How long does the honeymoon phase last for newly weds?
Honeymoon phases makes a relationship feel so perfect from the start but what happens when reality kicks in for arranged marriages?
The "Honeymoon phase" is usually based on eros, which is why it is a phase.
Eros is a selfish love. Think of it as lust. This is what many people begin relationships on. Mostly physical, it gives you butterflies, strong desire, all that stuff, BUT eros doesn't last forever. This is why so many end up in unhappy marriages.
Philia is choice in love. Think of it as choosing to love another person, not based on anything they give you. Like a friend. This is the kind of love a relationship should start with. If you care for someone as a friend before starting a one on one relationship with them, the eros junk doesn't mess with you.
Then there is agape. That is the strongest form of love. It is completely selfless. It has no jealousy, anger, lust, or motive. It is in-human. Very few people in the world experience it.
There is nothing wrong with eros, or having it, but it should never be the main state of love in any relationship. It is greedy and self seeking. So to answer your question, it depends on the level of love you have for that person. In most arranged marriages, you start as friends and grow to love each other where in a typical marriage, the man and woman start with lust, form a friendship, then the lust leaves. I am a firm believer in waiting for sex. This lets a friendship grow. Sex should be the icing, not the main focus. What good is a cake with no cake?
Good question... I didn't think there was a honeymoon phase in arranged marriages, but I could be wrong. I work for two couples in arranged marriages. One couple was happily married and appeared to have a strong bond, the other, couldn't stand each other.
It seems to last anywhere from a couple months to a couple of years in non-arranged marriages -- I've met people who are going on about how hard marriage is when they've been married a month :S. For arranged marriages, I'd guess that it depends very much on the couple. It does have the advantage of perhaps not having all the built-up romantic expectaton that dooms so many peeople early on. I don't know if this means there would be no honeymoon phase, or if perhaps it'd be delayed and actually take place a while after marriage. It's really hard to say on that because I have very limited experience with arranged marriages -- I only know two couples, and didn't know them early in the marriage. That said, it seemed to work exceptionally well for them -- one couple was married 53 years, the other a whopping 76 years.
While honeymoon phases feel great, it might be easy to argue that marriages collectively might do better with a grounding in reality from day one. I suppose what happens when reality does kick in depends on each individual's willingness to work on the relationship and let go of preconceived notions about "how it's supposed to be."
The "Honeymoon phase" varies from couple to couple. Ideally a couple will always have some aspects of the honeymoon phase left in their relationship.
Overall you generally see some changes when one or both people start to "relax" in the relationship and slowly stop doing things that may have caused their mate to fall in love with them. They feel "secure" enough where they don't "worry" as much about what their mate thinks or wants. They assume he or she is (not going to leave them).
Another scenario is when the couple realizes they have some major differences between them. Fights and arguments are generally about setting personal boundaries for those who come into our lives. In the beginning when we meet someone we either overlook things we disagree with or we are blinded by infatuation. Once we feel there is an emotional investment on the part of our mate that is when we're "comfortable" enough to reveal things we don't care for.
Lastly major changes in the couple's circumstances can cause an erosion of the honeymoon phase as well. (Having children, financial pressures, and friends/family can effect the length of the honeymoon phase.)
The typical "honeymoon phase" lasts 6-8 months in a new relationship. After both people reveal their "authentic selves" that is when they'll learn if they are truly right for one another. It helps to be realistic.
“Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” - Sam Keen
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Tell me about your opinion about marriage.
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