Are you comfortable with flirting? Why or why not?
Studies show that women initiate flirting 90% of the time. Although men seem to do most of the pursuing, they actually do so because they perceive that women invited their advances through flirting.
As an aside, flirtatious people have higher white blood cell counts, which improves health and immunity. Also, to be a brilliant flirt, a person needs to approach it as though they can’t fail. Flirting is all about attitude. So the questions remains, do you flirt or is flirting a no-no in your book.
Flirting is an interesting thing it shows how you are in your emotional life. Skillful or clumsy person.
I used to love flirting. Of course there's different kinds of flirting. There's flirting that's appropriate for work and for outside work. Then the outside work is also subdivided based on the situation. The wrong kind of flirting for a situation can cause major problems, some that can have long term side effects. My husband asked me once if I flirted with everyone. I answered, "You better believe it!" He laughed.
Flirting is teasing someone with the lure of sexual interest, which is why guys are interested and why the women almost always initiate it. Men want sex more than women, and he's interested and involved in the hope of sex.
Flirting with your romantic partner is fine. It can keep their interest and improve the relationship.
Teasing the partner without the intention to ever complete the action is cruelly frustrating and abusive.
Teasing strangers you won't have those relationships with is cruel and immoral.
Unfortunately, I find that I do not flirt much lest my meaning be misconstrued. However, flirting was originally intended to be a compliment. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's too bad that flirting is no longer a natural and happy activity in America,
It's a no-no in my book, for various reasons.
First of all, its primary negative quality to me is that it is usually not a serious expression of interest, but a self-gratifying desire for attention. The very reason people flirt is repulsive to me.
If someone is flirting because they are genuinely interested, then that would be fine. However, the problem is that the person with whom you are flirting never really knows if you are serious or not, because too many people flirt casually and "innocently," with NO real interest.
There are also many ways flirting could be misconstrued. In my personal experience, flirting ALWAYS sends the message of sexual availability, not just interest. Oftentimes, my friendliness is mistaken for flirting, which is then used as a basis for continued unwelcome propositions or advances, which lead to awkward conversations or strained friendships.
Probably the primary reason I dislike flirting is that too many people can use it as an excuse to "shop around" for other romantic interests, while they are in a relationship. 'Oh it was just harmless flirting, I'm not serious!" However, the one flirting is very well aware that, regardless of their intentions, the person with whom they are flirting may or may not take it as a serious advance and this could open the door for problems with their significant other.
It's all in how it's perceived; and to avoid any misunderstanding and accusation, I avoid it altogether. If I am genuinely interested in someone, I make it very clear to them through conversation and behavior, without resorting to playful flattery which may be easily misconstrued.
Ashton, I appreciate your honest feelings about flirting. I suspect that many sincere women have the same sentiment that you do. Where you and I differ is---I believe flirting need not be a form of manipulation. That idea is an American construct...
No it need not be. Unfortunately it has developed to that point, at least in my personal experience.
I hear you. Unfortunately, flirting is misconstrued in the United States. I believe women have the fear that men view it as sexual interest. Sad but true. Young men, especially, get "excited" over just about anything.
Flirting is hard for me to define. Flirting has boundaries too. I can flirt with 'some friends' spouses or significant other 'innocently' centered more on being a compliment. It is teasing, but not her . . . I am teasing him. But, never would I use that 'type' of flirt with a stranger. Especially in presence of their spouse or significant other. I would get my butt kicked Ha-Ha . . .
When and where I used to work I was one of two males (Both single) and there were nine females. I knew my place, but my cohort did not. His flirting was shunned and mine was not. It caused some challenges, so my flirting ceased to set boundaries. I took on the perspective of a eunuch in an odd sense. But, his didn't. It reached levels of sexual harassment complaints.
That experience as awareness has tempered my flirting. So, I pretty much allow her to lead the dance these days. And, I don't always like to fast dance enjoying a country two step and at times a nice waltz. I tend to stay away from the snuggled slow dances.
When I did flirt at work I always had her spouse or significant other tied into it or spoke from that perspective, so was kinda' neutral. For instance "I bet (Name) your husband, didn't want to go to work this morning after seeking you! Your hair frames your lovely face like the beauty of Athena." (wink and a 'friendly - sly' smile)
Of course there are secrets to flirting openly verbally and with body language too. Facial gestures, the eyes, and the smile have it sometimes. The simple flirts are interesting too. For instance as she walks by simply saying an enunciated 'Nice' can be very flirtatious. Or, it can set someone off too likening it to a cat-call.
So, bottom line flirting is a double edged sword. Perhaps one may say there is a healthy flirting and unhealthy. Flirting is an indication of a balanced emotional awareness of (human) sexuality. The etiquette of it definitely differs with setting, encounters, and established relationships. Flirting can be innocent of intention and can be a forward advance. Wow! Doesn't those two descriptors offers some hints . . .
You're funny, Tim. Flirting at work is pretty much taboo these days. In fact, flirting anywhere often causes communication problems. That makes me sad. That being said, I liked your comment about etiquette and "emotional awareness of human sexuality"
I like this! I was wondering how to deal with the situation when the person has a partner. I suppose I could flirt with her, too?
