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jump to last post 1-12 of 12 discussions (16 posts)

Do you think it is ok to be married and sleep in different beds at night?

  1. roxygurl464 profile image61
    roxygurl464posted 5 years ago

    Do you think it is ok to be married and sleep in different beds at night?

  2. Lady Summerset profile image77
    Lady Summersetposted 5 years ago

    Wow, I've heard of this happening to a lot of couples.  For some, it's health reasons, others their partner snores, and another group the couple has different work schedules.  Personally, I would carefully look at the dynamics of the couple if there isn't a viable explanation.  This is the last group and I've found more than likely it is a signal that the couple is growing apart unless it is a mutual agreement and couple maintains closeness outside of the bedroom.  Now, I'm assuming we are talking SEPARATE beds NOT BEDROOMS! wink

  3. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 5 years ago

    It depends. If the intimacy is still there I don't see a problem. Sometimes couples just can't sleep together because of snoring, health problems. etc. As I said as long as the Love and intimacy are still there it's okay. If not? There's a problem.

    1. roxygurl464 profile image61
      roxygurl464posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I agree.  I was  asking this question because my parents don't sleep in the same room at night.  I really don't want to ask them about their "intimacy status". I just thought it was odd, but I guess you're right, if it works for them, it's ok.

    2. profile image0
      JThomp42posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      LOL I wouldn't feel comfortable asking that question either roxy.

  4. NikiDiva profile image61
    NikiDivaposted 5 years ago

    That would seem like an odd thing to do but it may not be so bad. There may be comfort issues

    1. roxygurl464 profile image61
      roxygurl464posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That's one possibility!  Thanks for the answer!

  5. duffsmom profile image61
    duffsmomposted 5 years ago

    There are a lot of factors to consider.  As JThomp42 says, if the intimacy is there, then there may be no problem.  Many people are restless sleepers and can really disrupt the sleep of their spouse. So separate beds might be a good thing so everyone rests.

    1. roxygurl464 profile image61
      roxygurl464posted 5 years agoin reply to this

      True, I guess that could be it.  Again, I REALLY don't want to know how "intimate" my parents are!  Thanks for the answer!

  6. nightwork4 profile image59
    nightwork4posted 5 years ago

    i think it's ok but not something i would do with my wife. i know older couples that do that and i never understood why. then again i never asked them why. to me being close to your mate in bed is one of the joys of having someone.

  7. junkseller profile image84
    junksellerposted 5 years ago

    I have a friend who has been married for about 10 years now, and they not only sleep in different beds, they maintain separate bedrooms. They just both like to have their own space. I don't know that they don't ever sleep in the same bed, but it is what works for them.

    I think I'd be the same way. I have just never really had any interest in sharing a bed with someone. It is a specific and particular type of intimacy. Some people want it and others don't. As long as it works for both people it should be fine.

    It could also, as others have noted, simply be an issue of comfort. Some people have a hard time sleeping. I am one of them. For me to sleep, I have to have very specific levels of noise, temperature, light, etc. Even small variations can keep me up all night. Perhaps they just couldn't find a happy medium.

    It probably wouldn't hurt to ask her about it. Maybe it is an issue for her and a friendly ear would be a nice thing.

  8. DDE profile image24
    DDEposted 5 years ago

    I  don't think so, if a couple is married they should sleep in the same beds  it is a way of being close to your partner no matter what age

  9. Lisa HW profile image71
    Lisa HWposted 5 years ago

    I think whatever works for people, and as long as both are happy with whatever they do or don't do is OK.   I've known a couple of people who, after being married for years and years, switched. If you think about, imagine what it must be liked to to never EVER have your own sleeping space for - like - 50 years; and to be looking at, maybe another couple of decades of life STILL without ever having the simple thing of a little sleeping space of one's own!!!   No matter how in love, or not in love, people are; there are people for whom a little space is just important.  From what I understand, even people in prison get a little cot of their own to sleep on  - and yet Aunt Mary and Uncle Stan are sentenced to life without ever having their own sleeping space!   That's just not right.            (lol)   (Closeness, schmoseness - some people like a little breathing space if they aren't to feel completely suffocated to death by "closeness".   (lol)  )

  10. lburmaster profile image82
    lburmasterposted 5 years ago

    I think it is odd and definately a "space" in the relationship. My partner and I cannot sleep when touching each other in the bed. If we touch in the middle of the night, we both wake up instantly. It is irritating and harms our sleep. So we just put a giant pillow in between us. This way we can sleep together and feel together.

  11. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    I believe every married couple gets to set up their own life-style arrangements. As long as both people are happy with how they are living that is all that matters. In my own life I would rather sleep in the same bed with my wife.
    Sometimes loud snoring can be an issue for some couples or some people love take over the whole bed and sleep in various positions. Other times you might have situation where one person is a "night owl" and the other person likes to hit the hay early. Rather than waking up the sleeping person with watching television or reading a book with the light on It might be easier for them to enjoy the freedom of going to bed whenever they want to without bothering one another. Lastly you can't ignore there a millions of "sexless marriages". These couples are basically roommates with the same last name. I also know of a couple where one of them cheated in the marriage and although they decided to stay "together" it was the end of sharing the same bed.

  12. jlpark profile image86
    jlparkposted 5 years ago

    What ever works for them.  If it's separate bedrooms, it might be putting a little spice into things - it could be like "sleeping over" when they meet up for...intimate relations (in case some young eyes are reading...)...then slinking back off to their own room - might make it as exciting as it was when they were teenagers!

    I can't see it happening for myself, and I wouldn't want it to.  I do have Restless Limb Syndrome (thankfully, currently, without the PLMD) - so I'd understand if my wife wanted a bed to herself on occasion, particularly if I managed to have Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD) as well...thankfully not at present.

    I personally like waking up to my wifey in the morning, but when one of us is sick - snoring is always a problem for sleeping.  That could be the only reason that anyone moves out of a bed...or the other half kicks/farts/shouts/snores etc.

    As long as both parties are happy - each to their own.