Did you wait till you found your best 'match' in a relationship or settled for what you can get?
I know this is a sensitive question, but I am curious if (as I meet many who settled for what they can get and then complain about it) rather than take some time to find our best match. Does fear of rejection, loneliness and losing out affect the speed with which we find our partner?
Waiting for my match. When you settle for less you get less than what you settled for. I think those of us who want a quality love-life and relationship aren't taking anyone but waiting for great matches. You can't be lonely if you have family or friends, you can only become lonely when you focus on what you don't have instead of celebrating the people you do have. Rejection can only bother you if you are giving someone else the permission to hurt your self-image and feelings that you have for yourself. No one has the power to do that unless you give them the power or you don't feel great about yourself to begin with.
Mine was an arranged marriage so there was no such scope to find out about our compatibility. Now, after spending 15 years with him I feel that it was a right decision that I accepted the words of my parents and all the guardians. I had a few conditions which matched while this proposal was under consideration. That was it but after marriage we found that we were poles apart. Here, our respect for marriage worked. Still, we are very different and we hardly accept each other's viewpoint but still we have found a mid way not a compromising route but a healthy approach of acceptance with love. Thus, everything goes fine. I am dead sure if I had waited to select someone by matching step by step then I don't think God would have blessed me with such a nice man who is loving, caring and understanding.
I was not interested in marriage so there was no urge within me to search for a partner rather I was extremely happy with my biological family. They only, convinced me to get married and I who never thought about marriage earlier was in deep soup. I must say that sometimes taking life casually gets paid very richly. No regrets at all.
wonderful- I also wonder how much of it is the way we are brought up and conditioned- if we are compromising, easy going, willing to encourage good and forgive the less than good, perhaps it is a great match of halves.
I would like to mention, We never compromise. Compromise gives a little dissatisfaction at the end. We differ but we accept one another's opinion willingly so we enjoy a healthy and contented relationship with full of self respect.
A 'positive compromise' is as you say rightly, the willingness to accept each other's opinions. I didn't mean it in a negative sense where we 'put up' with dissatisfaction :-)
I would say (short and sweet) that this depends on age or rather emotional maturity. When a person has not yet reached emotional independence, settling with the first physical attraction is a common tendency. Emotional independent people will wait until they find the best match. Financial dependency may also urged a person to settle with whatever they get.
I believe the vast majority of people who get married do so thinking they have met "the one" or at the very least believe with a few "tweaks" they will have a great life. Of course I'm speaking as a guy. Men and women tend to have different priorities or reasons for deciding who is "marriage material" and who is not. Awhile back there was book written for women titled: Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" Can you imagine a book like that for men?
Since the majority of men aren't in a hurry to get married nor do they have "biological clocks" nor have they been dreaming of their wedding day since they were little boys....etc It's less likely men are going to marry someone they aren't in love with. You don't see many books written for men advising them on how to get their girlfriend to commit or offering advice on how to cook the "engagement chicken dinner" and so forth.
I can't imagine knowingly marrying someone I was not "in love" with.
One man's opinion! :-)
I found far more than a 'best match', I was given a soul-mate, a life partner, the better part of me - but, I didn't have to wait . . . I met her when she was 14 and I was 15, and we've been together for nearly 45 years.
I waited for my best friend. We're not very compatible, we actually have a lot of differences but as time goes by, we realized we actually love being together, talking to each other, exchanging ideas and doing what each of us love (individually).
I guess I'm also lucky to not feel bad not having a boyfriend or lover for a long time. It gets lonely, but I always keep in mind that I'd rather be alone than be with someone who I can't connect with.
It was worth it.
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