Nooo....don't flirt with her too. It's best to leave the couples alone, unless you know them and are pretty close with them. If they are strangers, don't go there, girlfriend.
What if I'm flirting with a guy who turns out to have a girlfriend / wife? Then what do I do?
Just let them know that you intended the flirting as a compliment---nothing more, nothing less and that you had not intended to offend. Just keep it light. You shouldn't have to walk on pins and needles.
That works. I'm thinking if I see a couple, I could smile and wink at them both? Just keep my hands off, under all circumstances; touching is a come-on.
Touching is a come-on. Please don't do that. No need to wink at couples at all. Just stick to the single guys who are age appropriate. However, you can wink and give a thumbs up to those who have just skied particularly well.
Say Yes, are you out of your mind? Married couples are off limits! What God has joined 2gether let no man put asunder (goes for women too). Respect that and find your own man! Or woman, I guess.
Relax, you guys! I'm not trying to steal anyone! There's enough to go around. I just enjoy seeing couples together, and wish to compliment them on that. I also like looking at gorgeous guys - and girls. What's wrong with that???
Say Yes, I am not judging you. My sense is that, as a young woman, you may not have been given the appreciation you deserved. Everyone appreciates beauty---even babies. That's Ok. We just have to be sensitive to people's feelings about couples.
SD - you're absolutely right! I'm from the ghetto, where the atmosphere is ugly and hostile, guys were something to be feared, and early single parenthood was the only romance. Though I left long ago, I'm still working on getting it out of me.
It's Okay, sweet Yoleen. All the crap you endured was not your fault and unfortunately, it takes a lifetime to overcome abuse. I actually give you a lot of credit. You can talk to me about anything, anytime. After all, we have an SDA connection.
Well...nothing wrong about flirting, but sometime, just because she flirt with you, don't necessary mean she likes you, guys and girls are very different.
In certain settings, such as in a ski town or snowboard camp, I absolutely LOVE flirting! I don't come on to them; I just show them I enjoy their presence, and the pleasure of their company. What's wrong with that? If everyone did it, think of how much better the dating scene would be!
Yes especially if your confident flirting comes naturally, but if your shy or still somewhat in your own shell of a world then you might not want to act out of character. Just be yourself and don't push towards the advancement of flirting, it may or may not come naturally.
I believe there was a time when flirting was considered fun and innocent. This was also when acts of chivalry weren't seen as sexism.
Today flirting is viewed in a variety of ways; as a form of cheating by some people if they (catch their mate doing it), as creepy, sexual harassment/inappropriate, or desperate if the attraction isn't mutual.
There are also those who flirt just to get help.
Some men have been known to flirt or use sexual innuendo as a means of "testing the waters" to gage if there is any interest.
If the woman appears offended they fall back by saying:
"I can't believe you thought I was serious!" "You need to lighten up!"
There are other people who simply flirt for the fun of it and both people have an understanding that it's just a playful "game".
Having said that if someone is genuinely interested in someone these days men would prefer women initiate flirting as oppose to the guys coming off as if they're some kind of playboy who shouldn't be taken seriously. Some women view male flirting as a step above catcalls!
Actually, women do initiate flirting nearly all of the time. But you are right, flirting is sometimes viewed as "creepy." And often it is! I wish Americans were more like the French, where flirting is culturally accepted, and very, very natural.
Whether or not it's creepy depends on how it's done - RIGHT???
I do agree that once someone in a relationship, flirting with others is rude.
It depends on the circumstance. Usually it is the instinct that dictates a flirtatious act. A flirtation should be a sign of serious interest. Everything should look acceptable on the outside to the flirting person and should want to get familiar with the inside and goals of the person flirted to. I agree with a lot of the comments here that expresses; gaming should not be the intention. Now, I would give a lady a nice smile whom I may be interested in but I don't think that is flirting but if it is then it's serious. At this stage in my life, I would flirt only as I seek marriage material in her.
I agree that gaming should not be the intention, Word55. But as Jodah suggested, flirting is really just a compliment. However, if flirting has had negative repercussions for you, then I imagine it is best that you flirt only with a chosen few.
nope I am not comfortable at flirting. Sometimes, hubby wants me to flirt with him but I fel shy and don't know how to start either
I used to do it all the time to the extreme when I was young. Now I do it absolutely never. I guess it is just not me anymore. Is this because I lost my confidence or I just don't feel playful? I am not sure.
yecall..Hard to say why you stopped flirting. Maybe you were taken the wrong way by the receiver or you may have begun too feel shy or less confident for some reason. Hard to know. My advice is to flirt among friends where no one gets the wrong idea.
I don't think innocent flirting ever hurt anyone. I used to love being flirted with. It is a compliment, right? Usually, though it took place between close friends..either married or single and was never taken the wrong way..just a playful form of communication.
The way you described flirting is how it is meant to be---a natural exchange between people who are having fun. It was not meant to be a suggestive "come-on." Flirting is meant as a compliment and a way to express our emotional selves without fear.
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