How can I move on?
I recently gone through a separation from my husband.We have been together for 9 years and one day he suddenly decided to leave without my knowing.He just didnt came home that day.He contacted me that night and he said he was sorry it had to end this way.I was so shattered and so hurt.I didnt know what to do.Until now I am still in pain.He told me to move on but half of me is still hopeful that one day we will be together again.Everyday I am crying because of the pain and our memories.It is so hard to moved on..so hard to forget him..Any advise is helpful..
Time. This from my experience is the only thing that you have on your side. I know you are hurting now, but in your future lies greater things. You will look back on this in a year and it will not even matter. Please go on with your life and be happy. Life is WAY too short to be miserable my friend.
Thank you so much, I am trying to move on but as of now it is so hard..I cant stop thinking about him.I dont understand why everytime I am trying to moved on but a part of me is telling me not too..what did you do to forget and go on with your life?
Gayle.... Without God I do not think I could have made it. My friend, it seems so hard now. But, looking back I wasted so much time and energy on someone who had to move on. God has something grand planned for you. Wait on him.
Remove everything that reminds you of him Gayle, & put it in a box & give it to someone you trust.Tell them to try to resist giving you it back, until they think your in a better place emotionally.Then avoid him like the plague, & go &
Through any kind of grief or tragedy it always helps to get it out in the open. Write about it. Put it out of your sight. Put it out of your mind. Then read it every few weeks or so and see if you haven't changed your mind on what you feel. Add to the story. If this doesn't help at least you have material for possibly a best seller. People like to read problems others have in hopes of finding solutions to their own heart aches. I've never had the same trouble you speak of, but I have had overwhelming feelings of helplessness. Even writing a simple poem can help make some sort of logic out of something that there seems to be no logic to. God bless. I hope this helps.
First of all I'm sorry to hear your marriage did not work out as you hoped it would. Nevertheless it is impossible for you to forget about your ex just as it is impossible to forget you were ever married in the first place. It's unrealistic to believe you can simply "erase" 9 years.
Moving on is not about "forgetting" it's more about "letting go".
As long as you are thinking: "half of me is still (hopeful) that one day we will be together again..." you are NOT ever going to move on!
The first step in moving on is (accepting) the relationship/marriage is over. This is the most difficult step of all. It requires one to remove their "rose colored glasses" and stop "romanticizing" the past.
Odds are you have "conveniently forgotten" things you disliked and major disagreements. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.
The second step is to put things in perspective.
In order for (him) to be "the one" he would have to see (you) as being "the one"! At the very least a "soul mate" is someone who actually (wants) to be with you! That rules him out as far as being "the one".
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Anyone who quietly and "covertly" moves out of the house without saying a single word after 9 years of marriage clearly doesn't think (you) are "special". Logically you have to know this and it makes no sense to want to get back with someone who'd treat you that way.
Thirdly (make room) in your life for someone new.
Odds are you probably still have photos of you and him together as well as some of his personal belongings he may have left behind. Imagine if you were dating a new person and they walked into your home. Are there things that shouldn't be on display? If so remove them. It takes time but realize this:
Your future lies ahead of you and not behind you.
Awhile back I wrote a hub you might find helpful. Best wishes! http://dashingscorpio.hubpages.com/hub/ … The-Upside
Hey Gayle i had a bad break up with a girl who i loved at the time, & I'm not embarrassed to admit that i cried a lot for months..I was around 36 years old at the time, & i honestly couldn't stop myself....So that's what i wanted to mention that if you find you need to stop crying, there's a simple trick you can do which works every time....You look left then right slowly with your eyes 6 times, & then do a figure of 8 movement slowly with your eyes 6 times..If there's other people there you can do it with your eyes closed, as all it is is a way to distract your mind from the thoughts which we're causing you at the time to be emotional....The main thing you can do is to distract yourself from thinking about him for the time being, & do some fun things & things you love doing..I clung on to my break up by clinging on to the memories i had of when we we're together, because i didn't want them to disappear forever..But what most people don't realise like i my self at the time didn't realise, is that the best way to get over a break up from your perspective..Is to learn emotions & feelings control practice, until your in control emotionally..At the same time try to distract, any memories/thoughts of him from turning a memory flash back in your mind into a story in your mind..Then your'l learn how to look back at any memory you wanted to , but without any unwanted emotions or feelings..So try to stop yourself from thinking about him until your in better control of your emotions & feelings, because all of your memories will still be there & you won't lose any..
Hi Gayle, I'm teribly sorry for your loss and hurt. the pain is so painful at times that it can be hard to breathe ><
As much as you're probably craving it right now...I can't give you a solution that will make everything go away..i can tell you though, that 'moving on and getting through/over' such an experience takes time, patience and most importantly self growth.
It takes two to tango. If you understand that phrase...then you gotta go beyond yourself to figure out what went wrong how...and most importantly the rolse u played.
and no not the 'its my fault, i must have done or not done enough of .....
no not that. im talking about genuinely getting down to basics and root of yourself.
learning....time....tears...those r a few of what you may go through.
I wish i could simply take all ur pain away yet unfortunately life rarely works that way.
You can make it. You may not get this now....but his actions are NOT a reflection on you or anything you have done. we r human and make mistakes. its acknowledging and how we deal with them thats important.
All great answers. DancingScorpio provided great advice for you - take it.
There isn't much I can add here, really. One thing I have to say is there must have been signs that things weren't right, signs you may have chosen to ignore, because no one really just gets up and goes (unless his entire life was a charade because he's on the most wanted criminals list lol I'm not trying to make light of the situation, I'm just saying.)
Unless you've intentionally omitted those things here, I suggest looking back to where the signs must have been - you'll see them. Doing this may help give you some clarity and you may even find your closure in it.
I know it can be hard initially at first to move forward - and like someone else said it's not about forgetting, it's about letting go. Yes, get rid of his things if there's anything left behind. Read through self-help books. Take the good things with you (not memories but things you've learned from being in the relationship) as well as the things you've learned from his abrupt way out. Who does that? The way he left is not love, my friend. Even if there was true love there at any point, any decent person who have at least ackowledged you in person, with reason, gave some kind of comfort - something other than just leaving without a word - that's just strange.
My friend, please pray - ask God to bless you with a peace that surpasses all understanding and to comfort you with His Holy Spirit. See it when you pray, place yourself at the Lord's feet and ask these things - allow Him to give you rest. Sometimes God will remove things from our lives that hinder our spirits. At some point you're gonna have to see this as a rescue - from what, who knows but God, but accept that He may very well have been saving you from something much more hurtful.
John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
Psalm 22:24 "For he has not despised or disdainedthe suffering of the afflicted one;he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help."
Psalm 30:5 "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Isaiah 40:18-Isaiah 40:18-31
(Please read that scripture in it's entirety.)
God bless you...
Excellent advice. I agree there are usually "red flags" that were (ignored) before a "surprise" breakup or divorce takes place. I can't imagine someone being "madly in love" on Monday and moving out on Tuesday. There's usually some distance first.
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