If you are divorced, should your children come before your personal life?

Jump to Last Post 1-20 of 20 discussions (20 posts)
  1. Libra Rajani profile image59
    Libra Rajaniposted 11 years ago

    If you are divorced, should your children come before your personal life?

    Some divorced adults, will not date until their children are at least teenagers. What is your view on this subject? Is it appropriate to bring another man or woman into your life when your children are young?

  2. freecampingaussie profile image58
    freecampingaussieposted 11 years ago

    I think it is really sad if you meet someone that could be right for you ,who likes you saying you are waiting till the kids are older.
    IF that person is really nice and likes your kids why not all be happy now ? They will enjoy you being happy as well as having another parent .
    Have a good babysitter and go out for dinner the 2 of you . Then when you feel he is ready invite him on a trip with the kids to a zoo or something ,see how that goes for a start .

  3. duffsmom profile image61
    duffsmomposted 11 years ago

    One's children must always come first.  That is just good parenting.  I would be very careful bringing someone home.  Introduce them slowly to the children and let the person you are dating know that your kids come first.  Yes, a divorced person has the right to a social life and the right to be happy but never at the expense of the children.

  4. profile image0
    Old Empresarioposted 11 years ago

    I think everything is ok in moderation. But if you have custody, your ex-husband pays you child support in order for you to raise his children. If you don't want to raise them, let the ex-husband raise the kids. On the other hand, it is ok to meet someone for yourself and start a relationship as long as you remember to take care of your little ones too. That is important, because as children get older they will take advantage and consume your life and use you while you remain alone in old age. The problem is so many people get so wrapped up in finding a new mate that the children take a back seat in her life. I've never seen a healthy divorce involving children. It's ugly for everyone and there's no right answer.

  5. Allen Williams profile image72
    Allen Williamsposted 11 years ago

    Without exception, your kids are the first priority.  I'm not saying that you cannot or should not find someone else to be in your life but it should never be done by pushing your kids aside.

  6. nightwork4 profile image60
    nightwork4posted 11 years ago

    yes, they should come first but at the same time you should not put your life on hold. being alone just for the kids sake is wrong. how can you be happy around your kids when inside you're lonely.

  7. jessi12 profile image59
    jessi12posted 11 years ago

    Well as a single mother I would say put your kids first and then think about a man don't sit their with out trying to find love again it might pass you up

  8. THEHuG5 profile image59
    THEHuG5posted 11 years ago

    Whether you're divorced or not your children should always come before everything.

  9. Hezmyjoy profile image60
    Hezmyjoyposted 11 years ago

    There is a responsibility when children are birthed into this world. Parents have the experience to know what to guard their children from. When priorities are realized, this question is relatively simple. However, there are those that have physical urges or egos that have to be massaged. To them, I would hope they have some sort of discipline to realize that their urges and ego are secondary (if that) to their children.

    I believe societal values have changed drastically because of this very issue. Children are learning their moral fiber from anyone who will teach them. The structure in the home isn't at all what it used to be and parents are finding out much too late that children aren't as resilient as they would like them to be.

  10. hubber088 profile image60
    hubber088posted 11 years ago

    Children should always come before your own personal life. Although many times divorce could not be avoided it's difficult for the children when their parents split up and adding a parent who cares more about their personal life makes the situation even worse!

  11. Rachelle Williams profile image91
    Rachelle Williamsposted 11 years ago

    I did not date anyone until both of my kids were grown and gone, and I would do it all over again if I had to.

  12. bharmoriat profile image46
    bharmoriatposted 11 years ago

    any person has the right to happiness in his life, but children are our responsibilty , because WE were the ones who brought them into this world. thus kids should always come first. and if the new person loves you , he must accept, every part of you. children should always come first

  13. athena2011 profile image57
    athena2011posted 11 years ago

    The short answer for me is "Yes". However, if the right man/woman came along while your kids were still living with you then, to me, that is fate.

    Hopefully this new person will be accepting of your children and not try to impose their "rule" over them. That's when problems will begin as your protective instinct will kick in and it could cause issues with your new partner.

    However, if you guys are willing to work through the issues, it is possible that everything might work out fine.

  14. profile image0
    canadianladyposted 10 years ago

    I believe, your children should be first and formost.. Why are you thinking of yourself first?  The most likely reason you got divorce was because you were not getting along with your ex. . It is not only you who have got divorced it is the whole family, your children feel the hurt also. They have to be divided between you and your ex. So my feeling is DEFINATELY THE CHILDREN COME FIRST

  15. Selamawit Ghirmai profile image53
    Selamawit Ghirmaiposted 10 years ago

    Yes! Because you have to make them happy, they are your kids don't you think about their happiness

  16. fpherj48 profile image60
    fpherj48posted 10 years ago

    Our children should come first whether we're divorced, married or have never been married.  This does not necessarily mean that parents cannot have a "personal" life.  It does, however, mean that your children are your first and foremost concern and responsibility with regard to the decisions you make in your personal life.  Do not "involve" your children with any and every person you might date or spend time with......certainly not until you have gotten to know quite a lot about them.  Even then, common sense and limitations should be used.  It may be appropriate to bring a man or woman into your life when your children are young as long as you have followed all the APPROPRIATE guidelines in raising, protecting and teaching your children. It can be a simple matter of a firm grasp on being a parent FIRST....above and beyond all else.

  17. delaneyworld profile image73
    delaneyworldposted 10 years ago

    I can only answer this for myself, but my daughter will always be my priority.  I have chosen for myself that I will not date until she has completed school.  There are many factors that have lead to that decision, but I really want to focus on her, enjoying her childhood and being there for her whenever she needs me.  I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I want my daughter to feel secure. 

    It's different for everyone and really dependent on his or her situation.  Divorce is never fun for anyone and I wish everyone the best of luck in maintaining a healthy, happy relationships as we go through such challenging changes.

  18. Rastamermaid profile image65
    Rastamermaidposted 10 years ago

    Every situation is different and people are raised with different morals and circumstances. I for one will always put my child before any relationship except the one I have with God.
    The time you have with your children is precious and brief,before you know it they'll be grown and gone.

    So get your time in while you can,it's pricless and fleeting.

  19. aygabtu profile image59
    aygabtuposted 10 years ago

    Yeah, why not, just don't rush into it.  I hate people that can't be single.  Also, if you do start dating someone, don't push or force the relationship with them and your kids.  My ex was dating some red-neck, jealous, controlling type and he had her have the kids calling him dad!  They were dating!  Luckily she got smart and eventually broke up with him.

  20. Hubpage Gal profile image57
    Hubpage Galposted 10 years ago

    Your children are your personal life so there are no prioritizing even in a divorce situation.  In fact during the divorce settlement, the courts even places the interests of the children above the requests from the divorced partners.  Children depends on their parents for support  and that is where the focus should be in a situation of divorce.  The partners' personal life non-inclusive of the children comes after the best interest of the children has been satisfied.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)