Can I get my ex boyfriend back?

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  1. profile image49
    krallemutposted 8 years ago

    Dear everybody.
    I'm a 22 year-old girl from Denmark, and I have a "problem". The thing is about 2, 3 months ago my boyfriend left me. I've known him for 4 years, and we've been together for 2. We've never been "just friends" - we kissed the first night, we met, but it took a year or so before we had sex (I didn't wanna sleep with him to fast), and then we became friends, who had sex. I ofcourse got feelings for him, but since he didn't share them, he ended our "relationship". We didn't see each other for about two months, but then, one night, we saw each other again, and we were together again. Suddenly he also had feelings, and finally, after about to months after we started sleeping together again, he asked me to be his girlfriend - officially.

    He mooved in (we lived in different cities, and he had to move here because of a job, and I had just lost my roomie) and things were just wonderful. We only saw each other in the weekends, since he during the week had a job in the army and it was to far away for him to travel home every night. It went really well for a long time, but the closer we came to him leaving his job (he was only hired for a year), the more difficult it became. It was just to hard for us to have a relationship over the phone.. When he finally got home for good, things weren't as great as we had hoped for. I was upset with his need of time to get ajusted to a life with not as much action as usually, and he was upset with my not being overly happy with him getting home for good.It caused a lot of fighting and one day I checked his email and found out, that he had been emailing his old "girlfriend" (they only knew eachother for a summer and kissed twice or something - at least so he told me). They wrote some very personal and intimate stof like "I can't stop thinking about you" etc. I was heartbroken, and he was to. Said he never meant to hurt me, and that it didn't mean anything, that it was only because things were so bad between us, and he just wanted to get attention and "love". He chose to stay with me, because he just couldn't be without me. It was so hard, and I never really trusted him after that. We took a break in november, and even though that really worked and brought us closer together again, in my heart it was still really hard to trust him. But we were good together again, loving each other.

    At the moment he's at school, he want's to be a police officer, and he was supposed to apply for it this august, but due to some stupid changes, the police academy has closed down for apllications for the rest of this year, not opening before 2012 again. So when my darling boyfriend heard this, he decided that he wanted to go travelling. And from there, it just went all wrong. He got a job offer in Singapore (which is on the other side of planet), but after much consideration and tears (on my behalf) he turned it down, beceause he didn't wanna be without me. Then three weeks went by, and we were like strangers to each other. He was really distant, and one day he "suddenly" broke up. In the morning he told me how much he loved me and that he really believed in the of us in the future and those sort of things. When I got home from school, he broke up. The next day he moved out.

    For about a week after the break up we didn't talk, but then I called him. And since then, we saw each other a couple of times. He told me that he loved me and that he still believed in a future with me, but that he was going travelling with a friend (a guy he met while working in the army) for a couple of years now, and he didn't want us to be in a relationship again, because he knew it would be to hard to be away from eachother for such a long time - He has plans to travel around the world on a bicycle for two, maybe three years.

    Since that, he's been acting really strange. He moved his stof to my ceiling and took the key to it, without even asking me if it was okay. It took almost two months before he removed his things from there and well? He still has his postal address here, and he still has some of my stof, which I've asked him several times to give back to me, but he still hasn't.
    I know, I've maid the stupidest mistake of all by asking him some times if he still meant, what he had said about wanting a future with me. The last time I asked him/told him about my feelings (which was after a week of not talking, I broke contact with him), he just simply said that it's hard to know about the future. He said that he would like to write and maybe even talk to me over skype when he is travelling - he thinks it would be nice, since he's gonna be so far away from everthing and then it would be nice to talk to someone he knows well and can really talk to. So jeah, that's me - I'm a safe zone to him.
    Then the following happened, actually just a day after his last email:
    I had gotten a bill, which we should split 50/50, but even though he at first said yes to paying his half, suddenly he didn't wanna do that after all. We had a small "discussion" over email, and I told him to eather pay his half or just to let me pay it all, if that was the way, he wanted to end things. Well? It ended with me paying the entire bill and him not even bothering to answer my email saying that I didn't want something so stupid as money making us quarrel. This is three weeks ago today, and I haven't heard anything from him, and I in turn haven't contacted him either. So what's gonna happen now? My best friend is absolutely confident that he's gonna write me an "I miss you" email, as soon as this trip of his isn't as funny anymore. I don't know, but I think she's right. Right now he just doesn't need me, he's just looking forward to this trip (he leaves in 4 months), and so jeah? But what can I do? Even though he's been somewhat of an idiot whith this bill and the stof of mine, that he hasn't given me back, I still really want him. I love him for the person, I know he is - even though it's hard to see right now. So please, help! What should I do? Do you think there is still hope for us getting back together some day? (Sorry for the longest story ever, thanks for taking time to read it!) :-)

    1. profile image50
      ForYourInfoposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Well the truth is your boyfriend is living his life and want to get settled.So you better get along with your life dear. Concentrate on what your doing & settle down in your life. Enjoy your life with your friends. If he really love you he will come back in search of you.

