Should you first marry your partner and later get to know more about them?

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  1. DDE profile image25
    DDEposted 5 years ago

    Should you first marry your partner and later get to know more about them?

    You meet a woman and marry her a month later  and don't know much about her moods or habits do you think a marriage in this way  also  you are marrying this woman because  a friend encouraged the relationship thinking you would meet someone else whom they did not fancy. How would work it  out for partners who don't know much about each other?

  2. ChristinS profile image43
    ChristinSposted 5 years ago

    The two people who decided to marry will have to work through that themselves.   Is it rushed? yes, but that doesn't mean it is doomed to fail.  I would not personally marry someone I didn't know well enough again.  I did that the first time and it turned into a long, unhappy marriage - but I walked into that willingly and it was my lesson to learn.

    Everyone makes choices and they have to deal with the consequences of those decisions.  It sounds like these two people made a choice to marry each other - and that marriage is the business of the two people who entered it.  Perhaps it will last and perhaps it won't, but that should not be influenced by people outside interfering in it.

    1. sallybea profile image97
      sallybeaposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I think that marrying someone a month after you met them could be likened to a disaster waiting to happen.  I expect there is always the odd exception though!

    2. DDE profile image25
      DDEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      A marriage of this kind is full of surprises thank you for taking part in this question

  3. Danida profile image73
    Danidaposted 5 years ago

    I was once told that arranged marriages work because you barely know the person you're marrying and you learn something new about them every day, which keeps the relationship exciting.

    However, I'd rather marry someone that I know and love, because that way I'm certain that they'll care for me and love me. If I just get married on a whim I have no clue what my partner will do in the future -- I wouldn't have had enough time to study their habits.

    1. DDE profile image25
      DDEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Sometimes it is better to know  in advance who you are marrying  even though there are many surprises.

  4. Ericdierker profile image53
    Ericdierkerposted 5 years ago

    DDE I like this question because it is the heart of the matter in all marriages. I love my wife and we dated and knew each other for over two years before getting married. WOW what we have learned about each other since then. And then we keep growing and changing and having to re-learn. As long as we do it in love it is awesome. And here is a funny thing, we do not need to do it in love with each other. Just live in love.
    Sometimes I feel no spark of love for my bride. I admit it. And then when I learn something new about her -- hold on! But even in those times if I view her in love and not in a fashion looking for disfavor the new stuff is always at least OK or she owes me one. (I know love does not keep records but you know what I mean)

    So I say bravo to our newlyweds! Perhaps it will not work out. But they are giving love a chance and that is worth all the failures in the world!

    1. DDE profile image25
      DDEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Great answer and so true from you.

  5. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    Lets face it people stay married because (they) want to. You don't have to be "happy" to have a long lasting marriage.
    Awhile back I heard a young female radio host ask a woman who had been married for over 50 years; "What's the secret?" The elderly lady responded by saying, "Baby, we just stayed together."
    Maybe this couple you're talking about will adjust to one another over the years and come to accept each other's differences. Ideally you want to know if you're compatible with someone BEFORE you marry them.
    However if arranged marriages are customary in one's culture and they (agree) to following those dictates then they are living life on (their) terms.
    “Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”  - Sam Keen

    1. DDE profile image25
      DDEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Well said and thank you for answering this question in your own thoughts.

  6. duffsmom profile image60
    duffsmomposted 5 years ago

    I met my future husband, we dated, did not sleep together until we married almost 4 months later. We are still married 43 years later and adore each other.

    but, I do think we are the exception. I will admit that I had no clue he had a temper until after we married....LOL. Gee, he was always on his best behavior on dates.  It did work for us though. I was 19 and he was 21, we have two children and two grandchildren and I would be lost without him.

    But would I recommend this for everyone. No, I think you do need to know more about each other than you can learn in a few months.  My daughter dated her husband for 18 months and there were still surprises once they married.

    1. DDE profile image25
      DDEposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I agree this kind of dating does not work our for everyone thank you


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