What is some great advise of knowing when and when not to call a marriage quits?

1. 70

   mommyneal6posted 11 years ago

   What is some great advise of knowing when and when not to call a marriage quits?
   
   4 children are involved but see the issues that the parents are having. No cheating is involved just mental abuse if u will. The wife has wanted to call it quits for 2 years but the husband isn't ready to call it quits but won't change. Please no religious answers, just real life advise. Thanks!

   replyreport
2. 77

   Mom Katposted 11 years ago

   I was in an 8 year verbally and emotionally abusive relationship with a man who was the father of 3 of my 5 (at the time) children.
   I wanted to get couples therapy or figure out some way to make it work.  He refused.
   
   I saw what it was doing to the children.
   I didn't want them thinking this was the way it was supposed to be.
   I wanted my sons to respect their women & my daughters to respect themselves & find men who would treat them right.
   
   I ended that relationship.  He didn't want me to, but I did it anyway.  Tough noogies for him; he should have treated me better before I tossed his hinder out on the street.
   
   So I guess what you have to ask yourself is this : is this the kind of relationship you want your children to grow up and have?  Is this the "normal" you want them to get imprinted in their minds?  ~ if not, leave!  kick him out, end it, whatever you have to do.  The safety of the children - including their mental stability - are at risk in a situation like this.  If you aren't strong enough to take a stand for yourself, do it for them.  They deserve to know what real love, trust, honor, and respect look like.

   replyreport
   1. 70

      mommyneal6posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank u very much! Exactly what I was looking for!

      replyreport
3. 92

   missa72542posted 11 years ago

   Mom Kat pretty much covered most of what I was going to say. lol
   
   I was in a marriage and no children were involved, however I just wasn't happy. I sort of have this thought process that goes through my head... "Am I really thinking about leaving this person? Is it a serious consideration?" and if I can answer yes to those questions, then I probably wont be happy with that person in the future.
   
   I find that if I even start to think about leaving someone, then that thought is never going to leave my head and I will never be truly happy.
   
   However, if children were involved I would think differently. I would ask myself: "Why am I not happy? What is best for the children? and How can I make the situation better for everybody?" in a situation with children, you want to at least make an effort to make things work. But if the partner is abusive (verbally or physically) and is not willing to change, then it is probably best to move on and save your children from seeing that sort of relationship, just as Mom Kat described.
   
   But I'm still very young, you can take my opinion however you wish

   replyreport
4. 0

   jcheng16posted 11 years ago

   a lot of times having children complicates the situation in terms of leaving or not. people often times want to keep the family together and don't want their children to see them break apart. however, if there is mental abuse or her heart isn't truly in the marriage then it is time to call it quits. would she really want her children to grow up thinking it's okay to be in a marriage that no longer involves love, or that it is okay for them to be mentally abused when they get married because they saw it happen growing up? often times people forget what it really means to be in a marriage it means you have completely committed your  heart and soul to another person, but once that is gone the marriage loses all meaning and even if on paper it is still valid in reality its not. ending a marriage isn't any different from breaking up a relationship except for the legal binding aspects, however just like a break up it can't always be mutual someone has to be stronger and walk away before everything is truly lost. before she loses sight of herself, and possibly her children's perception on love and marriage. it is hard to admit but sometimes people can't change or haven't been pushed far enough to change, if two people were really meant to be together even if they separate for a while they will meet again under different circumstances. but being together when your heart isn't in it isn't helping anyone, including your family.

   replyreport
5. 86

   SidKempposted 10 years ago

   I would encourage anyone in this situation to read The Five Love Languages and the Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman. (I've written hubs on both.) In 30 years of relationship and marriage coaching, these are the easiest and most powerful tools I've found. I would take them for a spin before making the decision for divorce.

   replyreport