What would you tell someone who's about to get married about the union?
The union should be your haven. When all else in the world falls apart, or frustrates you, or hurts you, your mate should be your soft place to fall. And if he or she isn't, really think long and hard before marrying.
There is a saying that marriage is 50/50. This is not true. Marriage is 100% all in. You have to plan to give 100%, knowing that the other will not always do so. And they will need to do the same. Always be the spouse you'd want. Husbands should love their wives as themselves and be willing to lay their lives down for them.
I like your statement. "Always be the spouse you'd want."
I agree,, you do have to give 100% or it won't work.
Lisasuniquevoice, you make marriage sounds harder than working life!!!
Walter, the challenge comes when people think that marriage doesn't require work. Working at something worthwhile is not a bad thing. What of any value comes without work.
Note: There is a difference between work and a "labor of love". Work is something you have to do in order to live. A labor of love is work you choose to nurture or maintain. Marriage and family are choices. It's a labor of love to take care of wants.
I agree with everything duffsmom says! The safest, most wonderful, most edifying relationship you have should be the one you have with your spouse. You should be able to comfort each other, nurse each other in bad health, and never turn your back on each other, no matter the circumstances. I'll be a little more blunt than duffsmom here in the end though. If you can't see it in yourself to be that person to your spouse, do not do it. Period. Contrary to popular opinion, you don't just 'get a divorce' if things don't work out. That's not what marriage was intended to become. There's one way out of a marriage, IMO, and that's in a pine box.
In short, if you cannot give your entire life to your partner, and reasonably expect the same gift from them, don't make the vows that say you can.
IMO there are always "deal breakers". If one's mate becomes verbal/physical abusive, puts you at risk for STDs/Aids by cheating, or allows addictions to tear down the family fabric, remember you are NOT "stuck" with anyone! Divorce means a new start.
I don't disagree DS. These things need to be openly addressed before marriage. That's what I mean by saying if you can't give your entire life and 'reasonably' expect the same from them - don't make the vows.
M2C, I was basically saying sometimes unforeseen things happen (after) one gets married. In the situations I described no one should feel obligated to stay in an abusive marriage for the sake of their vows. Are there exceptions to your "pine box"?
Believing marriage will last forever is the way to go when you're going to tie the knot. But, it's also true that people can change and if the change is too much for you to handle you do have to get out.
lisasuniquevoice, I've never heard of anyone thinking about divorce on their wedding day. :-)
I agree with the teachings of my Church on this one, DS. The three A's are exceptions. Addiction, Abuse, and Adultery. With the exception of abuse, however, I believe it's possible to overcome the other two.
The wedding is just one day. Marriage is for life. (If you're lucky).
Make sure you have had some serious discussions about marital goals to determine if you are on the same page. Don't assume things will "work themselves out". Flying by the seat of your pants is a recipe for disaster. He who fails to plan, plans to fail.
In my opinion the number one cause for divorce is and always has been (selecting the wrong mate) for one's self. Make sure you know what (you) want and need in order to determine if he or she is "the one". Last but not least make sure they see you as being "the one" and not someone they settled for. "Cold feet'" means there is a red flag. Don't ignore "red flags" or "gut instincts".
Consider strengthening the bond by being married in a Catholic Church by a Priest as two practicing Catholics so it is sacramental in nature.
I guess getting married in a Catholic church is good for Catholics, but what about everyone else?
Thank you for your comment.
I apologize it was not my intent that it was only good for Catholics. It is good for everyone to have this Sacrament provide needed strength for maintaining the union...
Lisasuniquevoice, connorj was referring to Catholics. Other religious followers will go to their respective place of worship. And an atheist would probably go to the science laboratory.
What would you tell someone who's about to get married about the union? Emmmmmm.... "Marriage is like a fortress besieged: those who are outside want to get in, and those who are inside want to get out." Oooophhhhs, I better keep my mouth shut.
The day you stop being lovers is the day your marriage ends.
The same holds true for the day you start thinking of me rather than we.
I would tell them every relationship has boundaries, rules, and even regulations. A good marriage is staying within bounds, playing by the rules, and recognizing the regulations. Communication is very important in any relationship, but even with communication there will be some very tough situations. Kind of like you had with your parents growing up, there will be some things you do not want the other spouse to know. But you know it will come out. Talk things out. Know your relationship rules, and know both of you know them. The vows and so forth are the regulations, everyone has to adhere to those. Staying within bounds and playing by the rules are the most important things to do in a marriage.
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