What can you do to change a man who is addicted to flirting?
Nothing! Especially if it is not his desire to change. And, the same goes for any other person. One can make the other aware that something another does that bothers us....but, we can not make them stop.....the choice to stop becomes their own. The desire to stop an action comes from true regret of hurting another or one's self...love, respect and desired change of actions. And, then there are times the choice becomes our own....to remove our self from the constant pain the action brings. Remember, the most important things are to respect our self and others....if, others won't respect you-you must respect yourself! Life is simply too short to live in the shadow of another human being when concern, compassion and understanding are not present in a situation....not to mention respect for self and another.
Thanks Cordelia. So does it mean that one either has to learn to live with it or leave? Is it possible to even live with it without it eating you up?
This choice is truly up to you! It is a matter of respect for self....knowing and understanding who you are....what you are willing to settle for....what you are willing to compromise.....and, what you want and desire out of a relationship.
Cordelia Bay is correct, Nothing!
I have yet to meet anyone who was looking for a mate to (change) them!
People want to be loved and accepted for who they are.
If a woman does not want a man who flirts then she needs to (choose) a man who does not flirt! Whenever we try to change anyone we usually experience frustration on our part and our mate experiences resentment on their part.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships; we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.
If you can't accept a person for who they are they you have chosen the wrong mate for yourself. When it comes to relationship behavior there is no "right" or "wrong" there is only "agree" or "disagree". The goal is to find someone who (naturally agrees) with you on the major things in life. Interestingly I made this part of the theme of my book.
My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)
It's about learning to approach relationships with (complete) awareness, having (realistic) expectations, and using (self-empowerment) tools. Just as it is unrealistic to expect a cat to bark it is also unrealistic to expect your mate to change.
I have to agree with the other answers -- absolutely nothing, because one person cannot change another. You can let him know that it's a problem for you, but you can't force him to stop.
That said, you can set your own boundaries and communicate them to him. The boundary may be that you can't maintain your trust in him if he can't stop flirting, and may feel the need to end the relationship. It may simply be that you choose to do more activities without him because you don't want to see him flirt with other people.
I would suggest asking yourself why it bothers you. Does it make you feel less attractive when his attention is on someone else? Do you fear he'll cheat? Do you think it's disrespectful? The answer that best applies to you may help indicate what's lacking, and help guide you toward the boundaries and changes you need to make for yourself in order to live happy and emotionally/mentally healthy.
So in a nut shell the answer lies with me? I need to see why it bothers me and work on myself because I can only change me and not him. I think this has opened my eyes to something I had not considered before. Thanks!
Great answer! Yes, Caroline, if you can find the answers to these questions, you will know if you want this relationship to continue. May get complicated if you both have children together---if not, your decision is that much easier!
It is difficult to change a man or anyone else for that matter. He will always be that way. He is addicted so a change is not going to work
I agree with the answers already given...that was my first thought, nothing. If addicted, not much you can do. Maybe try to ignore it, if at all possible...if only flirting and nothing more. Give him some of his own medicine, see how he likes it. If nothing works... get a new man that respects you. It will be his loss. Be strong in your decisions, don't argue the point...he won't understand anyway, and don't let him manipulate you. You are right, he is wrong!
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