What to do when you're married, but feel so alone?
He cooks and pay half the bills. Hard working. Good dad. Don' t show any affection towards you. Been talking about it for years and nothing's changing.
Too late, you already have kids. You should have thought about it before you have kids
Some men are view women who are the mother of their children completely different from other women. They don't see them in a sexual way anymore. In some instances women never regain the pre-baby body. Maybe a therapist can change his mindset.
If you've been talking for "years" without seeing any change you might suggest going to couples therapy as a last resort.
However if this is a situation where he's never been the affectionate type then most likely he'll revert back to his "authentic self". Generally speaking if someone has to change their core being to make a relationship work it usually mean they've chosen the wrong mate for themselves.
People only change when (they) are unhappy.
You can tell him that you can't imagine spending the rest of your life living this way. Some people make the effort to change when they sense they might lose the person they love.
On the other hand if he doesn't believe you'd ever leave then he's not likely to be motivated to make any changes.
There are basically two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as is or move on.
Having said that in this era what you've described as your husband is not likely to be a "deal breaker" for most women.
You may attempt to give him what you want and see if he reciprocates.
Too often people choose to sulk and wait instead of being proactive. It's perfectly okay for a wife to initiate affection towards her husband.
You might also plan an occasional getaway without the children even it's to get a hotel room downtown in the nearest major city. Take in a play or go see a movie. There is usually something going on downtown in every city.
Talk it out with your partner. Communication is really important.
She said: "Been talking about it for years and nothing's changing." There's 2 basic reasons why people won't give their mate what they asked for.
1. They don't have it to give. (It's not who they are)
2. They don't believe you're worth the effort
Usually when we talk, he's not listening. He says he want to spend his life with me. We haven't kissed, hold hands in years. I tried to hold his hand, he' ll take his hand out of mine. I don't want to kiss him. We been together since I was 15.
Tammy you said: "I don't want to kiss (him)" that pretty much says you are over this relationship. At some point you're going to either walk away or you're going to cheat on him. No amount of communication will cause you to (want to) kiss him.
No one can tell you what to do, but don't think just because you have children that divorce is not an option. It is better for kids to see two parents who are happy alone, then not happy together. I divorced my first husband, but we remained close friends and he has always been a good dad. I later remarried and my son now has a dad and a great step dad. He is perfectly well adjusted. It's only when kids get used as pawns or placed in the middle that they are truly damaged by divorce. With the right things in play; it doesn't have to be a major trauma.
You said in one answer you dont' want to kiss him. He pulls his hand away when you try to hold his hand. This tells me you are basically roommates, which is how I lived with my first husband for several years until we both decided we wanted more from life and were just not right for one another.
Life is short; there is no need to live it being lonely and isolated within a "marriage" that isn't a real marriage.
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