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Is it alright in a marriage for one spouse to let themselves go?

  1. dawnM profile image67
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    when you get married isn't it a moral obligation to your spouse to at least try to take care of yourself: dress, diet, exercise, making an effort to look good?

    1. thooghun profile image81
      thooghunposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I wouldn't go as far as calling it a moral obligation, but I agree that if you have no self-respect how could you possibly be prepared to love another fully?

      I'll go an extra length to do all of the above for my partner, but unless you do them for yourself too, and believe in what are you doing, it won't get you very far.

    2. flounderingsahm profile image72
      flounderingsahmposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I think the issue comes into play when one 'partner' is the only one taking care of the rest of the family.  There is no time for that person to take care of themselves.

    3. AEvans profile image80
      AEvansposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      It isn't a moral obligation but a person should look good for their spouse. Just because someone gets married is not a certificate that says " hey it is o.k. to let yourself go." smile

      It is called respect, let him know how you feel and maybe start walking with him get into a routine together. smile

    4. rebekahELLE profile image87
      rebekahELLEposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I don't see it as a moral obligation. individuals should want to stay healthy first and foremost for themselves. when partners start letting themselves go, it could be more of a signal that something is missing from the relationship. have you talked with him about how you feel?

    5. LindaSusan profile image56
      LindaSusanposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I think moral obligation is kind of strong. But I do believe it's good for the relationship when both strive to be their best at whatever age. Unfortunately things sometimes happen beyond our control. It's the person of morality, ethics, and substance that will stand by their spouse.

  2. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 7 years ago

    well you should really be doing it for yourself first...always..

    and not because someone wants you to or tells you to...I'm only obligated to me...

  3. Misha profile image73
    Mishaposted 7 years ago

    Judging buy your questions, you seem to be quite unhappy...

  4. Rafini profile image88
    Rafiniposted 7 years ago

    who says the 'one spouse' let themselves go?  maybe they had no control over it.  why would I do something for a spouse that I wouldn't do for myself?  I mean...wouldn't it be more important for me to take care of myself for me than for my spouse?  huh, it makes me wonder if maybe this wasn't the spouse's idea in the first place....

    nope, never mind.  I'm having a rough week and trying to sort through it.

  5. donotfear profile image87
    donotfearposted 7 years ago

    It not only should be done out of respect for your spouse, but for self-respect as well.  When one allows themself to become run-down & let there personal appearance & hygeine go, it certainly would feed the fire for lack of self-worth, wouldn't you say?

  6. dawnM profile image67
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    good information, I stated the question because I work take care of my kids and cook and take care of myself.  My husband on the other hand has managed to gain 50 pounds since we have been married and he didn't have the children.  So isn't it a moral obligation in a marriage to be healty for your spouse because in the end if they get sick from not taking care of themselves then the other spouse is left to take care of them.

  7. Beth100 profile image75
    Beth100posted 7 years ago

    First and foremost, the reason for being physically, mentally and emotionally fit should always be for yourself for the good of your own health.  If the other is not motivated, then there is not much you can do other than nag or change the lifestyle at home.  Ultimately, the other spouse is responsible for him/herself.

  8. Greek One profile image74
    Greek Oneposted 7 years ago

    yes.. it is the woman's obligation

    As a man, I was smart enough to let myself go years before i got married, so I wouldn't have to face this issue

  9. dawnM profile image67
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    very funny Greek One, but there is something to be said for that.  If you marry someone who does not care about their health than you chose them that way and you have no right to ask them to change.  This is not true of the other way around but Beth correct too, it is impossible to change someone else and as for me I will continue to get up in the mornings and run because at least one of us has to be there for the kids when they get older!!!

    1. Greek One profile image74
      Greek Oneposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      the beauty of youth will fade...

      before I got married I assumed my wife could very well turn hideous eventually, and I asked myself would i still love her?

      The answer was yes, so I put a ring on her finger

      1. Beth100 profile image75
        Beth100posted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Beauty is more than physical appearance.  Youth is an attitude and a mindset.  You can be 18 and be as old 89 if you believe you are old.  On the other hand, I have met many 80 year olds who are alive inside and feel like they are in their 20s.

