Why aren't "nice guys" attracted to "nice girls" and vice versa?
It's a cliché to hear; "All the good ones are taken." I believe one of the problems "good people" have when it comes to finding love is they're NOT attracted to other good people! In our youth both the "nice girls" and the "nice boys" get ignored by the (cool or popular kids). Instead of the "nice" coupling up they become determined to find a way to be (accepted) by the "in crowd". People say they want a nice, honest, open, loving mate; BUT they chase after those who are a "mystery" or a "challenge". Why? One place where they're sure to find "good people" is in their "The Friend Zone".
I actually think that nice guys and nice girls often are attracted to each other, and become couples. We just don't notice them the way we notice other couples.
In my opinion it has something to do with the age of the people involved. The maturity levels of the genders happens at different points in the life span. When you are younger, you (at least in my experience) are more worried about what others think about you. So you decide to chase the relationships that others think that you should have. Also at a younger age, we tend to want more excitement and experiences that others are having.
Then as we grow older (mid20's - mid30's) we begin to see how life in today's society really impacts us and our priorities begin to restructure themselves for basic survival and success. No longer do women feel the need to find the bad boy. Eventually once people are settled into their lives they find that they want to settle down and just live out their lives.
Also another common cause could be that each gender is looking for a "pet project" to change in some way. meaning that they want to try to save an alcoholic or convert a religious person, etc.
Just my thoughts.
You made an excellent point about how (age) plays a factor. In our youth we desire/chase after the "wow" factor. As we get older we become more practical & look for more substance than flash. The "bad boy" and the "it girl" are heartbreakers.
I believe it's because they complement each other. The "bad" party acts in ways the "good" one wishes he or she could, but doesn't have the nerve to do so.
Say Yes To Life, You have a point that in part it's a case of them having the "opposites attract" bug. However I also suspect a lot of people want to be with those who are considered "hot"/"cool" because it validates (them). "Look at who I'm with"
All the people in their college life want to be cool and popular. so for them it doesn't really matter. They just feel that they need to show off so that they are accepted by the people around them. So the only way is to hang out with the popular guys, so that they get noticed and popular as well.
And popular people ain't nice.
So the same goes with dating, its all about the joy that people get when they want to date the popular person and they are doing so. Its sort of an accomplishment they need in that phase of life which makes them the talk of the town.
Very true! There are phases people go through where they concern themselves with what others think about them. They want to be admired or envied. If they can't be "the star" they want to be admired for running in the same circles as the star! :-)
The friend zone is the best place....so true sometimes.
People sometimes fail to grow out of their adolescent stage of dating. While you want something that peaks your interest or might be your opposite at the end of the day you need to have common vision, values, morals, etc. You need someone who is of comfort to you. People sometimes fail to see the treasure in those who are caring-good people. That's not boring, that's cool. People also forget it takes 2 people to make a boring relationship. You can spice things up with someone who is a great match for you if you make the effort to create the "fun" you want.
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