Do men ever advise their buddies to date a woman simply because she's nice?
I had friends in my church group that kept pushing me towards a man that expressed interest in me, but that I was not interested in him. Their reasoning was that I should date him because he's sweet and nice. I should give him a chance, despite the fact that I kept saying that he was not my type. They thought the fact that he was in church and seem very nice and sweet with sufficient reason for me to give him a chance. For some reason my stating that I was not attracted to him and that he was not my type made no difference whatsoever. Do you think that just being in church is enough?
Men generally don't get into each other's business when it comes to dating and relationships. We only offer advice if asked for it. Men usually will only ask a woman out if they find her attractive. After all from our point of view there is no reason to be spending your time and hard earned money on someone you have no interest in. We don't buy into the concept of "I can learn to love her." Men never feel as though time is running out for them to "find a wife". When one believes they have all the time in the world there is no sense of urgency to settle.
Lori Gottlieb wrote a book for women titled; "Settling for Mr. Good Enough" This was a very popular book. Can you imagine a book for men titled "Settling for Ms, Good Enough"? I doubt it would be on the best seller list! This is due in large part that women either naturally or eventually get to a point where they look at men for "practical benefits" (ie) Does he have a good job? Does he treat you well? Does he go to church? Is he financially secure? Does he want children?
If the answer is "yes" then he's considered a (great catch)! Never mind about "looks" ,"chemistry", or "sexual compatibility". "Mr, Good Enough" is the guy who (on paper) looks like your "Mr. Right". Only you can determine if you could be happy in a stable marriage with someone you have no passionate desire for. Life sometimes is about trade-offs but the choice is yours and not your friends!.
You are absolutely right! I always thought that my standards were too high, because I want the passionate desire along with the practical benefits. I want to come to the table with equal benefits to offer. Most women settle just to say, I have a man.
Etherealenigma, "This above all: to thine own self be true" - Shakespeare :-)
I agree. I don't have a prob with being by myself at this point, because I don't see any1 that I am attracted to. I want the whole pkg, & sometimes I ? if that actually exists for me, but I'd rather be alone w/ God, than settle 4 some1 I don't li
guys usually are cool about these things, they usually dont insist their friend to date some, but they do make fun of each-other when they go to ask some one out and they blow it !! lol
First of all, your friends should already know that women love the bad boys, so they should get off your back about dating nice, respectable men. :0)
So, do men ever counsel their buddies to date a woman because she is nice? Hmm. I will say this: When a guy is younger, he is generally looking for a girl that is easy on the eyes. As he ages, he tends to look for a woman who is more appealing to his spirit.
I know when I was younger, like most men, I had to have someone that I thought rated very high on the physical attraction scale. As I have grown older and wiser, I have come to terms with the fact that beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone. I have become far more aware of a woman's character and personality as time has gone by.
I still would like someone that I find attractive, but my idea of attraction has less to do with looks and far more to do with virtue, personality, character, and overall demeanor. I hope this helps.
Yeah...that's my exact sentiment. I know I probably won't get exactly what I'd prefer physically, and that's ok as long as the character and spiritual part is in place. Nevertheless, I'd still like to have SOME physical attraction to the person.
Just be honest with your friends and the other person. Just don't say, "You're not my type so scram." You wanna be nice but not flirty nice. Be yourself and if the person still presses, be a little more upfront until they get it.
It will probably be frustrating, but just breathe and be still knowing that the situation will pass.
Explain to your friends to please not try and set you up with him (and don't gossip about it).
I feel a person should date someone if both people can be themselves around each other, sharing everything, and hiding nothing. Both people must be confident with themselves to and do some serious soul searching.
Hope I could help you,
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