How do you forgive someone for cheating?

1. 61

   Rakim Cheeksposted 9 years ago

   How do you forgive someone for cheating?

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2. 67

   Gordon Wrightposted 9 years ago

   You have to be more specific. What would this forgiveness entail? Do you expect things to be like before? You can never turn the clock back.
   
   What is feasible to accept other people's weaknesses and make your peace with them. You can still have a relationship, but on different terms. Is there any good in this person? If so, then build on that. If not, then forgiveness means simply moving on without rancor or vengeance.

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3. 68

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Truthfully I would not know as cheating is one of my "deal breakers".
   However having said that forgiveness is something one does for them self. The act of forgiving is to let it go or refusing to dwell on it. It does not mean you have to stay with the person who betrayed you.
   For those who do decide to stay with a cheater they need to have a sort of check list. The first thing on it would be whether or not the cheater even (asked to be forgiven)? The second thing is to determine if you truly want to forgive meaning stay with them.
   The reality is too often people leap towards forgiveness while in shock. In the midst of trying to process the cheating incident they can't imagine putting divorce or a messy breakup on their plate.
   It's probably best to take at least two weeks off from dealing with the person to decide whether or not you really want to be with them anymore.
   Should you decide to stick with them much of the forgiveness process has to do with the cheater (assuring you) why it will never happen again, willing to be transparent, showing contrition, and patience in understanding it will take you time to fully trust them again. They should never be upset over any questions you ask whenever they're late or give you no notification of their whereabouts. It's all part of the price of rebuilding the bridge of trust.
   Beware of the cheater who expects you to "instantly delete" their transgressions from your memory bank. That would be a sign they're still "self-centered" and have no understanding of just how much they hurt you. People "in love" don't cheat on their mates.

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   1. 63

      Motherbynatureposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      It's a deal breaker for me too.  I couldn't get past it long enough to not see BS written across his forehead every time he opened his mouth..lol. We divorced and we get along just fine now.  He's a scorpio. *shudder*

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4. 63

   Motherbynatureposted 9 years ago

   That depends on if you're working to save the relationship or end it.  It also depends on other factors like who they cheated with.  How many times have they cheated?  What reason did they give for cheating?  Did they blame you?  So many variables.
   
   I ended my first marriage because of his cheating.  I'm actually writing a self-help book about this for Christian women that is much more than a bunch of scriptures.

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5. 90

   lisavollrathposted 9 years ago

   You don't. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
   
   I say this as someone who packed her bags and left when I discovered my ex was cheating. There's no regaining that trust once it's been broken.

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6. 85

   Chriswillman90posted 9 years ago

   I don't know if I would, but like others said it depends on the context. For me though, it would take a lot out of me to forgive someone because you'd need to develop getting back that trust again. You'll always be wondering if that person is cheating on you again.

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7. 85

   tsmogposted 9 years ago

   That is a 'big' question. I first thought of school memories and people looking over the shoulder of the person in front of them or at the desk next to them. I did not think of a relationship until reading other answers. That said 'cheating' itself IMHO is universal excluding no one. As suggested the context for the cheating would need to be known as well as the offense itself.
   
   Regarding forgiveness a whole new subject is entered upon. Forgiveness has been written on extensively in many venues and genre. There are philosophical, religious, and day-to-day practical. Forgiveness is unique as it IMHO is 'power' rather than power exercised. In other words the effect of forgiveness is not the same as forgiveness. Forgiveness is autonomous while having property of being universal. IMHO forgiveness seems to have the property of the Law of Reciprocity. Exercised it effects both the forgiver and the one forgiven.
   
   An analogy may be forgiveness is like the horsepower of an engine. It is there all 600 HP. It is idling at a standstill having both available energy and potential energy. At task is application when the engine is under some kind of load. Then giving it the gas to overcome the load. That is forgiveness exercised, however the power is the same . . . 600 HP. Discovered is there is power, an action, and then an effect.
   
   All of that does not answer 'How'. How to forgive of itself is at task. Then comes the context of the offense. Finally the 'who'. Or, asking questions for exercising forgiveness remembering of itself is a power would be necessary. One firstly has to have an understanding of forgiveness acceptable for oneself. Then comes the offense. If one cannot forgive the offense no matter the 'who' then of course 'who' does not matter. 'Who' most likely is a variable with emphasis on relationship and/or the relationship.
   
   A note is forgiveness can be exercised while responsibility remains for the offense. Those are two different matters. An example is how many times on TV has one seen a person in a courtroom usually a relative stand up saying they forgive the criminal. Yet, the criminal still goes to jail, which is an action of responsibility. Or, one forgives the student who cheated, yet that student's test is given a zero on it. There is still responsibility for the offense.

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8. 69

   Old-Empresarioposted 9 years ago

   Well, they'd have to stop first and never speak to the third party ever again. That would make some things easier. There would have to be some transparency in the relationship--no more hidden passwords, phone would have to stay unlocked, etc. After those sacrifices have been made, the relationship could probably succeed. After a year or two, things will blow over and be right again.

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