Would you date someone you weren't attracted to at all if they had most other qu

Jump to Last Post 1-4 of 4 discussions (10 posts)
  1. Sharp Points profile image96
    Sharp Pointsposted 3 years ago

    Would you date someone you weren't attracted to at all if they had most other qualities you desire?

    Would you start a relationship with a person who you weren't physically attracted to at all but they displayed almost all of the other qualities you desire in a partner?

  2. dashingscorpio profile image88
    dashingscorpioposted 3 years ago

    Being a man I can tell you that most men only approach women they (are) attracted to for dating purposes. Normally the priorities for selecting a woman to date are physical attraction, personality, and sense of humor.
    Most men aren't looking for a woman concerning financial security so it's not unusual for a man to choose to date a "hot looking" restaurant hostess over a "plain Jane" doctor or attorney.
    Any accomplishments she has beyond the attraction, personality, and sense of humor are "icing on the cake".
    Having said that I've heard of women who will date men because they're nice, have a decent career, reliable, and dependable even if they're unattractive. Lori Gottlieb  had a bestselling book titled:
    "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough"
    I can't imagine anyone writing such a book for men and having it become a "bestseller". However I imagine there are women who have had it with dating dashingly handsome smooth talking playboy types and "bad boys" who make their hearts beat faster but also break their hearts time and time again.
    They want someone who is "safe" and willing to commit. This may be the motivation for them to settle for "Mr. Good Enough" if he's treats her well, has a good job, and can be counted on. They convince themselves that they can "learn to love him".
    Some people subscribe to the philosophy of "Don't marry someone (you) love. Marry someone who loves you." The person with the least amount of emotional investment in the relationship controls it.
    In my opinion it's a cynical way to view relationships. I also would worry about being tempted to cheat on someone whom I didn't find attractive if the opportunity arose. I'd also hate the thought of finding out that I was some woman's "Mr. Good Enough". She only married me because I was nice and looked good on paper. That would hurt.
    Odds are no one could maintain the passion and affection aspect of a relationship/marriage long-term with someone they considered unattractive. I imagine this contributes to many sexless marriages.

    1. Sharp Points profile image96
      Sharp Pointsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the wonderful response as always! Finding out you are "Mr. Good Enough" would be absolutely horrible. I suppose it all just amounts to human nature, and how we learned to survive. Thanks again for the response!

  3. ChristinS profile image95
    ChristinSposted 3 years ago

    At the risk of sounding shallow, no.  I did this with my first marriage.  He was super nice and had a big heart, but I never really felt that intense attraction I feel for my current husband. I thought well, we have the same principles and he seems stable, so I should make this work.  After all, he really seemed to love me and we wanted a lot of the same things in life etc.

    As time went on in that first marriage, we both discovered that despite being nice people, our personalities weren't compatible either.  It led to being in a very miserable marriage for both of us.  Fortunately, we parted amicably and are still good friends, but yes, I made the wrong choice because I convinced myself that I should want a certain type of person, instead of waiting for what I truly wanted to arrive. 

    It was also grossly unfair to my first husband that I pursued that relationship when I didn't have it in me to give him what he truly wanted and deserved.  We both were selfish in that respect - we were approaching marriage from a "what's in it for me" place - not as true partners.  We were young, both wanted to get away from home, it was not a good match for many reasons.  We settled for each other instead of doing the right thing.

    When I started dating again;  I told myself I will not settle for less than I want or deserve ever again.  I didn't.  Now, 8 years in my current hubby and I are still very happy together and I still think he's wonderful in every way.  I find I grow more attracted to him in different ways all the time and I feel this is someone I can stay with for the duration.

    When we came together it wasn't for selfish reasons - we were just two people who enjoyed one another and wanted to be together.  We were attracted to each other, had compatible personalities and unselfish goals. That's what makes it work.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Christin, You don't sound shallow at all. Knowing what you want is key in selecting the (right mate) for oneself. I think women oftentimes are told to forgo attraction when it comes to finding a "good man". I can't imagine them truly being happy.

    2. Sharp Points profile image96
      Sharp Pointsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I don't believe that is shallow, I feel the same way. I am happy that you guys were able to end that marriage on a positive note and that you were able to learn as much as you have from it. Thank you for passing this knowledge along as well.

  4. Aime F profile image84
    Aime Fposted 3 years ago

    I would, yes. I'm someone whose attraction to someone is very very much centred around their personality; I have a type that I always fall for regardless of appearance. Someone who I would completely write off just by looking at a photo could become extremely attractive to me if they had the personality type that I'm attracted to. For me, looks is sort of a "bonus" and I can be attracted to someone on the whole without being attracted to them physically. But I'm also very open-minded when it comes to physical attractiveness, I can honestly say that there aren't many people I look at and think "oh, they're ugly." I'm usually pretty good at finding attractive features in people who might otherwise be considered conventionally unattractive.

    I was actually just thinking the other day about how you often see very pretty girls with guys who would generally be considered to be unattractive, but I don't recall ever seeing a couple where I thought "wow, that guy is super hot and his girlfriend/wife is not that attractive." I'm sure such couples do exist, but in my own experience they must be much more rare.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Actually it's rare but I have at times seen men who look like they could have attracted a better looking partner. Maybe the woman is significantly overweight or has unattractive features. One never knows what drew him to her. Maybe timing.

    2. Sharp Points profile image96
      Sharp Pointsposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      You're right, it is much more common for the attractive girl/unattractive combo to happen than the opposite. This is because most men generally find the same qualities attractive in women, while women's preferences can vary widely.

    3. dashingscorpio profile image88
      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Sharp Points, There are also some women who place a higher priority on a man's success/income than his looks. Hugh Hefner founder of Playboy Magazine was 86 when he married a 26 year old former centerfold. She could have a better looking man.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)