Is it normal to ask your other half for everything that you do?

1. 86

   snobletposted 12 years ago

   Is it normal to ask your other half for everything that you do?
   
   I just want to know if its normal to keep asking your husband or wife with almost everything like if you want to buy something, want to go out somewhere, change something, etc... It is because my co workers kept telling me why do I need to ask my husband when I need to buy something when I am also working.

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2. 81

   DreamerMegposted 12 years ago

   It depends. If you want to buy something for the house, like a sofa or a table, then, yes, you both have to live with it, it's quite a large expenditure, so yes, it needs to be by joint agreement. That also applies to going out together. You both have to like going there if you are both to go together.
   
   If it's something just for you, like clothing, then, if you have sufficient money - go ahead and buy it.
   
   I suppose I am saying that if you both have to "live" with something or it's a big amount out of your joint budget, then it needs to be by agreement (NOT seeking "permission"). If it's something that you want and it's within your budget - then just do it.
   
   Does your husband ask you if he wants to buy something for himself or the house? Does he seek agreement on joint requirements? Does he have a budget for things that he wants and does he stick to it? If he buys big things or things for the house without consulting you, then ask yourself if yours is an equal partnership. Do you want it to be? Maybe you prefer having him make the decisions?
   I know one elderly lady who said that she always got her husband, as head of the house, to make decisions. Then, she said, she couldn't be blamed if it turned out wrong!

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   1. 86

      snobletposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      To answer your questions, yes. We always seek each others advice may it be electronics that my husband likes to buy or clothing that I want to buy. We have a joint account and we always watch our spending. Hence I am wondering if its normal.

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      DreamerMegposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Then, from your comment about your husband consulting you too, it seems that you have a very close partnership and this is what you both enjoy doing. That's great - long may it continue for you both.

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3. 70

   Woody Marxposted 12 years ago

   It depends on whether you are a man or a woman. 
   
   In my narrow and limited experience in 'the battle of the sexes', as I believe James Thurber referred to it in his numerous cartoons on the subject, men are noble creatures who strive to do the right thing, but rarely do they know what the right thing is without the 'better half' informing them of just what that is.
   
   Women are the most mysterious of God's creations, and by-and-large far more intelligent than their counterparts, but they are smart enough never to let-on that this is in fact the case.  Men are permitted to play the part of Captain of the Ship, so long as they don't actually believe they really are.
   
   Personally I always bow to the advice of a woman, unless I'm in a particularly hallucinatory mood and want to pretend I actually know the right thing to do, in which case I will be corrected sooner or later.
   
   It's a nice, balanced world if men do not forget that simple fact.

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      DreamerMegposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      LOL - you've caught on to us!

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   2. 86

      snobletposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This is so true.. There is this saying " in every man's success there is always a woman behind it". So yeah, its not actually bad to compromise to each others decisions. After all, we are husbands and wives.. lol

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      laidbackladyposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! Talk about laying it on with a trowel! I bet the ladies love having you around! Nicely written...

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4. 73

   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   It really does depend on a couple of things. 1. Do you have separate accounts or is this money coming out of a joint account used to pay bills. 2. What is the dollar amount of the purchase and will it impact the marriage/family in a major way.
   Genearlly speaking you don't want to show up with a new car or truck without telling your spouse. A marriage is a team.
   Too much thinking along the lines of "You & Me" instead of "Us & We" usually spells trouble in a marriage. Making big purchase decisions or keeping secrets from one another can lead to problems.
   Marriage is a choice. If one hates the thought of taking another person into consideration then they are probably better off staying single.

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   1. 86

      snobletposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hmmm, I always ask my other half for almost everything that I do, and sometimes forget that others don't do it like my co workers. So I guess it is normal, its just a matter of who takes the other half into consideration in their decisions.

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5. 57

   jdruryposted 12 years ago

   I agree with what's being said, if it's a big purchase or something that will effect both of you then it's good to check with your spouse.
   
   As for everything else I guess the main question is: does it bother you?   If you feel like you have to ask permission for every little thing then it could lead to feelings of resentment or dependency.  You are after all an adult capable of making your own decisions.  But if it doesn't bother you (and maybe you feel like you're just being courteous) then I say go for it and who cares what your co-workers think.  As long as you're comfortable with the way things work then that's all that matters.  Maybe you need to remind them that what is right for one person (or one relationship) isn't necessarily right for another and this is what works for you.

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      snobletposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Right. I am the type of person that thinks a lot of what people tell me, hence I always feel hurt if something bad is said or think I am not normal for asking my hubby for about every single decision I make.

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6. 89

   Millionaire Tipsposted 12 years ago

   I don't think you should let others dictate how your relationship works with your spouse.  If something is working for you, you should continue to do that, no matter what the others think.
   
   I think it depends on how you are asking.  Are you asking for permission?  If he says no, and you really want that thing, what happens? Can you convince him, or do you have to do without?  Does he say no unfairly?  Does he ask you when he wants to do something.
   
   To me, it is more about fairness, making informed decisions as a couple.  If that is your purpose, then you should definitely continue doing that. 
   
   If on the other hand, he always gets his way and you are being subservient, then I would say you might want to change some things.

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7. 85

   krillcoposted 12 years ago

   Normal as in: do many people do this? Yes. Normal as in: a healthy way to engage in relationship? No.
   
   "Enmeshment' or 'gridlock' is when we become emotional siamese-twins with our partners. It is always unhealthy, because it encourages us to begin to equate their validation with love and support. It is not. True intimacy is something far more sublime, and is achieved not by such 'up their butt-ness' but by a combined balance of autonomy and intimacy.
   
   In practical terms, yse, it's good to check in with your partner on issues of money (since you share the same bank roll) and your whereabouts (that is just a courtesy and safe).

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   1. 86

      snobletposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      The practical terms are what i feel but i always get questioned about it for some reason

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8. 60

   kellyteamposted 12 years ago

   In my humble opinion, you are doing the right thing. Just know this should be a two way street, he should be asking you as well. Not so much for permission, unless its a large purchase or big decision, but out of courtesy to one another. I think this fits into the "becoming one flesh" part of marriage. You need to be sure that what you are planning on buying, or where you want to go is an agreeable decision. Also, it could interfere with plans the other may have made for you. Just added that after hearing a friend of mine telling me how much work it was getting her husband to his surprise birthday party.

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9. 72

   samnashyposted 12 years ago

   What do you think?  How does it make you feel?  Never mind anyone else.  I don't think there's anything wrong so long as you have the freedom to do things or say things on your own, without asking if you choose to.  If there's no intimidation or fear then I can't see there is a problem, so long as you are happy.

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