Is it worthwhile calling up an ex to discuss feelings about them you can't resol

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   stricktlydatingposted 12 years ago

   Is it worthwhile calling up an ex to discuss feelings about them you can't resolve?
   
   When you feel like you can't move forward, completely get over something that happened with an old relationship, will contacting that ex help to resolve the feelings or just make things worse?
   
   

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   koerakoonlaneposted 12 years ago

   It will make things worse - it's taking the same path you have once walked before. There's a reason why you couldn't be with that person and hoping that after you have lived through something he would also be different is not very reasonable.
   
   For support, you have first your family and then your friends. If you have suffered from another bad relationship, then instead of taking two steps back, try to make one step forward and look at the big picture. It happens just so often that we choose similar people for romantic relationships. "Choosing" is not a good word, because it's not a calculated decision, but after getting burned a few times, it's time to try and choose a bit. So no, you definitely shouldn't go back (and not even contact) your ex - the problems you used to have will still be there. People don't change! Even if a person might evolve in time, the things that made you say one day "I can't be with you anymore", never change.

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      stricktlydatingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Fantastic advice thanks!

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   jennshealthstoreposted 12 years ago

   I know it is so hard when you have built up emotions inside that you just want to get out. I have been in this place before and at the moment I just felt that if I let it all out and let him know how I felt that everything would be better. The fact of the matter is, if you have not started to heal yet, odds are he has not either and by calling him and telling him all of these things you will push him away further. They are trying to move on also and by not allowing space you are leaving a bad taste in their mouths. If you have built up emotions write a letter but do not send it, or use a journal to get the feelings out. If in the future after you have healed and have taken care of yourself, if you still have feelings for your ex you may try to contact them again. Still be careful not to be pushy or over emotional.

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      stricktlydatingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing your experience jenns and some good valuable advice!

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   dashingscorpioposted 12 years ago

   I suspect this (need) for “closure” is probably more common among women than men.
   Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Therefore the (real) closure in my opinion is when the individual looks back to determine why they chose their ex to begin with as well as examine the clues, signs, or red flags they chose to ignore. You can only control (your) choices or decisions. You learn from (your) mistakes not (their) mistakes.
   This need to find out (why) something happened from another person’s point of view rarely leads to a satisfactory conclusion. Most (why) questions tend to be rhetorical in nature and tend to lead to unsatisfactory resolutions because….
   
   "There is nothing your ex can say to you that will make you feel better about having your heart broken."
   
   Not long ago I had a discussion with a 30 year old woman who told me she had been emotionally “stuck” until she was able to finally talk to her ex who had moved out of town. The sad thing is this past relationship that she had allowed to hold herself back ended when she was a (15) year old girl!
   
   This reminded me of an incident that occurred at my Jr. High school. A 13 year old girl attempted suicide because her 14 year old boyfriend broke up with her in order to date the (new) girl at the school. I suppose most teenagers will never have the maturity to realize there are very few “life and death” decisions to make so early in a lifespan which may consist of 80 years! How does a 13 year old hold a 14 year old responsible their life? How does a 30 year old hold someone who was 15 at the time responsible for their relationships issues? Expecting someone on the “outside” of yourself to (fix) you or make you whole again is not realistic. The most important step after a breakup is (accepting) it’s over! (Move on). One man's opinion! :-) http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … andclosure

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      stricktlydatingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for commenting DashingScorpio

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   JThomp42posted 12 years ago

   In my opinion, no. You are already hurting because of the break up, being in contact with them will only prolong this hurt that you are feeling. I have come to the conclusion that cutting them off cold turkey is the best way to get over them and on with your life. Time and only time can heal theses type of wounds.

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   lburmasterposted 12 years ago

   It helps put things to rest. I did that three months before the wedding to take a great deal of stress off my shoulders. It calmed me down when I needed it and made me more comfortable in my decisions, both in the past and at that time.

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      stricktlydatingposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing your own experience on this subject Iburmaster!

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