Is it fair to hurt your boyfriend or girlfriend just because you are hurting?

1. 81

   Stina Caxeposted 11 years ago

   Is it fair to hurt your boyfriend or girlfriend just because you are hurting?
   
   Sometimes when I am upset I can get a little crabby or pouty with my boyfriend, but I am quick to apologize and I never intentionally try to hurt someone else just because I am angry.  Is it fair to let your loved one hurt because you are hurting?

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2. 0

   Cookie Monster 2posted 11 years ago

   its difficult to answer because it would be easy to say you should never hurt the people you care about regardless if its family, loved ones or friends, but if your angery or upset these are the people you tend to let fly at and sometimes you end up saying things you dont mean, its our way of dealing with things, if we are hurting then the people closest should feel the same, it is wrong but you just need to keep hoping that family, loved ones and your friends understand how you feel, and support you, i know this is easy to say but mabye talk to a family member or friend tell them whats hurting or upsetting you, as you dont want to end up loosing the people that mean the most to you, learning from experiance tells me giving advice is far easier than actally taking advice.
   hope this helps you
   Kind regards CM

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   1. 81

      Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I try to hide it the best I can when I am upset.  Sometimes I will vent but I never make things seem like as big of a deal as they are because I don't want people who care about me to hurt.

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   2. 0

      Cookie Monster 2posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I used to be really good a hiding how I feel, but last few months found myself being very low and venting at the wrong people, witch in turn has made me very emotional, it's difficult to break that cycle one it starts

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3. 82

   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   I never understood why people want others to be unhappy or in a bad mood simply because they aren't feeling good, Maybe it's true what they say; (Misery loves company). I've actually dumped women who have done this on a regular basis in the past. 
   The best thing to do is simply let your mate know you're not feeling good and then do things that usually put you in a good mood.

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   1. 81

      Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yeah, I agree.  When I am stressed or unhappy I just try to look at the positive things in my life.  It's hard sometimes because I do have to fave a lot of negativity, but the last thing I want is to make other people really suffer just because I am.

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4. 43

   unknown spyposted 11 years ago

   i think we're in the same track. When I get angry or upset, I used to hurt my bf's feelings too. its like 'im hurting, you should be hurting too!'.. but at the end, you apologize and realized that you shouldnt have done this. so many times i did hurt him but he never hurt me not once just because he's angry or upset. so i used to stay away from people, shut my mouth and let the moment pass.

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   1. 81

      Stina Caxeposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think for me what hurts the most is when someone I care about withdraws because they are unhappy.  All I want to do is help make them feel better and it makes me feel useless when they don't let me.

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5. 89

   Theophanesposted 11 years ago

   Hurting people when you're hurting (regardless if it is a romantic relationship or otherwise) is going to build a foundation of pain and distrust. It's not healthy. When I am in a sour mood I cut myself off from people until I calm down. There's no reason why some poor passerby should be sucked into my storm cloud. I guess a lot of people let their emotions get the better of them and fight and say things they regret. I don't let it get to that point.... I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We've had one fight - about dog poop in the yard - and neither of us said anything that actually hurt the other one. We just strongly disagreed with each other's stance on the issue. Later that day it just became funny as he asked around about dog poop in the yard and pretty much everyone agreed with me... if you have a dog it's an inevitability! I think people who are unable to maintain this sort of peaceful existence with their mate of choice is probably poorly matched to begin with.

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6. 54

   abbykorinneleeposted 11 years ago

   First and foremost if you are hurting, and you know how it feels, why would want to or how could you actually hurt them back?  So no, its not fair and its actually a very negative personality trait.  Its understandable to be hurt and feel like revenge is the only answer but truth be told that isn't going to make the pain better.  Misery does love company and I hate that people do that to others because what would put someone above others is to react above what they have done to you.  Time heals the hurts that happened to a person.  Its understandable to want him to know how you feel but you can't force anyone to listen to you.  If its not intentional and you did something to hurt them back than its something you should apologize for and explain why and be more aware of it in the future.  If you love him and he loves you than he will forgive you and you will make an effort not to hurt him.  Love isn't easy and relationships aren't about those fuzzy wuzzy moments.

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7. 60

   techapposted 11 years ago

   Just not fair. It is like if you are having Aids, you want to spread it all over who so ever you know anyhow.

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