How do you get over a major disappointment?
How do you handle a major disappointment? For example, death of family member/friend, job, or other life altering event.
I read my favorite hubber's "Conversations with the Obama's" and I have a great laugh.
Become involved in something of great interest to you to keep your mind as far from the disappointment as possible.
and then I strive to reestablish my convictions.
First I may cry, then I mourn/pray, then I may get angry/disgruntled abit/argue, try to accept it, then I release it so I can move on...I believe our feelings go in stages...recognizing them and knowing it is okay to feel this way... takes the pressure off that we should be acting a certain way. Everyone handles things differently. Some people take longer to get over things...
Cry or release the pent up emotion in a safe way, talk about how you feel to anyone that will listen and any time you have an opportunity, watch as much comedy as you can, take long walks in open spaces and play your favourite music.
At the risk of sounding curt....I deal with it and move on.
I have had some major disappointments but to be stuck there would have been to my detriment.
And usually what I was disappointed about was something I should not have had or done anyway. I can hear the door closing now on some of those disappointments even now and it is loud...but louder still is the sound I hear of the door opening that I would not have walked through had the other one not closed.
You have to take notice of your internal dialogue, which right after a loss or other traumatic event, tends to be on the hysterical side! Once the initial jolt has passed, then you have to make sure that you reframe what you are saying to yourself in your head, because that directly influences your attitude. If you keep saying (in your head), "this is horrible, this is awful, I will never recover from this loss, it will never be the same again, I can never again.....". You know how it goes. No, don't do that! You must change it to "this has been a shock, but in every loss, there is a lesson about life. I will grieve for a short time, but then I will begin a recovery process that will create a stronger, more resilient and wiser me. I will survive."
Dexter....I will speak to the loss of a loved one, since in my life, there have been far too many. Having said this, the reality is, each loss is it's own devastation and each, alters your life, in a multitude of ways.
There is a belief that there are "stages" one must go through. Quite true, but again, every individual travels this dark road in their own time and in the order that these stages seem to consume us, when we are least able to protect ourselves.
Be as kind, gentle and patient with yourself, as you would be when consoling a friend......for being a friend to yourself during these trying times is most vital.
When you feel the deep sadness, anger or sense of despair, allow yourself to feel these shattering emotions, knowing they are natural, understandable reactions to the pain that has been inflicted upon you. Shedding tears is therapuetic.
Tell yourself that "this too, shall pass....." and your heart will begin to mend, ever so slowly and with each day, inner strength struggles to be re-built and tiny rays of hope start to appear. Keep your loved one alive in your memory and entertain the happiest of times you shared....the sound of their laughter and the gifts of love you gave and received. For every tear.. allow a smile....for every lonely moment, surround yourself with family, friends & indulge yourself in that which comforts you. When you are tired, sleep......Angry? Scream......and when you are happy, laugh. Be true to yourself and restrain no feelings......do not hide from your fears...face them and teach yourself to stand up against that which hurts you.
Dexter, my dear friend.....without writing a book, this is what I can tell you. It is not easy nor does it come quickly.....but there truly ARE better, brighter days ahead. You deserve it and your loved one WANTS this for you...........Peace, Paula
Deep breaths, a walk in the fresh air... I usually need to sit with it for a while. I need quiet and space (which is hard with 2 kids in the house).
I've been there a lot lately, hopefully life will look up soon
Basically I just move on with my life. The following day it's there, the next day it's still there, the day after... still there, but eventually it just fades away... It's hard, but if I would just dwell on it, it would take much longer to heal. Please, bear in mind I lost my father when I was 6, so perhaps this changed me a bit and the way I deal with these things.
Let it go and move on. Life is full of things like this that hurt or disappoint and we simply have to accept them and move on with our lives.
Having a strong faith is a tremendous help as I call on God for resilience to help me bounce back from these experiences. He hasn't let me down ever.
If the disappointment occurs due to any misbehavior of a close ones, then I usually eat junk foods/ chocolates. Sometime watching movies at the theaters among the crowd also works good. But I remember when my mother died few years back, nothing could help me out. It took at-least 5-6 years to fade away the bereavement. If you get a major shock from your closest friends or family then only time can heal the pain. Till then try to get yourself engaged in some other exciting activities, or build new friends or social circles.
I cry . . . i know it sounds a little depressing but it helps. And if it doesn't then i write something, something that doesn't have to make sense but helps me release a little bit of the pent up sorrow.
find something to make me happy (other than chocolate) or a distraction
more chocolate lol
Things like those are hard to overcome. I cry my heart out for sometime, but theirs a point where i stop myself. I rationalize things, pick myself up and dust myself off, not without a few heart aches of course. I put it in my head to be more responsible towards the things i need to take care of. I always remember how my parent have always pushed me to be optimistic and about not giving up easily.