      1. sarahsexpot profile image54
        sarahsexpotposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        I wouldn't bother. There's plenty of other fish in the sea. However if you really want him and don't mind fighting dirty then there's two ways to get to him. First you can start dating his best friend and everytime he sees you with him make sure you touch intimately hang on him kiss him passionately and talk about how much he turns you on oh and you have to have sex with him because guys talk.

        The other way is to do the same things with a guy your boyfriend knows well and sees often but doesn't like or is jealous of. I've tried both of these methods with success but I ended up breaking up with the guy everytime. If there's going to be any heartbreaking around here I'm going to do it! HA ha!

        1. Thatguypk profile image44
          Thatguypkposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          Ha! Great response, Sarah... I'm guessing you work for the Samaritans, right? ;-)

    2. IreneMarieW profile image59
      IreneMarieWposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I would do what he has done... live your life darling. Live it for you, not for anyone else, but you. Grow into the woman you are meant to be. If someone doesn't want to be with you, they will not be with you, no matter how badly you love them. If he was to be with you, wouldn't you feel as if he didn't want to be there, wouldn't you feel as if you forced him to be there?

      Take this time to enjoy being single. Juggle multiple men at once (I'm not saying sleep with them, just date them). Develop some new hobbies, study art, learn a new language, take up jogging, anything to get your mind off of this "man". I have never encountered a man I had dated who didn't help me with responsibilities we had shared. Demand respect from day one in whatever relationship you develop, whether it is a casual dating relationship or a new friendship. If you show people that they can take advantage of you, they will do so.

      The way he treated you, doesn't deserve love in return.

  2. Disturbia profile image60
    Disturbiaposted 8 years ago

    You don't want this guy back, he's too much work and too much drama, with very little payback.  Don't bother with playing games or trying to make him jealous either, he's not worth the effort.  Don't waste another hour of your time on him.  What's in this relationship for you?  From what you've said, it doesn't sound like enough.  So move on with your life, he obviously has.  There are a lot of other men in the world less difficult to be with than this guy.

  3. Pamela Sarzana profile image57
    Pamela Sarzanaposted 8 years ago

    Dear Krallemut, Some trains even have separate Baggage Cars cars to carry all that drama and a Bicycle! Put him on one. Its time to grow a backbone. Are you going to be happy being a Loser Magnet for the rest of your life?

    HE wants to ride his Bicycle, HE needs a place to stay. YOU caught HIM messing around behind YOUR back. Sounds to me like he just wants someone available to wipe his feet on.

    It seems to me HE always has an excuse for whatever HE wants to do . And than HE justifys it with some lame excuse, and you accept it opening the door for more abuse.

    Do you want Men to think of you as nothing but a Door Mat?

    Sit down and think about what you want out of your life. Write it down if you have to. Sometimes writing things down makes them more clear.

    The less respect you require-or make people give you, the less you are going to get. Being weak and having no confidence in yourself is easily spotted by users in this world.

    If your expectations are low you are going to get little or no value from ANY relationship.

    Think about relationships like this if it helps you: When you go to the store to buy food to eat, do you get the kind that you don't like very much? 

    Use Ice Cream as an example,(Your Boyfriend was BAD Ice Cream)
    when I spend good money on Ice Cream, I buy something I know I'm going to like and enjoy.

    I don't want to waste my money AND I want GOOD Ice Cream. Think about it.

    1. Stacie L profile image92
      Stacie Lposted 8 years ago

      you should make this post into a hub...or else it looks like a clickbank product wink

      1. profile image49
        krallemutposted 8 years agoin reply to this

        how do I do that?

        1. Stacie L profile image92
          Stacie Lposted 8 years agoin reply to this

          It's practically a hub now...just add some possible solutions,some links to helpful sights or what you learned in the conclusion

    2. donotfear profile image86
      donotfearposted 8 years ago

      Sounds like he's doing his own thing and wants to continue to do his own thing.  I wouldn't pursue it any further.  Don't contact him.  Go out and do fun things with friends and enjoy your youth.  Don't sell yourself short and stay on track with what you want for yourself first.  He wants to see the the world, so be it.  Hasta la vista!  You can see the world too, without him.


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