Would you allow your child to date someone 10 years older than her/him?

1. 91

   jpcmcposted 11 years ago

   Would you allow your child to date someone 10 years older than her/him?
   
   I have a friend who has a 16 year old daughter who is currently dating 26 year old guy.  If you're the parent, would you allow this?

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   junksellerposted 11 years ago

   I'd be leery of anyone my 16 year old was dating. 16 is still pretty young, plus there are issues of illegality. I'm not normally too concerned about age, but there is usually a pretty significant difference in life experiences between 16 and 26. Such a 26 year old would have to hop through a LOT of hoops to get anywhere near my 16 year old.
   
   Now 24 and 34 I'd have no problem with. They'd both be adults, so are fully capable of managing their own love.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for for this insightful answer.  Age is more important rather than just the age difference.

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      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      If I was a parent, no 16 year old child of mine would date a 26 year old.  Yes, there are very mature 16 year olds  but I wouldn't permit him/her date a 26 year old.  It DOES signify illegality in one way or another.  Also, why would a 26 year old want to date a 16 year old?  This reflect some type of immaturity on the part of the 26 year old.  Is that 26 year old threatened by relationships w/people his/her own age?  What is THE MOTIVE of him/her dating a teenager?  Why is h/she more comfortable dating a teenager than someone his/her age?

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         TheShadowSpecterposted 4 weeks agoin reply to this

         That 26-year-old man is probably not dating someone his own age, because many women his own age have older boyfriends and husbands.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   Kind of difficult for me since my husband is 11 years my senior... but until they are 18, they have to date someone up to three years older.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      How did your parents react when they learned you're dating someone 11 years older?

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      lburmasterposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      For three years they pouted. Once they heard we were engaged, they worked on accepting him. Now, my parents and husband can be around each other better. And the baby has definitely help.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm glad it worked out well for you.

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      gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      +1000000000000000000000000000

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   We did and they have been married for 13 years.  My daughter was 17 and a young man in our church that we knew very well wanted to date our daughter. They did so under close supervision. They married when she was 18 and he was 28. They now have two beautiful daughters and are still happily married.
   
   I think it depends on who the young man is, who the daughter is with regard to maturity and how closely the family will be involved.  Our two families are very close and they are a wonderful, loving family so between our two families it worked out very well.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Perhaps knowing the guy a little more will make a huge difference.

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      TheShadowSpecterposted 4 weeks agoin reply to this

      As a free-range parent herself, Lenore Skenazy doesn't seem to have a problem with those types of cross-generational relationships.  Then again, she's a woman way ahead of her time.

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   PaoloJpmposted 11 years ago

   It depends on who was it. Firstly, If I am already a parent, I would prefer to know that person by asking some external sources if possible, if not, well, my son/daugther would be the last resort.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      A background check would be nice.

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   DDEposted 11 years ago

   Dating someone in that age range may not workout for everyone, if it does work one has to know what they are getting into. I would allow it.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There's so much pressure and responsibility once people exclusively date.

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   Caveman67posted 11 years ago

   I would not allow this. I think there's a huge gap and 16 year old girl has nothing in common with 26 year old guy.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      i understand your thoughts.  But the mere fact that they hooked up, there must be something in common with them.  I just hope that both are responsible enough for their actions.

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      lone77starposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Nothing in common? You base that on age alone? A centenarian has a lot in common with a 3 year old. You only have to look with loving eyes.

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   dorothy0328posted 11 years ago

   That depends on the age of my child if she is 16 of course not however after she is over 18 I have no say so and as long as he treats her well and she is happy I don't care if he is 30 years older then her. It would be much easier to just accept her decision as a legal adult no matter how much I may dislike the man rather then nag at her about it every time I talk to her and cause family drama that does not need to happen especially if he is not mistreating her. My fiance' is ten years older then I am, actually almost 11 years older and we have been together for almost 9 years and if my mom or dad would try to say anything different I would listen to their complaint but it still wouldn't change my mind.

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      dorothy0328posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I just saw that you were asking about a 16 year old girl chances are no I would not allow this to go on. But only a parent knows their child well enough to say if she mature enough to date him or not.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I'm the young girls's godfather and I know her pretty well.  She, caring and responsible.  But you know how it is with hormones and decision makings at that age.  Plus i have no clue who the guy is.  Perhaps I'm worrying a lot.  After all i'm not .

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   kansasyarnposted 11 years ago

   Interesting question.  As a mother of 5 children, I have honestly lived through this one.  I was very uncomfortable when the young man (12 years older than my 17 year old daughter) wanted to "date" her.  My husband sat down with him (man to man) and talked about his intentions and how he would need to behave if he were dating our daughter. 
   
   After they had gone out on one date, I knew in my heart that I also needed to talk with this gentleman.  He came to our home one evening when my daughter was at work.  I needed to know what his intentions were.  He stated very plainly that he was "looking for a good woman to settle down with." 
   
   We were able to let this young man date our daughter because we knew his intentions.  I also let him know that because he was so much older that I expected him to take care of her.  He told me he would be honored to do so. 
   
   The two are now married and have their first child.  I never would have been able to allow it without clearly knowing his intentions.

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      jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing your experience on this.  It does help when you know the person.

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    hiba naeemposted 11 years ago

    well for one thing my father is nearly 15 year older than my mom.If it has helped in his farsightedness  of issues than it certainly had it downsides...for one thing I know,they have a hard time agreeing on anything but then they compromise better too.So I guess that's why they allowed my siblings to date people older than them.

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       jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       At least your parents know what it feels like to be in such a relationship.

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    Katejaynemorrisposted 11 years ago

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    lone77starposted 11 years ago

    Yes, if there is love and respect.
    
    There's entirely too much age prejudice in the world, amongst other forms of "us versus them."
    
    Abraham was 30 years older than Sarah and she was 60 when she gave birth to Isaac.
    
    True love is too precious. If it exists, embrace and nurture it. If it's only lust or something worse, nip it in the bud. Age has nothing to do with it. Love, honor and respect have everything to do with it.

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       jpcmcposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       I just hope they see the difference between lust and love.

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    ParadigmEnactedposted 11 years ago

    Sure, why not?
    
    But they should also leave their options open too, no?

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