We have to learn that all of life will be one disappointment after another, or one obstacle or hardship after another. Life is not smooth! We learn from these setbacks and challenges if we are wise enough to see the lesson in what happened and move forward! If we don't move forward, we are allowing ourselves to be "stuck" in something that has no further purpose other than the life lesson it presented to us. A bad event occurs in a moment, when the moment passes, it is no more. Therefore, we do not have to be chained to anything that is now gone.
As hard as it is, I either try to pray about it, forget about it, or let it go. The saying goes "don't cry over spilled milk" (which saying isn't relevant to the loss of a loved one, there has to be a grieving process). If its something though that I am just disappointed about, and not grieving or hurting, I try to let it go (through much prayer and leaning on the Lord).
The best and effective aspect is Patience. In a situation where you are disappointed, make your mind that it had happen, because it was in the fortune and be patience. So, that you could gain peace of mind.
Expectations make the world go around. And "disappointments" are the precipitation of dashed expectations. Go from the universal and the impersonal down to the intensley specific. The question about "major disappointments" has much to do with the... read more
I have always been one that takes my problems/disappointments to God in prayer. I feel so much better when i talk to God..
This is going to sound really depressing, but it's not. Several days ago, my boyfriend was carjacked. They even took his leather coat. He was left standing in the freezing cold in the middle of night ten miles from home. He has already had 2 heart attacks, and thought he was having another. He ended up in the hospital. My Valentine's Day plans were wrecked. He will still be there tomorrow...my birthday plans have been put on hold. We were contacted that his car was "found"...it was involved in a chase and a shooting. It's now scrap. My prize camera was in the trunk...it's smashed to smithereens. I hadn't yet downloaded my holiday pictures from Christmas and my 2 grandsons' birthday parties. They too are gone. On Valentine's Day I learned that a mass was found on the lung of another very dear friend. I've come to a point in my life where I don't waste time and energy wishing precious moments away. All I can do with each event is give it my best and then give the rest up to the universe. I've learned that my power is truly in recognizing my own limits and having faith that everything is as it should be.
When it comes to getting over the death of a family member or anyone that I know its really a traumatic thing for me. For example though I didn't know her personally I am so bummed and horrified to hear of Whitney Houston's death. I felt a sudden void in my life its funny you know I hadn't felt that since my grandmother past on ten years ago.
I am not one to deal with death very well. In fact in the case of my grandmother it really took a toll on my physically and mentally. I know this doesn't make much sense but she was everything to me. Don't get me wrong my mother lived around the corner but I had lived with my grandmother and grandfather like 15-20 years. Now she was gone and I was in this big house all by myself it was just hard to adjust to.
Just recently I started having dreams of her again though they are vague dreams they are there. I don't know what they mean cause I can't recall much about them. I miss her very much but I have learned through therapy visits to move on. This is how I have dealt with my loss though I still think of her.
The immediate thing that I try to do is take a deep breath, and let the pain/disappointment...whatever, sort of settle in a bit. If it was something that was beyond your control, it's almost easier to deal with that. A death, an accident, etc. all things that you mostly cannot control. So when dealing with them, it's actually a bit easier. There is period of mourning, and then life seems to pick back up, and while you never forget, it gets easier to put in perspective. When the issue is something of your own causing, like I just quit my job, then it's a bit more complicated. But overall, I think you have to own your decisions in life, look at them objectively, and ultimately put them behind you then. It takes all my energy to attack the future....I don't want to waste time on attacking the past.
In light of your darkest days, seek the truth of our arcane nature. Take time to love oneself, then look at the bigger picture. Remember, that there is medication to stablize our deepest emotional issues. If needed, seek professional advice.
Time helps the wound, the hurt.
I find keeping oneself well exercised - literally taking yourself for walks, runs, jogs on mountains, by the sea, in beautiful scenic places is wonderfully distracting and healing.
Meditating helps, if you like it. The quiet space you create in your head, helps to relax both the thinking brain and the body.
If you like writing, keep a journal of every day and write down all your thoughts and feelings for that day. As time passes you will be able to track your 'progress'.
If you don't like writing - paint, draw, do pottery, sculpt, take photos, anything creative and finish the projects. You will be proud of your time well spent. If your pain is about someone who has passed, devote your project to that person.
Talk to patient and kind friends or even strangers you may meet in doctor's surgeries and train stations - the kind of people who like to listen and help. It will be your turn another time to listen. Taste of the milk of human kindness.
by Mary Grace 5 years ago
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by marquita37 10 years ago
We have all experienced deep traumatizing hurt at some point in our lives. Some of us have been so scared by our past that we subconsciously sabotage our future. Mis-trust, insecurity, low self esteem and committment issues are just a few examples of the end result of our hurtful past experiences....
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Unlike my previous forum topics, this does have a lot to do with me. I just broke up with someone that I cared very deeply for. I can't say why I was the one that decided to end things, but I can tell you that I did have very good reasons to break up with her. I can't tell anyone...
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