How do you handle spousal abandonment?

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   nina64posted 13 years ago

   How do you handle spousal abandonment?
   
   One month ago today, my husband decided not to come home from work and literally left me hanging with all our bills and a mortgage!!!!! My heart is broken to say the least. I have not heard from him. I have so many unanswered questions. Right now, I have a lot of self doubt, anger and bitterness within me. I ask myself, what part did I play in him leaving? All I can do is to pray for things to get better.

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   MickSposted 13 years ago

   Wen't out and found a better woman. ...............................

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      nina64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Hello Mick5, That very well may be the case. If so, better her than me!!!!!! Just know that the grass is not always green on the other side.

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      duffsmomposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Mick, are you saying you went out and found a better woman, or her husband went out and found a better woman?

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      MickSposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I wen't out and found a better woman.

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   duffsmomposted 13 years ago

   I cannot imagine what you must be feeling.  Of course you are angry and filled with all manner of doubts.  Things will get better with time.  But in the meantime what is he doing now?  Still going to work?  Still in contact with his parents?
   
   I am curious to know what was in his mind and why he walked away leaving you with so many unanswered questions.  Have you contacted him and asked what he was thinking?  All may be important answers so you can have closure.
   
   Time will heal this wound but in the meantime can you find a good counselor to help you get through it?

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      nina64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Dear Duffsmom, as of today, I haven't heard anything from him. He quit his job & moved to another state. I had his cell phone turned off because I found out that he was calling everyone else except me. When I tried to call him, he refused my call

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      duffsmomposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Nina, I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.  If I know anything, I know it will get better with time.

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   nightwork4posted 13 years ago

   first off, if praying helped, there would be no kids dying in this world. instead, think and learn. i realize it is hard to understand why people do the things they do but there is usually a reason that they think is good. look at yourself and be honest about what you see. then look at him and see what it was that made you love him and then try to understand if what you saw was real or just what you hoped was real. lastly, move on and start a new life. if you are a good person, you will meet someone that will be there for you and you will give that person no reason to leave. good luck and i hope in the end it all works out.

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      nina64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Nightwork4, I appreciate your comments. I've had a lots of time to look within myself to find out why this happened. It could be any number of reasons. Like you stated, it's time for me to move on with my life and live for me and my kids.

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   Aunt Mollieposted 13 years ago

   My heart goes out to you, Nina64.  The first question I have is: Do you know that your husband is alive and well or is it time to file a missing-persons report?
   
   If you know that he is OK and is just avoiding you, it doesn't necessarily mean that a divorce will ensue.  I've seen husbands and wives reconnect after being separated for two or three years.
   
   In any event, your husband is encountering a unique life trauma to leave the way he did.  Perhaps drugs are involved or a mental psychosis.  Everything is up in the air until you and your husband talk; and this is true for you as well as for him.
   
   If a divorce happens, know that it also happens to the rich and the famous, the beautiful and the normal, even to Princesses.  Your life's journey will continue.  I have a Hub, "Quotes About Divorce" that is full of other women's feelings during divorce.  Something in there might help you right now.  One of my favorite divorce quotes is from an old Ann Landers column: "Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all: this, too, shall pass."
   
   If you feel like you've been dumped on, remember that the best garden roses have their roots in a pile of manure.
   
   love,
   
   Aunt Mollie

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      nina64posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Aunt Mollie, thank you for your comments & suggestions. I did file a police report; but I did find out that he was ok. I checked his cell phone log and found that he called everyone but me. I did leave messages, but he wouldn't take my calls. I'm

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   mommahottnessposted 13 years ago

   Not saying what he did was right in any way. But try not to take it to personally. We all go through stuff; he is handling his in a poor manner. Not to be too cavalier but I would start selling his belongings so that you can pay those bills. Try not to resent him too much. Keep your thoughts positive and this too shall pass.
   Perhaps he was not your Soul mate and your true fine love is waiting to meet you.
   Maybe he is your Soul mate and he feels your pain right now, if so then he will come back to you. Make sure it is under your terms.
   
   Be a strong woman now and take care of the house and bills. Sell his what ever so that this can be done.
   Hugs and Hub's Prayers it works out sooner than later!

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   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   As hard as it may be for you right now the person you need to focus on is YOU. That is the only person you can control. You want to avoid the paralysis of analysis exercise. Trying to figue out why someone doesn't want to be with you is not going to move you forward. Accept that it is over. He was not "the one".
   Closure is often overrated. There is nothing your ex can say that will make you feel better about having your heart broken.
   The next step is reclaim your power over your own life. Make a plan for how you are going to deal with the bills and mortgage. You did not mention whether or not you have children. If you do this offers them a "teaching moment" with regard to how to move on after a major disappointment in life. When you need to cry or express yourself do it with your best friends, parents, or siblings but not with children.
   Unless you are open to the possibility of having a yo-yo marriage where he can come and go...there is no point in you sitting around. I would start the paperwork to free myself legally. For all you know he could be running up debts and as a married couple you are both responsible for those. You really have to look out for yourself! Let him go and move on.  I realize this will take (time) but it's the only real option you have.
   You can't make someone love you or want to stay with you who does not want to. All relationships/marriages are "at will". However what is most important for you to know is that you deserve to be with someone who does LOVE you and WANTS to be with you. Thankfully we live on a planet with 7 Billion people on it. Odds are in your favor there is  life after your ex. You just need to take things one day at a time. Best of luck!

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   IDONOposted 13 years ago

   I can only pray for you at this point but none of it may be your fault.
        You are helping others right now though by reinforcing that no matter how wonderful a relationship may be, none is bulletproof. You can have your head in the clouds but must keep your feet on the ground.
         Staying realistic in the passion of a relationship is difficult, but being naive is only setting yourself up for a bigger fall.
          Throw yourself into a relationship  99.999% but keep that .0001 as a "What if?" It could save your future and your sanity.

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