being best friends and then seemingly goes out of their way to argue the situation and let them know that they are not best friends. It is hurtful, creates tension where none should exist and causes arguments. That makes you right, because best friends do not do that to each other.
I have never told my wife that she is not my best friend in a fight, but your point is valid one.I believe that your best freind and one's spouse play two different roles in one's life. You tell your husband everthing you would tell a best freind?
My opinion is that our wives should know everything about us with nothing held back. No matter what the topic is, they should know us deeply and intimately. If it helps us to have a friend we can use for venting I think that's great. But I think that's different from having someone else who is our "best friend" and keeping our wives at a distance. I think anything that creates that kind of distance in a marriage is a bad plan.
I do think it's great to have someone you can vent to who helps you blow off steam so you can talk about it with your wife rationally. This assumes that you do eventually discuss your frustration and irritation with your wife. Avoiding the topic, in my opinion, is also a bad plan. It will keep coming up until you deal with it together.
Your points are well made. What about maintaining balance in one’s life? Is there a risk that a couple might isolate themselves from the world? Is it feasible that your best friend can tell you truths a spouse could not (yep, your butt looks fat)?
Oh sure, I'm all for balance. Guys usually need guy time, Women usually need time out with other women, etc. I'm just a proponent of full and open communication within the marriage.
I agree with full and open communication, but would it surprise you that some Marriage Counselors say that there can be too much communication in a relationship?
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