        1. Greek One profile image74
          Greek Oneposted 7 years agoin reply to this

          exactly... ones physical beauty can fade or be 'let go', but they can still be beautiful.

          If you marry for the physical aspect, you will most likely be disappointed eventually

      2. LindaSusan profile image56
        LindaSusanposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Great for you Geek! A man of substance, in a world with so many sleaze bags. Lucky lady you're married to.

    2. Beth100 profile image75
      Beth100posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Not only for that reason but also because as adults, we much teach our children through example.  What they see is what they will emulate.  If  you're looking after yourself physically, mentally and emotionally, they will learn that it is necessary elements for a full and peaceful life.  Teach by example and honestly, the apply doesn't fall far from the tree.

  10. Beth100 profile image75
    Beth100posted 7 years ago

    Yes, exactly Greek One.  Your wife is one lucky lady!

  11. dawnM profile image67
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    the beauty is not the issue per say, when you marry a person who hold the same value of physical health and fitness with you and then abondons that it changes the dyamics of the marriage.  Alomst like you bth being the same religion and then changing it through the marriage, if that makes sense?

  12. glenn wallace profile image75
    glenn wallaceposted 7 years ago

    Like a lot of previous answers mentioned, it's not always a choice to 'let yourself go.'
    Having a baby comes to mind as a natural occurrence in many relationships that can dramatically change a woman's body.
    And of course, once you're caring for a child, it's not always easy to get to the gym.
    Disease also comes to mind.

    As for just letting your looks go because you've landed a mate and don't feel you have to care anymore ... that would only be OK as long as your significant other didn't mind as well. Otherwise it's just taking their feelings for granted.

  13. dawnM profile image67
    dawnMposted 7 years ago

    I alway get inspired when I go out for a run in the morning and I see a mom with kids on a bike riding while she is running or I see her pushing that stroller while she is running.  I think that those mom's are amazing.

  14. Shadesbreath profile image85
    Shadesbreathposted 7 years ago

    I let myself go and man, it was so much easier than the alternative.  All that exercise and watching calories was a real chore.  Easier to just shove as much food and booze into my hole from the comfort of my Lay-Z-Boy than work out, AND more fun.

    My wife tried to escape, but I caught her and chained her to the floor. From then on, we were inseperable. So, it can work.

    http://i660.photobucket.com/albums/uu326/megdays/Star%20Wars/Star-Wars-Jabba-the-Hutt_l.jpgMy wife and I, going strong for years.

  15. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 7 years ago

    ...yup...what's the question?  we get along just fine...and switch roles of responsibility every now and then...you know he handles responsibility for the bills...and i go shopping...he does the dishes and cooks....me, I'm on HP....stuff like that...

    and we have lots of 'sweet nothings' to say to each other everyday...i think that's the trick for us anyway....and we both like pink!


  16. mega1 profile image79
    mega1posted 7 years ago

    Go ahead, let yourself go!  You can always find another mate, maybe the next one will be 10 years younger, own several houses, and his own business and will want you as his trophy wife!  If you are beginning to look like your overweight, hirsute mother, that's ok - there's probably someone out there who likes that look and will take care of you for the rest of your life when you can no longer budge from your chair.  Hopefully he'll be a good cook and have great abs!

  17. SomewayOuttaHere profile image60
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 7 years ago
  18. camlo profile image89
    camloposted 7 years ago

    One thing I know is that if you look good, you feel good. I know we're all different, but I don't understand why everyone doesn't do themselves this favour.
    You should, first and foremost, be doing it for yourself, and not your spouse.

    1. dawnM profile image67
      dawnMposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I could not agree more and who said that I was talking about me to begin with......lol

  19. zthao89 profile image53
    zthao89posted 7 years ago

    Yeah, I don't feel obligated, per say, but I do feel it would help out. But at the same time, when you're trying to upkeep yourself and your spouse is just putting you down, (Why you dressed up for? You can never lose weight?)why care anymore. Take care of yourself so that one day if the relationship doesn't work you can be single & ready to mingle!