What would you suggest to a person dating someone who is separated from their spouse?
Personally, I would run screaming. Ann Landers once said if you don't want to be accused of killing a marriage, don't get caught near the corpse.
So often, separated people return to their spouses. Also, that is cheating; if they'll do it with their spouses, they'll do it to you as well.
love the quote. I think of it as a 3rd un-cast actor who influences the whole play.The 3rd actor in my life destroyed everything I held dear, negatively influenced our children's lives, caused great heartache to many. If she hadn't joined the play..?
You have to be more specific; Recently separated?
I would suggest not talking about it, unless they do. Never let them think you will abandon them. They will be careful while dating you, they don't want to get hurt again. Make them comfortable, and make them realize they've made a right choice about dating you.
Make sure they are really separated, have their own place and have every intention of leaving their spouse for good before getting too emotionally or physically involved. It's tough to know this because a man can easily handle a double life, have an apt somewhere and go home to his spouse when you aren't there. Just be careful. There is no real way to tell. But I'd check for a landline phone, see if he has another cell phone (one for the place you see him in and one for his other life w/spouse).
Are they asking you for advice or are you simply a "concerned" friend looking to give them your (unsolicited) opinion? If it is the latter odds are your friend is not going to listen to you either way.
Having said that it depends a lot on what your friend is (looking) for in the relationship as well as the type of separation the person they are dating has. I once dated a woman who had been separated from her husband for 20 years and they lived in different states. Since I had no intentions of getting married it did not matter to me that she was not "legally free". Some unhappy couples never file for divorce.
Naturally the worse case scenario is for your friend to become emotionally involved only to learn the person they're seeing is playing them for a fool because he or she really isn't separated or they decide to reconcile instead of going through with the divorce.
Truth be told there have been couples who went through a divorce and still got back together. Dating and Relationships are always a gamble. I generally tell people:
(Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself). Never ignore "red flags". It also matters which party wanted out of the marriage. If you're seeing the one who wanted to stay married then odds are they are only one phone call away from running back "home".
If something doesn't feel right (to you) then it's probably not right for you. Everyone is entitled to have their own "deal breakers". Personally speaking I began dating while separated during my first marriage. Our divorce wasn't final for at least a year. Divorce usually begins mentally and emotionally followed by physical separation months and years before a decree is (finalized). I've been on both sides of this issue and in my experience nothing tragic happened.
No one ever wants to be so direct , so honest and say , " why don't you find closure for one affair before you begin another "! In other words , stop following your hormones and use your head .....uh no that one !
I think the question was regarding giving advice to the (single) person who is dating the married but separated person. A single person is not need of closure. Even those fresh from a breakup need only accept it's over! Closure is overrated.
don't - period end of story - It isn't fair to anyone concerned, especially the spouse from whom the person separated - horrible - just don't
I agree with you; I am married and have been for 16 years, my husband went to off to treatment in May and then went straight to a sober house. He says he isn't coming back and wants a divorce. He has been hanging with a girl from AA and says they f
Until the divorce is final, this person is married whether they are separated or not. Dating someone else's spouse is low. I would suggest backing off and out of the relationship until the divorce is final. And if the person wants a divorce they will get it--don't accept excuses like kids, money, time or whatever as reasons for not getting the divorce.
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